hello, i have belonged to the same church for almost 14 years and have experienced many hurtful things while there. i am so split down the middle because i always take into consideration that these people are human (just like me) which means they are flawed and susceptible to hurting others. However, it seems now that as the years progress things are getting worse. I remember having a friend who at the time was a fellow member invite a few of us over just for food and good felowship; (her husband worked alot so she just wanted company). there was one saturday that we went and one of the women in the pastors circle overheard our arrangements but confronted me because she wasnt invited. from there lies were presented to the pastor that there was a group of people attempting to secretly start a ministry and we were confronted and falsely accused by the pastor causing the girl who's house that we went to, to leave. this wasnt the first time for her but it was however, the final straw. what hurts is there are people that she believes and cares about and there are people who she never gives the benefit of the doubt which in my opinion isnt fair. if she chooses to believe family or the people that are in her inner circle she attacks you from the pulpit with hurtful messages. there have been many incidences where i have shared personal things with her just to find out that they were repeated or again, if she didnt agree with what i was sharing she would say extremely hurtful things during her sermon. there was another time when someone that i thought was my friend went to her with a very hurtful lie and instead of bringing the 2 of us together she chose to believe the other person. she has a grandson that has had confrontation with most of the young people there and when he targeted my son they began to argue (because my son had had enough). she brought them both into her office without anyone else present listened to her grandson's side only and never allowed my son to give his side. my son is not perfect but hes never had any problems with his elders, peers, or any other authority yet he was being accused of being this monster. she called me later about what was discussed and after sharing it with my son he cried because he couldnt understand why they would lie. then, there was a group of girls that my daughter grew up with in church that began delving into the wrong things and of course my daughter gave in to peer pressure. she admitted that she smoked pot with this group and out of concern i went to the pastor. immediately after, women from the "inner circle" went to some of the other girls asking if they too were "getting high" which means what i shared was disclosed and my daughter was ostracized. she decided on her own not to do the things these girls were doing and ended up alone. however, this caused her to draw closer to the lord thus she grew in her spiritual life by leaps and bounds! there are many many more things that have occured but this is the one that did the most damage. there was a young woman who attended our church who headed up the youth department. the class was big and the kids loved coming but she ended up hurt by the same group from the "inner circle" and left the church. from there another person was assigned the task of heading up the youth department, but the unfortunate part is that she doesnt care about the youth. her philosophy is, "if they come they come if they dont they dont, their loss." mine is completely different and when i was asked to help out by teaching a class i immediately began sharing with the young people that i'd be a teacher. the class quickly grew and i was constantly amazed at how god was using me and at how their lives were rapidly changing. it was awesome! but the enemy got in and a few of the young people that didnt treat my daughter very well along with the youth leader and another parent decided it was time for me to go. they went to my pastor and falsely accused me of things and told her that if i continued teaching they were refusing to come back to the class. what was interesting was that i wasnt even teaching this group but she didnt care to investigate. instead, i was called into her office along with her son who is the assistant pastor and was told of the accusations. which in retropsect there were not concrete complaints, just the fact that they didnt want me teaching. i was asked to step down and was removed as the youth night and sunday school teacher. i was crushed!!! and when other teachers were brought in the class fell apart. in fact, to this day the young people do not attend the classes anymore. i was preached about over and over again and i was treated like a leper. many people knew that what happened was wrong but they were too afraid to defend me because they didnt want to face the "wrath!" this was 2 years ago. i am still a member of this church and have since forgiven all parties involved. i am an ordained evangelist but am not ever chosen to preach or function in any ministerial capacity. theres so much politics involved that if you arent in the "in -crowd" youre out! the group of young girls that my daughter stopped hanging out with (that i mentioned earlier) realized they could get away with murder and began to attack my daughter. she was accused of being anorexic, and self righteous. she brought 2 young girls to the church and all 3 were mistreated because they were not part of the "original" youth group. it was hurtful to see them go through this pain but they survived and overcame. i am have since started a bible study in my home for young people especially for those who feel "invisible" at church. however, if my pastor ever found out there is a wrath that i must face and its not going to be pretty. in all of this, its hard to leave because 1. i cant honestly say god has instructed me to leave and 2. i love my bishop! hes elderly and when he found out that i was thinking of leaving he literally begged me not to go. i dont know what to do...
oh i got you and i agree! i also agree with what you are saying about the pulpit not being the place to bash people. i told the lord that i refuse to believe that he is anything but love and if a sermon is preached and its not from a loving place its not from him! thank you so much for your kind words lending an ear and most of all your prayers. this has helped me so much!