Friend problems..

[Guest Guest]

Incredibly long rant up ahead.


i've always considered myself a talkative person, be it in real life, or online... that being said,

i have a close friend that i met online around 4 years ago now, so we know each other quite well., she's one of my BFFs, so i really love her. we talk to each other almost everyday online.

...but i've always had many problems with her, especially as of late. i guess our personalities just doesn't match up well. i love to talk and not just about one thing, but she just... doesn't talk.

i have no problem with that... at least not so much. i don't mind if people don't talk often or don't have much to say, BUT with her, whenever i try to discuss anything with her, she.. has no response?

she isn't busy and she always plays online games, so it makes me sad how she never has anything to say when i try to talk to her. i can't ever discuss anything with her, and it's usually stuff where i can only talk to close friends about it since they are the only ones who'd understand. she is one of those close friends, but she just doesn't say anything.

i feel like she's ignoring me you know? i mean i don't care if someone talks a little bit, but she doesn't give me any sign that she read what i said, or whatever. i mean she just never has anything to say, it seems weird. it just seems like she doesn't care what i say... i mean she even forgets a lot of things i told her, when i only mentioned it like 3 hours ago. did she even try reading it?

i just recently argued with her, which is why i brought this up.

Also, she loves to roleplay with me. (if you don't know what that is, it's when each person has their own original character they made, and respond to each other with your character and take turns continuing a story) However, the problem persist that i don't want to roleplay everyday. she only talks to me often if we start Roleplaying. if i try to talk to her about other things, just different things, she has 'nothing to say'.

i just feel used.... am i just a source of entertainment for her..? i know that isn't the case, but it just REALLY feels that way.

she says she isn't a conversationist, but i just don't see that as a good enough excuse to just sit there and say nothing to all the things i have to say (and i say a lot. i pour out my opinions and thoughts and she has no word to say about it...). i even told her how i felt about this, and telling her that if she was a true friend, she'd try to change a bit, but i think i frustrated her and she just left online before i could finish.

she is a close friend, we always gift each other, and we are very close, but this thing always bugged me. she is who she is, but i feel like she never made any real effort in trying to be more talkative to me and not just for roleplaying purposes....

... yeah i'm sorry it's so long. i had to let this out.

I also have another problem with her. u see we make a ton of characters for our stories and stuff. i tell her about them and everything. she loves just about all my male characters, but she kinda... neglects my female ones. being a girl, i understand why she prefers my male characters, but she has a ton of female characters on her own.

she tends to like the 'sexy', cute, or the tough girls, but she has a lot of female characters that are not always sexy, tough, or what not. She likes my tough, tomboys, and sexy charas, and my 'cute' ones, but i have like 10 others who she sorta ignores, which makes me sad since like i said she has a lot of female characters that are all different and unique, yet when i try to make unique and different female characters, she doesn't like them........ it just seems so hypocritical. not to mention she loves her own characters a lot, and likes telling me about them and how she likes her females, but then what about mines....? lol i love all her characters for being unique and cool, but she doesn't seem to return the appreciation.

i just can't help but think she's being so shallow arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. it's also one of the reasons why i argued with her too.

[Tiddly Winks 0]

It's strange, but I always feel bad when people and I start chatting and I don't really know what to say. I am generally a very talkative person, but I go through times where I simply don't know what to say, especially when I find I have very little in common with the people I'm talking to.

It's also hard because the chat thing on facebook is really batty at times, especially when I try to use it. But, yeah, I can see where it would hurt when you want to talk to someone and they show little, if no, interest.

Don't really know what I could say besides that. Sometimes the best of friends show themselves when times are tough. That is, when things go wrong, one can find the truest of friends. I should probably go ahead and move this thread to Agony Aunt, since it talks about problems. Hope that's okay.

[Guest Guest]

nah it's fine. i was wondering if it'd go there or not.

i sometimes have nothing to say either, but since i knew her for so long, i try to talk of things that's relevant, or something where i would just like her opinion, seeing how i ask her about certain things pertaining to my own personal things that she knows. but...

she doesn't say anything.... it just really is painful since i asked her about this like. 5th time now? and she tells me to stop ranting to her, but then she hasn't done anything herself to change, plus the thing she did made me bring up the issue again, so it's just a repeating circle of redundancy..

(i also talk to her on MSN, so its more 1 to 1 and easier to talk to)

[Guest Guest]

There are two possibilities here - the person doesn't know English very well,or the person really doesn't know what to say. There are a few solutions. One of them is to behave like that person. Be quiet,don't say a word. If you know that person in RL,meet her and start to talk about your problems.

If you,however,don't know the person in RL,then message her in facebook. Write the message content in the way she likes. At the beginning of the message try to combine words so she could read the whole message and gain interest in what you write. Then try to persuade her to reply to you.

If that works,then start talking Off-topic. Talk about guy characters,and try to explain her how do you feel. Be honest. Tell her that you love her to bits and that your friendship with her means a world to you. Ask her if she feels the same way. Then she HAS to reply and tell you the truth.

I have a few friends on facebook from belgrade and they are really quiet and they don't like to chat. But if you really love them as B.F.F's,then explain them the situation. Ask them why do they do that. In this case - her. Ask her if she has any problems in her life,and ask her if you could help in any way. I'm sure that she will reply sooner or later.

