Legionnaire

I dont care if this is true or not......................................... Recently a 42 Commando Royal Marine Recce Troop captured a Taliban leader in Afghanistan and took him to a warehouse where they gave him a dice.. The Sergeant says, ''Roll the dice and if you get a 1 2 3 4 or 5 your head comes off''.. The Taliban leader says ''What if I throw a 6'' The Sgt says.... "you get to throw again".....

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' . . . . . . . . . . . The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

A man staggers into an A & E with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this, " said the man. " I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows". "We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt." " That's when I made a big mistake." " What did you do?" asks the doctor. " Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours"!! "I don't remember much after that"!

Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them stupid a$$hole because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. Doctor asks: "What happened?" Woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start Swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is a sleep." Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. The woman says: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!" How does the tea do that?? Doctor said: "The tea does nothing at all, its just keeping your mouth shut that does the trick"

Husband and wife shopping in Wallmart, man picks up a 24 box of Bud and puts it in the trolley. "What do you think your doing" asks the wife. "They're on special offer £10 for 24 cans" "Put em back we can't afford em " she replies A few isles later the wife picks up a £20 face cream "What do you think your doing" asks the husband "Its my face cream it makes me look beautiful" she says Husband replies "So does 24 cans of Bud and its half the f*****g price"

A man is watching a game of golf on TV. But he keeps switching channels to a sexy movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex. "Man, they are really gettin' it on! I don't know whether to watch them or watch the game", he says to his wife. "For Pete's sake," his wife says. "Watch them! You already know how to play golf!"

Whats worse than your butt itching in church.... ?????? Your ear itching, while you go down the road doing 65 with a helmet on!!!

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers. 1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. 2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? 4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? 5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle? 6. Only three words in standard English b egin with the letters 'dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them. 7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them? 8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh. 9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S'. Answers: 1.The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing. 2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls . (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.) 3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb. 4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry. 5. How did the pear get inside t he brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems. 6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle... 7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. 8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce. 9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts. PLEASE do your part by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one person. Well, my job's done! DO YOUR PART... Today is National Mental Health Day. Just don't send it back to me. I've already flunked it once!

Billy Connolly's Statement of the Century: 'If women are so bloody perfect at multi-tasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?'

Very funny guys....but i have had my time with the "Head down Arse in the air brigade" At my age you need a bit of comfort...lol and you can't get much better than a Goldwing....

A couple of pics of my 1500 ...Sorry about the wifes pink crocs...lol

Hello from a stormy Glasgow..... I ride a 1500 Goldwing (well someone has to) and am a member of various clubs and forums, so i thought i would check you guys out. All the best Mo