Hi, I have had mental illness - a type of depression where i've had psychosis - which are basically like waking dreams. They seem very real. The theme of these 'waking dreams' or delusions was along the lines of me being pursued by Satanists, linked with my family. From having these experiences, i've been very troubled that I may have done something in my past or been involved in something in my past as a child that i can't remember. About eight years ago while i was having these experiences and believing them, I went to church and found out that i could be baptised and did so quickly because i wanted to follow God. Since then I've slowly got better, but am still on some medication. However, when I've tried to come off the medication i've relapsed and paranoid thoughts and negative voices have come back. In my dreams at night, and sometimes during the day - I can hear these voices as a commentary sometimes. Sometimes my dreams feel like i am drugged (infact i've had a waking dream like a memory where i was given a drug to drink by a relative of mine) and the focus in my dreams always seems to be on trying to get away and get home to somewhere safe. In one of my most recent dreams whilst being pursued by people who were like zombies i prayed to God for help and a small umbrella attached to a long black stick i was carrying (with which i had been fighting people perceiving them as enemies or demons) appeared and i was carried in the air away from the people towards a cove. As i looked out towards the open sea, i could see no land, and didn't want to go any further because i was fearful. The umbrella lowered me down and i was then carried back towards a group of people gathering that i had been trying to get away from and then i woke up. To be honest i've sometimes thought that my dreams were from the enemy or that the voices were. I am concerned about this having looked at this site and seen that God can be speaking through dreams. I am worried that I may have committed the unpardonable sin. I did read that if we do it in ignorance we can be forgiven - but the pharisees weren't. When I have been ill it's as if my dreams take over and i'm not sure about whats real or not. I don't know if anyone has any insight that they can offer, but i would be grateful as this has been an ongoing issue.
Thank you Delightful Soul - and thank you for your reply to my other thread. I don't know the hymn Blessed Assurance but I'm going to see if i can google it ... thank you x
Hi Delightful Soul, thanks for your post. I guess I keep hoping that someone might shed some further light - i do find it hard to accept that its a chemical imbalance as there was a time when I didn't have this but perhaps it just developed over time. I guess, given the confusion that i've had, it might mean thats it going to be hard to work out what God might be saying in dreams that I have.