Lord, send me someone who isn't a sexual predator. URGENT!!!!

[Jasmine 0]

Okay. So, I recently got fired from a gig. The same day a male writer contacted me on Linkedin. I thought it was a God-send, but he ended up confessing to me that he wanted to hug and kiss me after I told him I was turning sixteen. I emailed him back, saying that I had bad experiences with older men and I would like that our friendship remain strictly professional. However, I was flattered. He hasn't responded. It's a shame because I really wanted to work with him. He is a professional writer and he was going to help me edit my script for free. Truth is he was interested in more ways than one.

This isn't the only time. Last year, a 60-year-old man whom I trusted, come on to me. He and I were in the car and he kept rubbing my hand and caressing it. He kept insisting that I could do what I wanted because I was a fully-grown woman (i was 15). Then, he wanted to get out of the car a block away from my house to hug me. He also said he didn't want my mom to know how affectionate we were. A couple of months back, a 28-year-old man began flirting with me on the bus. I told him I was 15 and he continued. I gave him my number, cause I didn't want to be rude and he called me to ask me out. I declined saying I was too busy. He didn't call again. Also, there is this street vendor (probably as old as the last guy or older) that flirts with me. He calls me princess. He also said that maybe we will get married in the future. He thought I was in college. I told him I was only turning 16. He also said, I was not like any other person he's met. He saw my self-harm scars and was very concerned. He's sort of a devote muslim. I could be the only girl he's after. However, the Quran says a man can marry more than one woman. On the other had, I know he isn't very religious and muslims now a days get interested in girls for marriage, not booty calls. I know it cause my father is muslim. I didn't mind him, because he's cute. Moving on, now this man who contacted me on Linkedin. He's wanted to meet up since we started talking. I'm sick of being come onto and flirted with by men. I am not anyone's mistress (the 60-year-old man was married with children), I am not anyone's girlfriend (the 28-year-old obviously wanted a relationship), I am not anyone's future wife (you know what the muslim guy said), and I am not anyone's illegal affair (the last guy admitted he knew it was illegal and backed off).

Truth be told, I really want a boyfriend. I want a relationship. I know I'm young, but I would really like solid assurance from God and a guy that I don't only attract perverts. I also know that there's really nothing wrong with me. I'm super mature, but I'm also overweight. Maybe that's why. The guys that are around me are too immature to realize I'm a good catch. I'm not very clingy. I'm not easy. I have the personality traits that most guys look for. What's the matter? Why is God keeping all the good catches away and letting all the old farts near me. I may not be a 100% mentally healthy but who is? I don't need a boyfriend. I need God. But I want one. I want affectionate, eros-type (greek for romantic love) love. That isn't too much to ask. I'm not allowed to date, now. But if all I can have with a guy is a close, platonic relationship, then I'll take it. It has to be someone who I meet in person first and someone who I can hang out with. Can you please pray for me and empathize with me? I am going to a new school in September, but I have to choose one first. I am hoping this guy will go to my school.

[Jasmine 0]

Help...?

[astra 0]

Hi Jasmine,
You are giving people great advises from what I see here. So I have a question for you. If someone came to you with the same problem, what would you tell them?

[Jasmine 0]

Idk to no honest. I know I give good advice, but unless it was a relationship problem I wouldn't know what to do. When it comes to attracting or repelling older men I really don't know. I don't dress provacitively. I don't flirt. I sometimes wear makeup. I really don't know. I could just pray and wait but that isn't enough for me.

[astra 0]

Well, I did not mena actually attracting or repelling people. What I meant was, in 99% of cases we fight with the FRUIT, thinking that it's the problem. While the actual problem is the ROOT. And it's hard to come after the root because it's "hidden" and not obvious at all unless you look for it real hard.
Dealing with the fruit is absolutely unproductive because as soon as you eliminate one, the other one pops up right away and so on and so forth. Satan totally loves it because he can wear us down like that and stop us from resisting him and give up instead.
That's why I wanted to see what you'd say to a person if they came to you with the same problem. It's kind of easier to see when the problem is "not our personal one". Kind off step back and look at it from a different perspective, then we tend to see clearer. I find it's like that with me. Oftentimes when I feel "stuck", I think "If I had to give someone with the same problem and advice, what would I tell them?" And then I have to follow through with it.
We also tend to be more "tolerant" to our own "hangups" and not as willing to deal with them as we would when it's about anothe rperson, so that also helps me to see where I should be more aggressive in dealing with my own "storngholds".

