Greatly in need of encouragement and prayer

[Starlight 0]

I apologize for the length to this post and thank anyone who can get to the end.
I have to start this by saying that I am a very new Christian even though I was saved many years ago. I accepted Jesus almost 12 years ago but never changed my life or opened my heart to change so I lived a very worldly life. As a result of bad decisions and being away from God, I got into a very harmful relationship a little over 2 years ago.
I met a guy and felt like.. wow.. this is the one. A few dates in he confessed he had a girlfriend. I did stop seeing him briefly but continued in the relationship because I had feelings for him I had never experienced before. Only 6 months into the relationship I got pregnant and had to endure the heartbreaking agony of him saying he was not ready for a child. For a list of very bad reasons I terminated the pregnancy. Afterwards I wanted to close that chapter in my life. The guy came back and apologized to me. He told me many things but I had no trust for him and our communication ended shortly after.

I was in a deep depression and cried every day. It took that experience to really make me seek God and just recently (February) I began to pray and ask God to please take all of the feelings I had for this person to be removed. The vision/answer I got from the prayer has caused me tears of joy and pain.

While in my bathroom crying out to God to please remove the feelings and thoughts of this man I feel a warm glow in my heart and hear a voice from within say that God has a blessing for me that is greater than what I was asking for. I saw visions of this Guy in a church in a tuxedo. He was waiting for me to come down the aisle. God said that he would take my pain and turn into a blessing so large that only he could get the glory.

He showed me all of my male friends and suitors who were in my life and showed me I needed to get rid of them in order to receive my blessing. I saw myself running into this guy outdoors somewhere and I understood that I was not to contact him nor he me but when the time was right I would see him again.

After seeing this vision I prayed for confirmation and it came in a few forms. I changed my purse after praying and did not clean out the purse first. I just threw wallet and essentials into my purse. Once I got to work and began to clean out the bag I found an old notebook that I had not seen in over 2 years. It had a note I had written for this guy with his name and number on it. Also this guy is from Jamaica and he wanted me to go to a Jamaican club with him and I refused. We would often joke about it. Well in March I was invited by my aunt who was invited by her neighbor to a birthday party. She only gave me the address and guess where I wind up. In a Jamaican club. I kept thinking of how we spoke about what to expect at the club and he said people just stand against the walls mostly and that is exactly what happened at the birthday party.

In April my Dad came to visit me and I ask if he wanted to try anything or go anywhere while here. He wanted Jamaican food. My little sister is turning 30 in September and she wanted to go away for a girl’s weekend. Guess where we are going... yep Jamaica. When we booked our trip I remembered him asking if I would make my first trip there with him. I told him no my first trip would be with my sister 2 years before talking to my sister about the trip.

Here are the problems. I don't know if this is what I want. I really wanted to be freed from this relationship to start anew. I don’t know if I could ever trust him. I feel like I was finally coming to closure with this relationship and now it is the focus of my attention again. How is this possible?

I have also cut ties with the people he showed me and I feel so alone and vulnerable now. I miss my friends and am mourning the idea of this great guy I am waiting to meet. I have already met this guy and I don’t think he is that great. I need prayer to strengthen me cause I have people who show interest in my but I feel something pulling at me to wait. I didn’t mind waiting for this great prince who I would met someday. It’s much harder to wait for someone who I have such a painful history with.

I have prayed for this man's strength recently hoping that he draws closer to God and can become all God has for him to be(I pray for myself as well). I need prayer and encouragement. I believe God can do all things. I am unsure if I want this thing

[Grey Butterfly 0]

Starlight.... Ohhhhh how I feel for you! May God bless you and pour his love out on you and hold you and let you know that you are so very deeply loved!

Can I ask, just clarifying cos' I got a bit confused...

is the guy in the Tuxedo a person you do not know?

or is the person in the tuxedo this man whom you have had a relationship with already? I think he is Jamaican (your ex) and this is the reason you are taking Jamaica etc as confirmation... have I heard that right?

It is hard sometimes online, to keep which person is which straight in your head when you can't line the "ducks" up and point and say this is the one I'm talking about :o)

I pray for you to have peace, no matter what this vision means for you, I pray you will have absolute peace - knowing that God is with you and he has a plan for you and he loves you.

