I wanted to leave, but now I'll stay ...

[Chimere 0]

God bless everyone who will be reading this. I pray that you are having a blessed day inspite of the good or the bad that is happening to you at this moment. Last night was definitely a turn in events and when you've been walking closely with God like I do, nothing surprises you anymore especially when Satan is involved, the scripture 1 Peter 4:12-13: Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing has happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as you are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, you may be glad also with exceeding joy. May ths word encourage you and inspire as God has given this scripture to me just now. And as I feel His Presence while typing this to you all, there's a word He wants me to give to you. He wants me to lift up you hearts and keep on loving Him no matter what is going on in your life today.

As hard and hurtful this is for me to write, the Lord wants me to write this anyway. Last night, I experienced Satan here and it didn't really surprise me because I know for certain I am on the right track. The more I meditate on 1 Peter 4:12-13, the more it rings true. In my eight years of being with God, strange things have happened to me and it made me scratch my head and say to the Lord, "Lord, what did I do wrong?" But then the Lord brought His prophecy to my rememberance in February 2003 was the year God saved me, cleansed me and filled me with the Holy Ghost. He told me during these times I will experience persecution, loneliness, and when things seem to be going good they would fall apart, but through it all, His Glory will shine down on me when it seems I can't go on no more." I'm crying tears of joy right now, because I really am at my end. If I told you all the Hell I went through last year, most of you would ask me, "How are you still standing?"

I can only tell you as a living witness for Jesus Christ, it's His mercy and grace that is keeping me going. You see, I've came to the realization, that I cannot make it on my own. That I need His help daily. You want to know the secret of truly being with God: NEVER PRETEND OR ASSUME.

February 27th 2012 will make it nine years the Lord have saved me and kept me, but I work on my own salvation with fear and trembling. Wherefore, my beloved, as you always obeyed, not as much as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work on your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which works in you to both will and to do of his good pleasure.. Phil 2: 12-13. This is where Paul was speaking to the church of Christ's humility. It's a reason why Paul stated this as the Lord poured this scripture in his heart to speak to the people.

We can easily fall into sin when we give gateway to the devil and dance the waltz with him. We must be very careful of falsely criticizing and calling God's true servants false. When God comes to us, He does a gentle pulling when He want to consume things that are not of Him out of us. Salvation is a daily thing, for we're all work in progress. I apologize to you all that you had to witness of how real this spiritual warfare REALLY is. Paul was really overwhelmed in the Holy Spirit when stating this because our salvation/relationship with Jesus is a personal thing and this is something we shouldn't take lightly. Paul's heart was really after God because he didn't want the people to prove to him that they know of God, but he wanted them to get to really know Him behind closed doors. There's a difference between knowing of God and having Bible knowledge versus knowing God and having God given insight to what He is really saying to us.

It's up to us to take the ear plugs that is clogged deeply in our spiritual ears. And it grieves God when we slaughter each other daily in the Spirit. When I first got saved and I came out to New York on my own with only 200 dollars to my name. I was scared but God blessed me with a job a week after I moved there. But when things got bad with a girl who I thought was my friend, I moved to my cousin's house and she was a woman who claimed to be "living for God." Spiritual deepness in God isn't boasting how much you memorize scriptures of showing you have this elite knowledge of Him, rather, it is a deep Spiritual Connection between you and Jesus. It takes discipline to quiet your spirit in Him. If you really want to know who God really is, Ephesians 5: 6-12: Let no one deceive you with vain words: for because of these things comes the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. But do not be partakers with them. For you were sometimes darkness, but now you are of light in the Lord: walk as children of light: (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfrutiful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.

And this scripture meshes well with Galatians 5:22-26: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patient), gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance (self-control), against such there is no law. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh of affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another,envying one another.

So, you see, God's word is making it very clear that we cannot have light (God's love) and darkness (Satan's wicked pleasure to harm) being in us. It's either one or the other. As a woman of God, I cannot stand by and let anyone think it's okay to blatantly sin, when God has convicted my heart to know the truth for myself. Cholette and Connie had both verified when God gave me His Word and confirmation to them and I have never met them in my life and how could I know these things??? It's only through God's Holy Spirit. And even when astra confirmed how God used me to speak to her heart, that is nobody but God. I'm not ashamed to say it I have a HUGE problem when people pretend to be with God when they really are not. They speak with lip service, but their hearts are FAR from God. And God is not in that, you can't convince me otherwise. I'm speaking God's truth and the truth shall set you free. You can't fool someone who is observant and filled with God's Holy Ghost.

He will show you exactly what a man or woman is all about when you interact with them. God doesn't keep things from those who really worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. I love passing on the Word of God especially when God hears people's request and their hearts are aching for freedom and a BREAKTHROUGH! Because that is a personal conviction between God and them of what He has spoken to their spirit before I came along into their lives. So I give God GLORY for these special gifts He has given me and I am truly honored that He trusts me that much with them: for the gifts of discernment, insight, prophecy and senstivity are powerful and they are not to be ABUSED for selfish and fleshly purposes to prove to yourself and others how much you know of Him.