But anyway, I also do not know and won't even go giving advices about attracting/repelling people. I don't think this is the real problem here.
I think the real root is in your heart (I totally believe that the root of our every single problem is in our hearts, not in outside circumstances or other people. And I can explain it but it would be a lengthy explanation).
You said yourself that you KNOW you NEED God, but WANT a relationship which you also know you are not even allowed to have yet.
So to actually deal with it would be to look deep inside of your heart and determine exactly what it is that drives this desire to have this relationship right now. Look in the realm of FEELINGS.
Think of how it would make you FEEL if you had this relationship that you want so much.
Once you realise what you need to GET from it, you will see plainly that it is not the actual relationship that you want but actually the gratification of feelings about YOU.
If I place myself in your shoes so to speak, I'd think, OK if I feel that I need a relationship so bad, how would I feel about MYSELF when I got it and how do I feel NOW that I don't have it.
And you would be very very surprised to see plainly that MOST of our problems or their "friiyt" like getting into relationships etc, actually is all about our personal VALUE.
I have a very strong feeling that in your case you feel like unless someone confirms that you are valuable to them by getting into a relationship with you you simply do not feel VALUABLE ENOUGH in your own eyes and are trying to "fix this" by getting into a relationship.
The problem here is that a relationship is not going to fix it. If you do not have a true reason to feel valuable which you ARE with or without a relationship, you are not going to feel better when you are in a relationship with another person. At least not in the long run.
Your REAL value is in the eyes of your CREATOR and we are not going to get it anywhere else but through meditating deeply, on the level of our hearts (not just minds) deriving it from the Word of the One Who created us.
It's absolutelly impossible to satisfy this through any other source. We were creatyed that way. This is our PURPOSE! And there's nothing that can change this.

So am I saying that I am against relationships? Of course not. Relationships are great when both parties do not try and get their value from each other, but rather from where it truly is - in our Father's Love and are simply GIVING to each other unconditional love.

Marriages fail so much simply because when people say "I love you", they actually mean "I love how I feel about myslef when I am with you", or "I love what I can get from you", whether this is emotional, financial, social or any other gratification. And the worst part is in most cases they don't even realise it or how wrng this attitude is.

So that's all I wanted to say about this. As to God keeping all young boys from you and letting the old ones bother you, I honestly don't know such "god". Our Heavely Father is NOT like that at all, not even close. He keeps nothing good from any of us, nor does He tempt us with bad stuff or "allows" it to happen to us. When we think that about Him, all it does is it pushes us away from the Only One who loves us totally perfect and absolutely unconditionally.

Blessings

[Jasmine 0]

I understand what you said but you are only seeing it from one angle. I chase a man's approval because I didn't getting from my father. I also want some sort of father figure. I am not sure to who is going to fill that position. I also want a romantic relationship from a different person because I do feel lonely and I do like the feeling of someone liking me as more than a friend. I honestly do know my value. I know I'm beautiful on the inside and out. I know my worth is based on my Creator and not any relationship, but to be honest I still really want a relationship not to feel better about myself but to pour out of myself to benefit someone else in a very personal way. I don't want a relationship so I can feel better. I want a father figure for that. I don't want a father figure to pour out my affection and love. I want a relationship for that. I used to mix up the two but I don't anymore.

[Cholette 0]

astra wrote:

Well, I did not mena actually attracting or repelling people. What I meant was, in 99% of cases we fight with the FRUIT, thinking that it's the problem. While the actual problem is the ROOT. And it's hard to come after the root because it's "hidden" and not obvious at all unless you look for it real hard.
Dealing with the fruit is absolutely unproductive because as soon as you eliminate one, the other one pops up right away and so on and so forth. Satan totally loves it because he can wear us down like that and stop us from resisting him and give up instead.
That's why I wanted to see what you'd say to a person if they came to you with the same problem. It's kind of easier to see when the problem is "not our personal one". Kind off step back and look at it from a different perspective, then we tend to see clearer. I find it's like that with me. Oftentimes when I feel "stuck", I think "If I had to give someone with the same problem and advice, what would I tell them?" And then I have to follow through with it.
We also tend to be more "tolerant" to our own "hangups" and not as willing to deal with them as we would when it's about anothe rperson, so that also helps me to see where I should be more aggressive in dealing with my own "storngholds".

