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Self Care = Self Worth

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Would LOVE a strong confirmation on this one please.....

I had a dream that I was once again living with an old roommate.  This roommate symbolizes a really bad and unhappy time in my life when I was very taken advantage, mistreated, and emotionally abused. This roommate carried most of the load as far as bills go in the living situation that I was in back during this time.  During this time IRL when I lived with her, we had another roommate too whom was very emotionally abusive to me and her, who took advantage of both of us financially all under the cloak of Christianity (though I took most of the emotional beatings). Please take note that the Abusing roommate was NOT a part of this dream.  IRL I have zero contact with either women, nor do I ever desire to.  It was an awful part of my past.  bandaid

In the dream I was not married, and I only had my son living with me.  This is odd to me, because I am happily married now IRL, and we also have an older daughter who was not part of this dream.  There wasn't a feeling of loss regarding my husband or daughter...I didn't feel sadness. The financially responsible roommate was sharing an apartment with me and my son.  In the dream I think either I was moving or she was moving.  In my dream I was very conscious of the fact that I have never really fully taken care of myself my WHOLE life! I felt kind of embarrassed about this fact.  I have always relied on someone else to help take care of me. In the dream I was sorting and organizing some of my son's toys. They were cars, etc.  I was thinking about what kind of work I would do to take care of my son.  I was thinking of possibilities that would work so that I could continue to take excellent care of him and myself.  I was brainstorming, and figuring of how I could take care of us.

If I think about this IRL, it is very true.  IRL I have only lived with my parents, with a friend who was living with her dad, with what I normally call the 'Crazy Ladies' (aka the abusive situation), and then with my husband.  I have never had a place of my own IRL without someone else helping take care of me financially.  I have paid my own bills and such, car payments etc, and always held down a steady job as an adult until I had children.  But being fully on my own, without a roommate, or parents' help has never been something I have experienced.  I am so blessed to be able to stay home, and care for my family and children.  I am not afraid of hard work, yet I am in a position where God has taken excellent care of us, and my husband has an awesome job that allows me to stay home.  

I personally don't think this dream has to do with me getting an career in place as much as it has to do with me ACTUALLY taking care of myself.  I have not been taking good care of myself lately, and if I'm really honest I don't think I have taken good care of myself MOST of my life. God has been trying to show me my how distorted my own self worth is, and how he wants me to see how valuable I am to Him.  Im really trying to find my own identity.  I have neglected myself my whole life, because of my lack of self worth.  Growing up in dysfunction can wreck havoc on our self esteem.  I feel like this dream has to do with me learning to love myself, and to really start taking care of myself, and to see myself from the perspective that God has. He is also helping me to see that as I do take care of myself, I am better equipt to take better care of those around me.

I could be off base, so if anyone else has anything to share please feel free.  Would love to hear your thoughts on this, as I could be missing an important key here.

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Hi Daisy. Blessings.

I realize I'm weighing in on your post rather late in the game. Regardless, what I've to share may or may not speak volumes to your heart.

The enemy can sow tares in our life, which can bear unwanted and undesirable fruit. We can be hurt, even wounded deeply; and knowingly or even unknowingly we will operate out of those wounds and misconceptions. I call these *windows of perception*, the same language that Jesus uses when He says *leavens of thinking*.

Healing is needed, and I see the Lord working with you to this end. In the dream you were busy about activities that are simply an extension of coping strategies, even strategies of self-preservation, which served a purpose in the day.

I see the Lord working with you, in bringing the fulness of healing to bear. He is tearing down those strategies and walls of protection, though they served a purpose, they are no longer of value.

There is a teaching I impart in my spheres of influence that I call *spit of deliverance*. Recall from the scriptures the account of the blind man whom Jesus spit into the sand, and packed that into the blind man's eyes; that he might receive his sight.

In the day, blind people would often be spit upon, because they were looked down upon ..sinners. This, to the blind man was a spit of offense. Jesus turned the *spit of offense* into the *spit of deliverance*

Daisy, you expressed the negative emotion with some past experiences tagged with certain people. This has been the spit of offense to you, and the Lord is bringing healing upon that, and transforming those offenses into spit of deliverance. When these memories no longer bear any influence in you, except to motivate in love, then your healing is complete.

Forgiveness is key. No strings attached; forgive those who've done you wrong, bless them in love, release them in blessing.

You are well aware of the Father's love for you, and that you are loved.

Allow the Lord to bring the transformation by the renewing of your mind thru His truths. Avoid being *busy* by trying to invoke your strategies to bring to pass this work, which the Lord is faithful. His yoke is easy, His burden is light; take upon yourself His yoke.

The Lord is *not* speaking to you negatively, nor pointing out your faults; only letting you know and showing you, and in love, that healing is being imparted, transformation is in process, all things are new.

Be healed Daisy. Be whole. Live abundantly and limitless. Love well. In Jesus name.

BiC / Roger

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