It's devastating when people play church. Matthew 6:24, Revelations 3:15-16, and James 1:8 is there for a reason. God doesn't want us to give half of us, He wants all of us. He wants us to make Him first in everything we do. I've seen it time and time again where people are so FULLY PERSUADED that God is with them when I see the exact opposite. I loathe hypocrisy because it's a delusion scheme that Satan uses to pull people further away from God and having them believe God is still with them. My friends laugh at me all the time when I say this and even my sisters. "Denial is one step closer to delusion." There's power in this statement.

I will happily explain to you what goes on in a hypocrite's mind: "I listen to the word of God. I simply come down the alter and confess I'm a sinner and dress the part. I want people to believe I am a man/woman of God. I will memorize the scriptures and show them that I am full of God's knowledge and I will soon be recognized as a man/woman of God." You see it all the time, where false prophets on television, talk of wealth and prosperity and encouraging people and twisting the word of God with THEIR BELIEFS. If you don't believe me, humor me and watch them on tv one day, and ask for God to show you what they are really preaching and when you read God's word for yourself, God will open your spiritual eyes to see this contradicts the word of God. And be not deceived, beloved. Satan knows how to connivingly use God's Word for his evil pleasure.

I know this is long, but I have one more story and I'm off. I never forgot before I moved in to my apartment in 2008 and I was facing such a rough time. During the winter time, I was living in a SRO (Single Room Occupancy) for women. If you've seen where I was living and you would look at me, you would ask, "What's a young woman doing in a place with former addicts, women who came out of prison for murder and other charges and lesbians?"

God kept me and spared, that's all I can say. One woman threatened to take my life while the other two women betrayed me. The woman who lived in room 25, I have given her 25 dollars so she could do whatever she wanted. That's her business and I wasn't going to meddle with that. Like a week later, Room 25 gave my money to the woman who lived in Room 26. And she spent my money, that I needed that week and had the nerve to get angry at me because I didn't want to talk to her. You see, when I get angry, you really don't want to know what I think, because I know it will not come out right and I always pray to the Lord to guard my tongue and give me exactly what to say. So she banged on my other neighbor's door Room 28 like a mad woman. Cursing me out and ruining my name, spreading untrue things about me to everyone in the building. One day, I was heading out with another roomate from room 21 and Woman room 26 started mess with me and the Lord's spirit fell on me with scripture Psalms 105:15, as she boldly came in my face, I said to her with no fear in my heart, "Touch not mine anointed and do my prophets no harm." The Lord showed me she wanted to HURT ME physically. And she blatantly said in my face, letting the devil use her greatly. "You're not anointed. God is not with you." I cried day and night with how she ruined my name and mostly hurt my soul. And I cried tears of deep pain and groaning and the Lord heard my cry. We haven't spoken to each other in months and then the fall of 2008 came around and I was in the chinese restaurant, minding my own business, Woman room 26 was walking out side and saw me and she was in tears, the same TEARS she caused me to cry, and when God gives a warning to not harm those He has chosen, He means it and with a VALID and GOOD reason. That's why the scripture Galatians 6:7 makes this VERY CLEAR: Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man/woman sows, that he/she shall also reap.

God unleashed the devil loose on her for mocking His servant and it was bad, she came to me in tears when her daughter was on her death bed for giving birth to one of her grandchildren. And she asked me for forgivess and to pray for her. Now any person in the world would have slapped her, spit in her face, or walked away. But because I am a child of God, He was working on me and convicted my heart to forgive her and pray for her and we are no longer at odds with each other. Let this be a lesson learned, we must be very careful who we speak against especially in the household of faith!!!!

I never forgot when I watched Tyler Perry's movie last year with Janet Jackson, Whoopi Goldberg and so many other women in the cast. I remember it was two gay men sitting behind me and when Whoopi's daughter in the scene slapped her. Their comments were, "Ooh, you never slap a church woman." Even though they are in sin, but even they have sense enough to know you don't harm God's servants. We're the apple of His Eye and He hears and answers our prayers. I'm not scaring anyone, but the Lord wanted me to explain to you all WHY God makes His Word ever present today and that it comes true. Everything that is in the Bible is put there for a reason and reasons our finite minds will hardly comprehend.

But there is REDEMPTION, AMEN. See God loves a sincere broken heart and contrite spirit. When we realize what we have done and our hearts are severely broken from the stone that surrounds it, that is when God steps in. He can take the hardest of hearts and know how to break that unruly spirit, for nothing is too hard for God! God will fight your battles for you and always remember when the devil is flaring up in your face, know that God's GOT a BLESSING for you! Be encouraged and May He be with you daily. Love Him first with a deep, unexplainable passion that ONLY God can understand the love you have for Him and watch Him move on your behalf ;). Believe me, I know this because I've experienced this first hand! :) Be blessed.