God bless, Diane

[Starlight 0]

Grey Butterfly...Thank you for your prayer and encouragement. Your comments really lifted my spirits.

I apologize if I was unclear. The person in my vision was my ex and yes he is Jamaican.

After writing my story and reading your response I have a new resolve to push ahead with renewed faith. It was so freeing to finally share this and has taken a huge weight off of my shoulders.

God Bless you and I pray that sharing my story helps someone else.

[Grey Butterfly 0]

Hi Starlight,

We all have things in our lives that we hang onto and tuck away in the dark so no-one will know... thing is that in the dark pockets where we hide them, they rot and make us sick. You have brought your story out into the light and shared it. That took amazing courage! I want to affirm you in that!

You are a new Christian and what you did proves that the likeness of Jesus is beginning to overlay your life. I want to show you why if I may?

He said: "This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God." John 3: 19-21

see the part in red... for fear that their deeds will be exposed, that is where most of the population lives... with hidden stuff that they are ashamed of - in the dark. What you have done is to come into the light - you have chosen to be real and open, there is now, "NO CONDEMNATION" for those who are in Christ Jesus. You can let this go and bask in his light. He knows - all of it - and he adores you

This light that reveals our hearts is love... in his letter, John (the beloved disciple) said: (1 John 2:9-11) "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them."

Love is the beacon.

Okay, so the vision of the man in the tux... (this is me... just me speaking, not an interpreter or prophet... just what I think, so if it doesn't ring true for you - throw it out )

You said: "Here are the problems. I don't know if this is what I want. I really wanted to be freed from this relationship to start anew. I don’t know if I could ever trust him. I feel like I was finally coming to closure with this relationship and now it is the focus of my attention again. How is this possible?"

God has a great blessing planned for you. But you saw that it was not something that would be gained if you searched for it. I think you need to think of yourself as freed from this relationship.... by that I mean don't hang onto it or search for him/it.

Actively seek God, and pray for the man in the tux.

Think of him as that man in the tux and don't accept less than that. Pray that God works in his life... pray for it as fervently as your heart is breaking. That is the kind of prayer that great things are born of. If your eventual relationship has God all over it and in the centre of it and the matchmaker for it... then it will truly bless you as much as this promise says.

Let go of him and of the timing and just seek God... pray for him, pray also for a community to belong to in the meantime - God knows that it is not good to be alone and lonely... I will pray for you too.

Jesus, I lift up my sister Starlight, I pray that you will keep her close to your heart, may she hear your heartbeat to comfort her and feel your breath on her cheek. God, you are all powerful and so very loving, I know that you can bring these two people together in great tenderness and beauty if that is your plan. I pray that if it is not your plan, you will close the door to this relationship and you will give Starlight closure, and peace about the ending of this chapter of her life. I pray your Holy Spirit will wash over her and heal her heart over the abortion Lord Jesus, I cannot imagine the pain that causes her... I pray you will help her to forgive herself and to release her child into your hands and your keeping... I pray Lord that you will bless this woman who has recently returned to you, she stands before you pure and blameless... because you have said it is so... the blood of your precious son is enough to cover her sins. I pray Jesus you will help her to see herself as you see her, help her to catch a glimpse of the regal gown she wears in the heavenly realms... let her smile here reflect a hint of the joy and confidence she possesses in the reality of your kingdom. Let her be a balm for others, let her help others who have been where she has been to heal... your healer, your warrior against darkness Lord... thankyou that when we come to you and to your people and bare our hearts before your light, we feel not the condemnation we fear... we feel free! Lastly Lord I pray you will give her friendship, new friends who are after you too... give her walking companions Lord, it is so very important to do this walk together - please give her someone/a group of your people to belong to

Ok, I've gone on long enough.... bless you Starlight

Diane

[Starlight 0]

[/quote] thankyou that when we come to you and to your people and bare our hearts before your light, we feel not the condemnation we fear... we feel free! Diane [/quote]

I had tears in my eyes as I read your thoughtful comments and timely prayer. Saying thank you can not begin to convey my gratitude for your kindness. You are truly standing in the gap for me as I transition into a new life in Christ.

I loved your take on my vision as an end to the old relationship and opportunity for a new one that is under Christ and his protection. I will continue to meditate on your words for encouragement.