But anyway, I also do not know and won't even go giving advices about attracting/repelling people. I don't think this is the real problem here.
I think the real root is in your heart (I totally believe that the root of our every single problem is in our hearts, not in outside circumstances or other people. And I can explain it but it would be a lengthy explanation).
You said yourself that you KNOW you NEED God, but WANT a relationship which you also know you are not even allowed to have yet.
So to actually deal with it would be to look deep inside of your heart and determine exactly what it is that drives this desire to have this relationship right now. Look in the realm of FEELINGS.
Think of how it would make you FEEL if you had this relationship that you want so much.
Once you realise what you need to GET from it, you will see plainly that it is not the actual relationship that you want but actually the gratification of feelings about YOU.
If I place myself in your shoes so to speak, I'd think, OK if I feel that I need a relationship so bad, how would I feel about MYSELF when I got it and how do I feel NOW that I don't have it.
And you would be very very surprised to see plainly that MOST of our problems or their "friiyt" like getting into relationships etc, actually is all about our personal VALUE.
I have a very strong feeling that in your case you feel like unless someone confirms that you are valuable to them by getting into a relationship with you you simply do not feel VALUABLE ENOUGH in your own eyes and are trying to "fix this" by getting into a relationship.
The problem here is that a relationship is not going to fix it. If you do not have a true reason to feel valuable which you ARE with or without a relationship, you are not going to feel better when you are in a relationship with another person. At least not in the long run.
Your REAL value is in the eyes of your CREATOR and we are not going to get it anywhere else but through meditating deeply, on the level of our hearts (not just minds) deriving it from the Word of the One Who created us.
It's absolutelly impossible to satisfy this through any other source. We were creatyed that way. This is our PURPOSE! And there's nothing that can change this.

So am I saying that I am against relationships? Of course not. Relationships are great when both parties do not try and get their value from each other, but rather from where it truly is - in our Father's Love and are simply GIVING to each other unconditional love.

Marriages fail so much simply because when people say "I love you", they actually mean "I love how I feel about myslef when I am with you", or "I love what I can get from you", whether this is emotional, financial, social or any other gratification. And the worst part is in most cases they don't even realise it or how wrng this attitude is.

So that's all I wanted to say about this. As to God keeping all young boys from you and letting the old ones bother you, I honestly don't know such "god". Our Heavely Father is NOT like that at all, not even close. He keeps nothing good from any of us, nor does He tempt us with bad stuff or "allows" it to happen to us. When we think that about Him, all it does is it pushes us away from the Only One who loves us totally perfect and absolutely unconditionally.

Blessings

EXCELLENT POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     I wholeheartedly AGREE!

[Cholette 0]

Jasmine wrote:

I understand what you said but you are only seeing it from one angle. I chase a man's approval because I didn't getting from my father. I also want some sort of father figure. I am not sure to who is going to fill that position. I also want a romantic relationship from a different person because I do feel lonely and I do like the feeling of someone liking me as more than a friend. I honestly do know my value. I know I'm beautiful on the inside and out. I know my worth is based on my Creator and not any relationship, but to be honest I still really want a relationship not to feel better about myself but to pour out of myself to benefit someone else in a very personal way. I don't want a relationship so I can feel better. I want a father figure for that. I don't want a father figure to pour out my affection and love. I want a relationship for that. I used to mix up the two but I don't anymore.

I will step in and add my two cents here because I will tell you Jasmine that if it were true that you knew who you are, you would attract different types of people. I call it "the scent of a woman". We only attract people that can sniff out our scent. That is why you see women who are in abusive relationships keep going from one to another because they keep attracting the same type of man. If you are attracting certain people to your life, THAT'S what's inside of you. I know it sounds harsh, but it's truth.

My friendships had to change recently because I had a bunch of lazy people around me. When I saw them, I immediately looked at myself and said that must be inside of me. So I went before God and got into His word and began to hide his word in my heart so I would not sin against him (as David so eloquently put it).

Your positive thought about yourself are only in your head...but not in your heart. It's the condition of your heart that is attracting the people your way. I could go deeper into this, but I won't do it here, but EVERYTHING Astra is saying to you is spot on and is not from one perspective, as you stated...it's the ONLY perspective in your case. You mentioned not having a father in your life...and yes that is a void. I was in your shoes at your age. I had a father in my life, but he was absent emotionally. I enjoyed allowing the older men come after me. I actually dated older me for a lot of my dating years until I realized that was what I was looking for...validation from my father. Validation is HUGE and you say you want to pour into someone else, but you don't have much to pour yet sweetheart. You got into a car with a 60 year old man. Wisdom and a secure and validated heart would have told you to NOT do that...no matter what he was offering you.

