ggyal

Thanks to everyone for their prayers and support. I reallly appreciate it. Thanks Jasmine, Connie, and Cholette. I take your words of strength and advice. It really is a tough time. I have a doctor's appointment in half an hour, on top of everything else. I have to believe that all is well even though i feel like throwing my hands up in the air. Thanks for showing me God's love and do PRAY for me. i NEEEEEDD it. REally appreciate you all. God bless

Thanks for the support Jasmine! appreciate your input. Guess when we know we are not alone, it helps.

I have posted before in other areas of the forum regarding dreams that God has given me. But I really need help, some sort of encouragement. Let me say that EVERYTHING in my life has changed recently. My adopted dad who was my best friend in the world died, leaving me with no-one. My mother died. My church is in an uproar at this point, with fighting and arguing and people fighting for positions. All i hear when i go to church now is insults being hurled from the pulpit and i cannot take anymore. I cannot just stop going because i have responsibilities. The thing that is hurting more than anything now is that I've recently become involved with someone (a believer) and because of all the hurts that I have been going through at church, it literally pushed me into this guys arms. I have never been in a serious relationship, not even before becoming a christian. Everytime i got frustrated with how things were going at church, i would end up pouring it all out to this guy and he would listen to me, with all my anger and frustrations and the next thing i know we were kissing. And we got very physical, not totally, but very. And this continued several other times to almost sex. The guilt would not let me go. And because of a family history of infirmity, after doing the things i've done, every symptom you can imagine started rearing its head, and i've gone from a christian with no father figure, to a christian struggling with her church home, to becoming physical to the point of shame, guilt and condemnation. I know God has forgiven me as I have let the guy know that I do not plan on being physical with him again unless we are married. I know sex was not involved but I take even physical acts seriously. Now my mind is wracked with torment over the enemy attacking me physically. Work for me is hell right now as well with co-workers ganging up on me as I refuse to be party to their loose ways. I am seen as being stuck up, and am not. I have never been so alone in my life. The only place that I have even a measure of peace is at home, and that is because i live alone. When church time rolls around, i getting a sinking feeling in my stomach knowing that i have to go back to that. And this guy tells me he loves me, and I tried to break it off telling him that I don't want a physical relationship, and he says he will be waiting and praying that God shows me that he is serious about me. I gave him another chance because most of the times when we got physical, i was more guilty than he was. I was so emotionally strung that he was an outlet. Will somebody please talk to me, help me, encourage me. I need it. I feel like am walking around in a fog.