Frustrated and Directionless...

[BatKnight 0]

I've never felt too comfortable with requesting prayer on an Internet forum. You see so many hurting people pour out their hearts, desperate to hear from God, and sometimes they leave even more despondent-- feeling that God isn't listening or worse...He doesn't care. And I haven't decided whether I'm coming for prayer or releasing pent-up frustration; though, believe me, I need the prayer. Let me tell you what's bothering me and you can pray accordingly or just listen.

In another forum on these boards, I posted about having a reoccurring dream. A dream about being a protector. I appreciate the heartfelt replies I've received, and again I say thank you. But here's the problem: I feel directionless in my life. The frustration is building within me over this. Yes, I have prayed about it, but The LORD remains silent. His silence in these times is very damning. Let me explain further, sometime ago I wanted to join the Army. I had a number of motives for doing so, some honorable and some selfish. I built an elaborate plan for my life and it seemed airtight: nursing school, the Army, then finish it off by becoming an author. I cherished those plans, but they became an idol in my life. You see, my relationship with God has always been "on and off". Yes, I am familiar with the passage in the Book of James that mentions how the double-minded man will come to ruin (paraphrased). What I've discovered is that human beings are meant to worship God and when they do NOT worship God they find a substitute; this is what happened with me. God brought this to my attention and it grabbed me. I wanted to repent of my sin and foolishness, and I hope that I have. However...I feel without direction now. The Army was a means to be who I always felt that I was all along: A protector and defender of human life. I'm sorry, but nursing will not meet that need and merely writing about heroes feels shallow. I don't know if God creates people do accomplish certain roles, but I've always felt a strong talent about writing and about protecting the little guy. And understand this, ladies, I'm scared to ask God for His will because I feel He's going to ask me to be something I'm not. I know some of you will state, "Tough luck, now buck up and accept it", though you won't be as harsh, your words will never-the-less echo that sentiment.

I want to love God and do good for Him, as much as it would be for others and myself. I wish I could retreat to a secret place and converse with Jesus. Tell Him how I feel and what I hope for. And have Him talk with me as well. A conversation, not a waiting game where feelings and thoughts may or may not be from God. Not a time of isolation and confusion, wondering just when God will show up. Me and Him, like old friends, talking it out. Trust being established. Friendship and bonds growing stronger. I'm sorry, but I am not in a good place to be told to wait it out. My patience feels exhausted. Ladies, I don't want to walk away from God feeling despondent. I'm asking you to pray for me.

Thanks.

[Cholette 0]

Well, good news...I'm not going to tell you to wait it out because I've learned recently THAT'S not always what God wants us to do. There is a scripture that always comes up in my heart in this season of my life: "A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps" (Proverbs 16:9)

We live this life in faith and by faith. God speaks...He's ALWAYS speaking. There are times when we listen for him in a voice, but many times he speaks to us through our desires. He speaks to us through our peace or lack thereof. (Col 3:15)...Peace is our umpire...it leads us and helps us make the right decisions.

The fact that you are up and down with God...He doesn't hold that against you. You are saved by GRACE...not works. If it was by works, then we would not be saved in the first place because think about what you were doing before you professed Jesus as your Lord and Savior...you were in a way worst state than you are in now and He still drew you with His love. Please know that God's love for you is so awesome and He desires more for you than you do for yourself.

I would suggest that you sit down with the Lord and once and for all tell Him what your desire is and pay attention to how you feel in your heart...God will give you peace. Sometimes you will just need to step out of the boat like Peter did. The beautiful thing is that no matter direction you take, there is a net under you and God will make ALL THINGS work together for YOUR GOOD because you love Him and because He loves you!!!!

Blessings to you and I pray this helps.

[SCGirlyGrl 0]

From personal experience, I can speak that frustration is a way God moves us. (At least he did with me). I was so frustrated with my job, it wasn't what I want to do. I was just blah about everything. When I got to the point where I said God, I can't do this anymore, I was so listless, and about to come undone in a million peaces. God began to show me what HE wanted me to do with my life. Then, He sent a prophet behind him to confirm what He said. That happened quick. Friday and Saturday God began to show me, and on Sunday, the prophet confirmed it.

God doesn't desire for us just to muddle through life. God has a plan for each and everyone of his children. We all have a destiny to fulfill.

What is it that brings you joy, what is the one thing that you love to do more than anything? Our calling is usually along the same vein. Me, I love to do hair and makeup. I can't tell you how many times I've fixed up my friends, etc. See, your passion for what you love, will always come through in your life.

If you are a Christian, God has purpose for you.

These are just my thoughts, but there are many ways to be a defender and protector of human life. Some examples are, EMS (medic), Lawyer/Advocate, Doctor, Nursing Home Administrator, etc. These are just some examples. I'm saying there are many different ways God may choose to bring that to you.

[BatKnight 0]

Ladies, I sincerely thank you for your replies. Regarding the Army, I don't think any sane person has a desire to be smack-dab in the middle of a war (Iraq/Afghanistan), but for some reason I feel that I belong with those men in the thick of battle; watching out for their safety as their medic. I know we can't always go by our feelings, i.e., "It just feels right", but it seemed like everything came perfectly together for this to happen. And as for a feeling of peace? Well, believe me I had that feeling, or at least, I never felt like this was the wrong course for my life. When I allowed it to become an idol, then I lost that feeling of peace. Now, I'm unsure if God will still bless this course of action or if He will happen to say "No".

Regardless, I thank you both again for your time and kind words. May God richly bless you for this.

Joshua.

[Cholette 0]

Joshua...your heart is to want what God wants for you...that's all that God is looking at. Forget about the fact that you felt this whole idea became an idol...move forward! You are a warrior...warriors go forward in battle KNOWING that their Lord and Savior has them hidden under the shadow of His wing. To God be the glory!!!!