Confused about what happened

[Lara 0]

Last year summer, I was feeling really desperate to find a job and an appartment. I felt desperate and completely dependent on God because it seemed at the time as though only certain individuals were having success finding internships etc while others were left out in the cold.

So I started to cry out to God to give me at least some crumbs from the table since it seemed as though nothing was coming my way or was going to come my way unless God himself made it possible. I was also desperate to find an apartment since my time in the accomodation I had was running out.

I felt so pressured that I researched praying in tongues, a practice I had up until that point abandonned. I found a an e-book on it and prayed to God about praying in tongues again and I was off. I would spend at least an hour or so just praying in tongues. One time I felt like this heat coursing through part of my body and I felt as though I was being delivered from things. Other times as I prayed I felt different bondages leave me.

I continued reading the ebook and faith came up. Since I was trying to find an apartment and was commencing my job hunt I decided I would start speaking in faith. So I started saying with "man it is impossible but with God all things are possible". I also confessed out loud that I would find a job in the area and a nice apartment.
The first time I did this, I felt what I thought was the power of God stir in a new way. To the point where I felt weak. The only way I can descibre it is , I felt drunk in the spirit. I had never experienced God like this before. (Now I'm wondering if it really was God but I digress).

Whenever, I made these confessions the power would stir. This made me feel as though I would have what I said. Fast forward to today, I am back home and the  only thing that materialised was the apartment which I had for 6 weeks and had to give up because it was unavailable for the following month and then after that the fees were too exhorbitant.

I am now wondering what really happened to me last summer/fall. How is it that I could experience what I thought was God's power in confirming my confessions and nothing  came to pass the way I thought it would. The job I was believing for or the permanent apartment. I am back at home, broke and more or less penniless. Not the outcome I expected. Was I wrong about it being God's power? This has left me totally confused.

Can anyone shed any light on this?

[Cholette 0]

It may have been God's Power, but because you were so hungry to get what you want, you may have interpreted it to be God confirming what YOU wanted.  The one thing I do know about God is that he doesn't move as fast we we want, but He's a timely God.  When He says that He's going to do something, He does it...whether it happens right away or 20 years down the line.

My suggestion to you is to continue doing what you are doing by praying in tongues, but don't do it to GET from God...do it because that's your time alone with him praying a language that only HE can enjoy and understand.  Develop your relationship with him during this season.  Don't look for anything in return...do it because God wants to spend time with you and give you HIS desires.  That only happens when we DELIGHT ourselves IN HIM...not IN what we want.

The Bible tells us to seek HIM FIRST. When you do all that I suggested, you are seeking Him first.  Sometimes God needs to get our hearts straightened out before we can receive.  The Bible tells us to guard our hearts with all diligence because out of it flows the issues of life.  What we need and desire comes from the wombs of our hearts.  If our spiritual artieries are clogged and blocked with unforgiveness, bitterness or worry/concern, there is no way things can get through.  Ask God to help you to clean out your heart and then watch how things flow.  You are his vessel here on the earth that will bring glory to His name so He wants you to have the desires of your heart, but your heart has to be in condition.

I hope this helps and encourages...

[Lara 0]

Hello Cholette,
 It helps alot. I now understand that I wanted what I wanted and I was blinded by that. I am the cause of my own confusion and pain. :S

[Cholette 0]

I don't want you to get into condemnation about it all because you are NOT the cause of your own confusion and pain.  We are human and we tend to lean towards what makes us feel good and what make us happy.  Getting your job and moving into your own place is what would make you happy at that time...and it's okay.

God loves you enough NOT to allow what you want to get in the way of what HE wants for you.  What if God wants you to have a house and not just an apartment?  What if the position you are seeking is still taken by someone that God is orchestrating to leave, but the time hasn't come yet?  There are ALL types of scenarios to your story, but I know by the Spirit of the Lord that God has greater for you than what you've been asking for.  I believe that you will get in agreement with God as he pours his heart into yours as you pray in the spirit.  There is a conception that will take place and you will get the joy you are searching for in your relationship with him and not in the things that you are searching for.

Rest in his arms Lara...God is TRULY at work for you.  You can't see it, but I know what I'm hearing even as I type this.  Let him do it in you first so you can see...