My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We are intercessors in our church, he is the assistant to the pastor, sings in the choir, and plays the congos. I teach children's church, bible study, and Sunday school, am on the dance ministry, and lead the children's dance ministry. From the outside, it looks like we are super christians; the dedicated, faithful Christian couple. Our church family even refers to us as "the dynamic duo." Personally, I read my Bible and pray and try everything I can to keep my mind focused on the Lord. This past Sunday however, this whole facade we've been living was shattered. My husband has one of those Android phones and I was on it reading the Bible. He fell asleep and I decided to look at the different apps on his phone. I came across his notepad and saw the title of a poem that he found on the internet and texted to me. Then I see another note, and assuming it was something for me, I clicked on it. It was a very explicit email sent from an ex-girlfriend and also an explicit response from him. I was so very hurt, but I didn't say anything. Just cried myself to sleep that night. The next day, I hardly spoke to him, so he knew something was up. When it all came out, we got into a MAJOR argument. Only the fear of God and the love of my children have kept me from killing myself. It may sound extreme, but my husband has been going back and forth with this woman at least since 2006. Racy messages, trips down memory lane, phone calls, etc. But he tells me she means nothing to him. He said I am not affectionate enough, I don't flirt with him, don't communicate with him, and we are not intimate enough and whenever we are, I don't intiate it. I would not disagree with these statements, but for him to go to someone else is heartbreaking. And I'm supposed to be okay because they haven't physically done anything. But to me there is no difference. How can he claim she means nothing when he keeps holding on to a relationship with her knowing that it hurts me? The next day after the fight, we made up. Nothing else has been mentioned. We've just gone back into our normal routine. I made an effort to give him what he wants physically, but I feel so empty inside. I hate myself and I am so angry at him. I don't know what to do. Please help.
My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We are intercessors in our church, he is the assistant to the pastor, sings in the choir, and plays the congos. I teach children's church, bible study, and Sunday school, am on the dance ministry, and lead the children's dance ministry. From the outside, it looks like we are super christians; the dedicated, faithful Christian couple. Our church family even refers to us as "the dynamic duo." Personally, I read my Bible and pray and try everything I can to keep my mind focused on the Lord. This past Sunday however, this whole facade we've been living was shattered. My husband has one of those Android phones and I was on it reading the Bible. He fell asleep and I decided to look at the different apps on his phone. I came across his notepad and saw the title of a poem that he found on the internet and texted to me. Then I see another note, and assuming it was something for me, I clicked on it. It was a very explicit email sent from an ex-girlfriend and also an explicit response from him. I was so very hurt, but I didn't say anything. Just cried myself to sleep that night. The next day, I hardly spoke to him, so he knew something was up. When it all came out, we got into a MAJOR argument. Only the fear of God and the love of my children have kept me from killing myself. It may sound extreme, but my husband has been going back and forth with this woman at least since 2006. Racy messages, trips down memory lane, phone calls, etc. But he tells me she means nothing to him. He said I am not affectionate enough, I don't flirt with him, don't communicate with him, and we are not intimate enough and whenever we are, I don't intiate it. I would not disagree with these statements, but for him to go to someone else is heartbreaking. And I'm supposed to be okay because they haven't physically done anything. But to me there is no difference. How can he claim she means nothing when he keeps holding on to a relationship with her knowing that it hurts me? The next day after the fight, we made up. Nothing else has been mentioned. We've just gone back into our normal routine. I made an effort to give him what he wants physically, but I feel so empty inside. I hate myself and I am so angry at him. I don't know what to do. Please help.