Starlight

Hi Diane!!!! I apologize for not responding sooner. I did not receive an email to notify of new posts for some reason. Thank you for your continued kind thoughts and prayers. I have thought about you over the last few weeks and I considered coming back to the thread just to say hi. Since I last posted I have found a new church and we love it. I look forward to going and the kids do as well. I have also gone away to visit my family to celebrate my grandmother's 75th birthday . I brought my niece and nephews back with me to visit for the summer. So I am now surrounded by 3 of greatest guys anywhere.. :) I am soo much more at peace with being alone. I feel separate and different in many ways. I took the boys to the mall for lunch today and I dont even have the same excitement for shoes anymore I once leaned on shopping to cheer me up when all else failed.. Thank God I don't feel the need for that crutch anymore. I am basking in my new relationship with the Lord. My cravings for things outside myself to fill me up are lessening. I feel amazing...still have my moments....but I would not trade anything from my past for what lies ahead No need to apologize for your advice and counsel. I thank God for you. Your response to my post was light for me during a very dark and unsure time. I have no doubt that you do care and have only the best intentions... So dont apologize After reading your post I made up my mind to visit the church I now attend. I now live almost 1000 miles away from most of my family as I moved to be with my Ex after college.10 years, 2 kids and a breakup later I am still here. I have attended a church here for the past 10 years but never became a member. The kids never liked it. I heard about the new church about 2 years ago but never went. The new church is 25 mins away from my home. The old church I attended was only 4 mins away. I kept going for convenience even after I realized it wasnt feeding my spiritually. Your post woke me up to my need to have a real fellowship and I think the new church is the perfect place to establish it. Thanks again Diane, I will keep you updated on my status and as always I will continue to pray for you and your family. Take Care, Kym

Hi Diane, Thank your for your prayers I keep you in my prayers as well. It is a Friday night and I am struggling with the idea of being alone. I could go out and I want to (just to diner or a movie) but with whom. I soo miss dating and I dont know how long I can last it has been like 5 months and this is hard. This is the hardest thing cause I feel like I could probably meet someone much nicer than he was.... Ugghh. I was actually seeing someone who wanted a relationship and I pulled away. This seems so strange to give up a possible great guy for someone who broke my heart and I have not heard from or seen him in 2 years. I start to question what if he is married or still in a relationship? I am submitting to this but still dont understand. I know his plan for me is greater than the one I have for myself. I have a hard time with letting go of timing. I dont think I can hold out for years. I am praying that something happens within 18 months only because I dont know if I would last beyond that point. But they who wait on the lord shall renew their strength..... Its gonna be another loooooong weekend. I hope all is well on your end. Thank you again for even listening.... I know I am having a moment right now. I pray you enjoy your weekend. God Bless, Kym

[/quote] thankyou that when we come to you and to your people and bare our hearts before your light, we feel not the condemnation we fear... we feel free! Diane [/quote] I had tears in my eyes as I read your thoughtful comments and timely prayer. Saying thank you can not begin to convey my gratitude for your kindness. You are truly standing in the gap for me as I transition into a new life in Christ. I loved your take on my vision as an end to the old relationship and opportunity for a new one that is under Christ and his protection. I will continue to meditate on your words for encouragement. The idea and process of letting my desires and flesh die so that God's will is done is new for me. I receive texts and calls from my old friends (some I have known since grade school) and I reply cordially while still keeping my distance. I do not understand what is happening to me right now and I aim to submit to God's will for my life. I pray for continued strength during this process. I want to also offer my prayer for you, your family and loved one's that every need is met according to his riches in heaven. I pray that he opens up the heavens and pours down blessings in every area of your life. God bless and keep you. Kym

Grey Butterfly...Thank you for your prayer and encouragement. Your comments really lifted my spirits. I apologize if I was unclear. The person in my vision was my ex and yes he is Jamaican. After writing my story and reading your response I have a new resolve to push ahead with renewed faith. It was so freeing to finally share this and has taken a huge weight off of my shoulders. God Bless you and I pray that sharing my story helps someone else.

I apologize for the length to this post and thank anyone who can get to the end. I have to start this by saying that I am a very new Christian even though I was saved many years ago. I accepted Jesus almost 12 years ago but never changed my life or opened my heart to change so I lived a very worldly life. As a result of bad decisions and being away from God, I got into a very harmful relationship a little over 2 years ago. I met a guy and felt like.. wow.. this is the one. A few dates in he confessed he had a girlfriend. I did stop seeing him briefly but continued in the relationship because I had feelings for him I had never experienced before. Only 6 months into the relationship I got pregnant and had to endure the heartbreaking agony of him saying he was not ready for a child. For a list of very bad reasons I terminated the pregnancy. Afterwards I wanted to close that chapter in my life. The guy came back and apologized to me. He told me many things but I had no trust for him and our communication ended shortly after. I was in a deep depression and cried every day. It took that experience to really make me seek God and just recently (February) I began to pray and ask God to please take all of the feelings I had for this person to be removed. The vision/answer I got from the prayer has caused me tears of joy and pain. While in my bathroom crying out to God to please remove the feelings and thoughts of this man I feel a warm glow in my heart and hear a voice from within say that God has a blessing for me that is greater than what I was asking for. I saw visions of this Guy in a church in a tuxedo. He was waiting for me to come down the aisle. God said that he would take my pain and turn into a blessing so large that only he could get the glory. He showed me all of my male friends and suitors who were in my life and showed me I needed to get rid of them in order to receive my blessing. I saw myself running into this guy outdoors somewhere and I understood that I was not to contact him nor he me but when the time was right I would see him again. After seeing this vision I prayed for confirmation and it came in a few forms. I changed my purse after praying and did not clean out the purse first. I just threw wallet and essentials into my purse. Once I got to work and began to clean out the bag I found an old notebook that I had not seen in over 2 years. It had a note I had written for this guy with his name and number on it. Also this guy is from Jamaica and he wanted me to go to a Jamaican club with him and I refused. We would often joke about it. Well in March I was invited by my aunt who was invited by her neighbor to a birthday party. She only gave me the address and guess where I wind up. In a Jamaican club. I kept thinking of how we spoke about what to expect at the club and he said people just stand against the walls mostly and that is exactly what happened at the birthday party. In April my Dad came to visit me and I ask if he wanted to try anything or go anywhere while here. He wanted Jamaican food. My little sister is turning 30 in September and she wanted to go away for a girl’s weekend. Guess where we are going... yep Jamaica. When we booked our trip I remembered him asking if I would make my first trip there with him. I told him no my first trip would be with my sister 2 years before talking to my sister about the trip. Here are the problems. I don't know if this is what I want. I really wanted to be freed from this relationship to start anew. I don’t know if I could ever trust him. I feel like I was finally coming to closure with this relationship and now it is the focus of my attention again. How is this possible? I have also cut ties with the people he showed me and I feel so alone and vulnerable now. I miss my friends and am mourning the idea of this great guy I am waiting to meet. I have already met this guy and I don’t think he is that great. I need prayer to strengthen me cause I have people who show interest in my but I feel something pulling at me to wait. I didn’t mind waiting for this great prince who I would met someday. It’s much harder to wait for someone who I have such a painful history with. I have prayed for this man's strength recently hoping that he draws closer to God and can become all God has for him to be(I pray for myself as well). I need prayer and encouragement. I believe God can do all things. I am unsure if I want this thing