The idea and process of letting my desires and flesh die so that God's will is done is new for me. I receive texts and calls from my old friends (some I have known since grade school) and I reply cordially while still keeping my distance. I do not understand what is happening to me right now and I aim to submit to God's will for my life. I pray for continued strength during this process.

I want to also offer my prayer for you, your family and loved one's that every need is met according to his riches in heaven. I pray that he opens up the heavens and pours down blessings in every area of your life. God bless and keep you.

Kym

[Grey Butterfly 0]

Hi Kym,

It is a pleasure to stand in the gap for you :o) A pleasure to take your hand (virtually) and do life with you too.

I pray Lord that you will provide more than virtual hands, give Kym people who love you to walk with - please now Lord, please now. I pray that you are having a sunshine day Kym, a peaceful and blessed day... :o)

When it comes to the people from you past life, I think you are doing the best thing for now... I pray you might soon be surrounded and upheld by godly people and then you would be able to witness to these friends without risking falling into old ways and being tempted without knowing it. A good, loving community around you would cover you with prayer while ever you had contact with the world... pray for them in the meantime :o)

God be with Kym today, protect her with Angels wings, make her faith big Lord, keep her heart safe and strong and saturate her with you.

I love your soft heart Kym, and your willingness to submit to God... I pray he will direct your path as he has promised.

Blessings to you, and thanks for your prayers for me and for my family.... it is good to have this site isn't it!

Diane

[Grey Butterfly 0]

Bless you today Kym,

I prayed for you today... mostly for his presence, cos' if he is near, and you know it, all else becomes bearable :o)

[Starlight 0]

Hi Diane,

Thank your for your prayers I keep you in my prayers as well.

It is a Friday night and I am struggling with the idea of being alone. I could go out and I want to (just to diner or a movie) but with whom. I soo miss dating and I dont know how long I can last it has been like 5 months and this is hard.

This is the hardest thing cause I feel like I could probably meet someone much nicer than he was.... Ugghh. I was actually seeing someone who wanted a relationship and I pulled away. This seems so strange to give up a possible great guy for someone who broke my heart and I have not heard from or seen him in 2 years. I start to question what if he is married or still in a relationship?

I am submitting to this but still dont understand. I know his plan for me is greater than the one I have for myself. I have a hard time with letting go of timing. I dont think I can hold out for years. I am praying that something happens within 18 months only because I dont know if I would last beyond that point. But they who wait on the lord shall renew their strength..... Its gonna be another loooooong weekend.

I hope all is well on your end. Thank you again for even listening.... I know I am having a moment right now. I pray you enjoy your weekend.

God Bless,
Kym

[Grey Butterfly 0]

Hi Kym,

Being alone is hard. I guess that is why solitary confinement is a punishment, although, for me at the moment it sounds like a holiday :o)

When I was going to have my third child... I learnt something really valuable. Pain hurts less if you relax into it and let go.... (obviously that doesn't apply if you have your hand on a stove) But in childbirth, tensing and fighting the pain is counterproductive. It slows everything down and makes everything hurt more.

Why am I telling you that? I have a feeling that in this case, for you it will be the same. Feel, rest and breathe. It will be in stillness and in relying on God that you will find strength. Take some time, focus on God.... ask him to draw near to you, tell him you are hurting... my experience of what he does with that is a large part of why I trust him.... expect him to show up in a very real way... don't give up till he does :o) Maybe download some good Christian music to lift your spirits when you need it too... it is very hard to lift your own spirits isn't it!

Do you have Christians near you? Could you invite someone or a family perhaps over for a games night and get to know them, do you go to your local church??? Perhaps you could join a group that meets during the week... I pray that God brings someone who loves him into contact and that you can walk together with this person/group of people.

Bless you Kym... I came on here tonight because I was an idiot and watched a Sci-fi thriller with my hubby... and now I can't go to sleep straight away. I will take this to God now... cos' in his company I too will find rest :o)

Sometimes what we say to others is what we need to hear ourselves!

I pray that God gives you peace in your waiting, I pray he has prepared a wonderful guy for you - and that you will be glad of this time of preparation.