Best of luck and hugs to our beloved Riuna who is very friendly and talented when it comes to drawing!

[bunnyfuzzyness 0]

My heart breaks for you.I hate knowing that people feel as if they're being used.I believe that Lazar gave some wonderful advice.True friends should be able to share everything together and listen especially when times get rough.I am one to get a little quiet and just play a little when I feel my worse,but I always try to respond to others.This person sounds a little selfish,but it is kind of rude for me to make this assumption about them.

the only true advice I can give you Holly is , NEVER let anyone let you be 2nd best.There are some amazing trustworthy people here that you can befriend and vent with.They won't tell anyone your problems and they do respond

huge hugs and I am very sorry you're going through this

[Guest Guest]

Thanks lazar and kathy. .. i really hope i can sort this out.

i don't know my friend IRL, but yes we're really close online buddies. (we gifted each other IRL also thru the mail and all that and we talk over the phone).

just her problem is that well, she doesn't want to listen to my rants or thoughts. i can only talk about my problems to friends really, and she is one of them, but the fact she doesn't really want to listen to them or hear how i feel, makes me hurt.

i did tell her how i felt last night, which is when she went offline on me because she "really didn't want to deal with this."

i wanted to continue though cause i just had to tell her how i felt since i didn't want her doing the same like, problems to me because i didn't want to be mad at her if she kept doing it, but she just went to sleep before i could finish which hurt me more.

sad thing is now i have her blocked since this actually occurred a few days ago. we talked again last night, and then we kinda argued again and she hasn't gone online yet and we both left bitter.

@ Kathy: yeah i know people can be the quiet type. that's fine. i can be too just as well, but i always try to respond or say something in return if people tell me things and want my response. i know you do the same also.

she however, just. .. yeah it just feels she has better things to do then listen to me at times and its discouraging... i know she doesn't mean it, but then it's just argh. i wish she could try to say something lol xD

but i will try to ask her if she feels the same way... i sorta did. i asked her why she goes online if she doesn't want to talk, and she said that "she has nothing better to do" ... and i felt a bit awkward she'd say that. so it isn't because she wants to talk to me, but just goes on cause she's bored?

i go online because i love talking to my friends, even if i have stuff to do, so ARGH. its a weird feeling.

but thank you both of you guys <3 i definitely feel a bit better knowing i have people like you guys that are willing to listen.

[Ames 0]

I love you to bits and think she's batty if she doesn't want to "converse" with you. I think sometimes... (i've been guilty of it myself ) when you have someone who is willing to make ALL the effort it is kind of easy to just sit back and let them. It is shallow and horrible but it does happen. I feel that i should make more of an effort on PS as all my friends drop me notes and gifts A LOT and i only do it on rare occasions or just randomly gift for no reason. It's just how some people are sugar...

I would happily natter to you on MSN about anything. Heck if you wanna talk about cheese i'd talk to you about cheese. You are a GREAT gal and i think if this friend can't be bothered to get involved then is she really worth your time and effort? We can and DO outgrow people. It's just human nature babe xx

[Guest Guest]

Ames!

well we are talking again.. we get back pretty fast.. Lol i can't ever let her go XD. But i just hope this problem doesn't happen AGAIN.. cause it always does. like i said, this is like idk, 10th time now this happened. it's so frustrating. guess is true, old habits die hard.

and thank you so much for the offer Ames, i'm happy just talking to you, rants or not. Notes are hard to keep up and sometimes i forget to say anything back and i forget who sent me a note and it just goes haywire. i have the hardest time keeping up with FB and the countless status updates. XD

*HUGS*

[Guest Guest]

I am so glad that you both are talking again and I really hope that it doesn't happen again. Hugs to our talented Holly! I'm glad the things worked out so well.

[Guest Guest]

Lazar wrote:

I am so glad that you both are talking again and I really hope that it doesn't happen again. Hugs to our talented Holly! I'm glad the things worked out so well.

Thank you lazar!!!

i hope so too, but i feel like it'll happen again.. it always does. i was afraid we really wouldn't talk this time. it was awkward lol.

we act like a married couple with problems..

[Guest Guest]

well let's hope she'll be ok now! Does she play PS?

[Guest Guest]

yeah she does.

but she does't do forums XD

[Guest Guest]

It was worth of trying,right?

[Guest Guest]

i asked her too, and she was like nah. she only buys 1 of each item that she wants too. she isn't the seller type or anything. O:

[Leahfy 0]

ok, here is another possibility. You said this friend is fine sometimes and then other times she gets very quiet. Maybe she has a cyclical depression. A lot of people get them where they have strong mood swings. So maybe give her a chance to be quiet at times and not respond, think of it as a way to let her recover and her mood will go back to chatting again later?

I just happened to have several friends with either cyclical depression or bipolar disorder online for a while (not right now, but about 4 or 5 years ago I found out at the same time that 3 online friends had this) and that's just what one of them was like (how you describe) - even down to where she was sometimes very self centered in her role playing activities but other times a great friend. finally I figured out what it was after the other 2 friends mentioned their problem...