I turned 20 on November 27th of 2010. On my birthday God promised that he will turn my life around and help me to put my both feet in his kingdom not one on the earth and one on heaven. I wanted to start my life all new and fresh and was excited until January 1st when I lost my job and after that everything started going down. I can definitely say 2011 has been the worst year of my life. I'm 21 btw. I'm full of anger towards God for everything and Holy Spirit revealed to me that I had been dealing with doubt, bitterness, shame, anger, offense and disappointment since young and I'm blaming God for everything. I just burst out and couldn't contain anymore. I hated everybody and everything about church and so I left. I haven't gone to church since June 2011. I'm going to school but don't know what to study and so many other important decisions of my life need to be chosen. I feel lost, scared, and angry. I feel like I'm in a foggy room where I can't see clearly and it's so tight and almost to the point that I can't breath when I try to pray. I feel like I need the revelation of God's goodness and love to break off all this things. All these years I've convinced myself to believe in his goodness and love but I only automatically registered in my brain not my heart I would say. I just need some people to pray for me and with me because I can't deal with this on my own. I do things on my own most of the times but this time I need somebody's help.
I turned 20 on November 27th of 2010. On my birthday God promised that he will turn my life around and help me to put my both feet in his kingdom not one on the earth and one on heaven. I wanted to start my life all new and fresh and was excited until January 1st when I lost my job and after that everything started going down. I can definitely say 2011 has been the worst year of my life. I'm 21 btw. I'm full of anger towards God for everything and Holy Spirit revealed to me that I had been dealing with doubt, bitterness, shame, anger, offense and disappointment since young and I'm blaming God for everything. I just burst out and couldn't contain anymore. I hated everybody and everything about church and so I left. I haven't gone to church since June 2011. I'm going to school but don't know what to study and so many other important decisions of my life need to be chosen. I feel lost, scared, and angry. I feel like I'm in a foggy room where I can't see clearly and it's so tight and almost to the point that I can't breath when I try to pray. I feel like I need the revelation of God's goodness and love to break off all this things. All these years I've convinced myself to believe in his goodness and love but I only automatically registered in my brain not my heart I would say. I just need some people to pray for me and with me because I can't deal with this on my own. I do things on my own most of the times but this time I need somebody's help.