Goodnight :o)

Diane

[Grey Butterfly 0]

Hi Kym,

I was going to delete my last post.... because there I was giving you so much unasked for advice... and I am not even close to walking in your shoes. I'm so sorry! You have probably read it, so I won't delete it, I will leave it there because, even though it shows my weakness (giving advice and talking too much) it also shows that I care, because I do :)

I have been unable to come back over the last couple of days. My daughter was baptised yesterday, it was beautiful! We had people everywhere and not a moment to come on here.

I have been thinking of you however, heaps, and I am becoming convinced that the man in the tux in your vision was symbolic for Jesus, I believe the vision is showing you the beautiful relationship you have begun with Jesus - the church is his bride, beautifully dressed for her groom, and you are a part of that now. You have just begun this walk, and I think the fact the vision has you just walking down the aisle is indicative of beginnings. The get rid of other suitors is fitting, God is holy and hates anything that we worship in his place... he hates idols - in the bible they were statues of wood or gold, now, they can be anything that we run to instead of him.

Would you put your vision in the "dreams to be interpreted" section Kym and see what some of the people who have been doing this longer than I have tell you??? I don't think any more that it is telling you to save your heart for this man... I think it is telling you to set yourself apart for God.

Bless you!!!!!!

I really do care about you and will continue to pray.

:) Much love, Diane

[Grey Butterfly 0]

Hi Starlight,



Just praying for you, praying for God to be near you, for the spirit to be thick around you and for you to feel happy.

It is the weekend, (Sunday here) I hope you have enjoyed your break, I pray you have a wonderful week

Blessings to you, Diane

[Grey Butterfly 0]

Hi Kym,

Just checking in and saying hi.... I pray for you today... I pray that you have found some christian people to walk with, praying that you are clear on the path ahead and feeling positive and happy.

Bless you, Diane

[Grey Butterfly 0]

Hi Kym,

I pray that your day is great :o)

Blessings, Diane

[Starlight 0]

Hi Diane!!!!

I apologize for not responding sooner. I did not receive an email to notify of new posts for some reason.
Thank you for your continued kind thoughts and prayers.

I have thought about you over the last few weeks and I considered coming back to the thread just to say hi. Since I last posted I have found a new church and we love it. I look forward to going and the kids do as well. I have also gone away to visit my family to celebrate my grandmother's 75th birthday . I brought my niece and nephews back with me to visit for the summer. So I am now surrounded by 3 of greatest guys anywhere.. :)

I am soo much more at peace with being alone. I feel separate and different in many ways. I took the boys to the mall for lunch today and I dont even have the same excitement for shoes anymore I once leaned on shopping to cheer me up when all else failed.. Thank God I don't feel the need for that crutch anymore. I am basking in my new relationship with the Lord. My cravings for things outside myself to fill me up are lessening.

I feel amazing...still have my moments....but I would not trade anything from my past for what lies ahead

No need to apologize for your advice and counsel. I thank God for you. Your response to my post was light for me during a very dark and unsure time. I have no doubt that you do care and have only the best intentions... So dont apologize

After reading your post I made up my mind to visit the church I now attend. I now live almost 1000 miles away from most of my family as I moved to be with my Ex after college.10 years, 2 kids and a breakup later I am still here. I have attended a church here for the past 10 years but never became a member. The kids never liked it. I heard about the new church about 2 years ago but never went. The new church is 25 mins away from my home. The old church I attended was only 4 mins away. I kept going for convenience even after I realized it wasnt feeding my spiritually. Your post woke me up to my need to have a real fellowship and I think the new church is the perfect place to establish it.

Thanks again Diane,

I will keep you updated on my status and as always I will continue to pray for you and your family.

Take Care,
Kym

[Grey Butterfly 0]

OHHHH, I am sooo happy to hear your wonderful, contented tone Kym!!! Such joy, I feel like crying :o) Why is that?? it is odd that we cry when we are happy and sad isn't it :o)

I love that God has led you and that you are following like the child of God you are! I am glad that I was able to be a part of that! :o) Thankyou so much for allowing me into your heart and life! It is a real privelege.

I hope you really enjoy having your neice and nephews with you, that is sooo much fun isn't it! I used to borrow kids before I had my own, I loved being with them and having an excuse to do kid stuff :o)

I will come back and just say hi too...

Love to you sis :o)

Diane xxx

[Grey Butterfly 0]

Thinking of you today....

Hope you are out rollerskating (or something equally fun) with the kids :o)

Much love, Diane