I want you to see this outside of what your feelings are telling you. Your "scent" has to change...and that can only happen through the Word of God...washing yourself in His Word and TRULY understanding who you are.

I gotta go, but please read this from a place of love. It's a little bold in writing, but my heart is saying this to you because I've been where you are and I know what my problem was and I definately know what your problem is as well. Go back to God and ask Him to help you...change your focus...there is more for you in this season of your life besides a relationship. You have to have a healthy one with God FIRST...then the others will follow.

[Jasmine 0]

I got into the care with the man because my mom told me to. She trusted so why should I be the cautious one? I can't do this relationship with God thing by my own. I mean it can't just be God and me. From my experiences a relationship with God is very difficult to maintain.

[Cholette 0]

A relationship with God is the easiest and most rewarding relationship you can ever have. I'm not being cliché when I say that...it's truth. Without your relationship with Him spiritually, no natural relationship will ever work. You will search high and low to feel fulfilled, but will never be until your relationship with God is in tact...

[Jasmine 0]

I know. Its not easy though not at all for me.

[astra 0]

Jasmine,

Cholette said the absolute truth about how easy it is to have a wonderful, close relationship with God. I understand that you are saying it's hard for you. But judging (discerning) from what you are saying in your posts, I believe the reason is because you are always trying to measure up the Word by your worldly experience.

It should be the exact opposite. YOU MEASURE THE WORLD AROUND YOU AND SHAPE IT UP (OR RESHAPE IT) BY THE WORD OF GOD!!! Then you'll start seeing changes that you want to see :-)

And again, this is a process and it does not happen overnight. Be patient with yourself. Very patient!

Sadly many people make this mistake. They read the Word and then look around and do not see it exactly the Word describes it and they DISMISS THE WORD instead of changing what's around them.

I can compare it to a woman buying a dress. She would come to a store and pick out an outfit and put it on. Pretend the outfit is the Word of God and a woman represents her physical (carnal) world (her physical life). So when the outfit does not fit correctly most people would take it off and put it back and totally dismiss it.

And it seems right when we are talking about an actual, literal outfit. But in the spiritual realm exactly the opposite is true. The Word of God is the perfect "outfit" for us! When we put it on and it does not look like our body's shape (carnal circumstances) were made for it at all, still put it on and keep it on. The outfit will RESHAPE you (your circumstances)!!!!! That's how it works, and it DOES WORK :-)

So I have good news and bad news for you, Jasmine.

Good news is that God set your free to chose what to believe and there is NOTHING whatsoever that can prevent you from taking the right path should you chose to walk it (Romans 8:35, 38-39 - LOVE THESE VERSES!!!) EXCEPT FOR (and here's the bad news) - one thing only: you not being willing to accept it.

Yup, this is the only thing that will stop you. Just like the Book of Romans says, no external things whether in this physical (carnal) world nor in the spiritual world is able to hinder you from receiving it. All doors are already OPEN (religion teaches us that we have to beg God to open doors for us, but this is all in vain. Doors are open already!). But if you read Ephesians 3:20 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us," you can plainly see that there's nothing that God won't do for us BUT it's according to the power that works WITHIN US. And each and every one of us are the only ones in charge of letting His Power to work in us by accepting and believing it.

It's ok to not having a full understanding about how things work in the spirit realm at first. We all start there. No exceptions at all. But we can and we must learn! Ask God for wisdom and understanding and He always gives above all that we can ask or even hope for.

BUT once you are "set" in your own, carnal way or understanding and are not willing to give Go the lead, this is the only thing that will stop you from being enlightened and walk out your destiny which is absolutely GLORIOUS!!!

To sum it up, Jasmine, when you don't see your circumstances or experiences match up with the Word of God, ditch the experiences and circumstances and keep the World. If you don't understand, ask for understanding, believe that He gives the moment you ask and you shall receive ;-). It ALWAYS happens that way, ALWAYS! God's Word NEVER fails, ever, ever, ever!

But it's totally up to you what to chose to believe :-) You're in charge here, not God.
I've got some more thoughts that I'd love to share with you but this is all I have time for at the moment. I'll try and write more as soon as I can.

Just one more thing for now. You said that you do know your value in God's eyes, but with everything else you are saying it's very clear that you don't. If you value someone to the point where you'd die FOR THEIR WRONGDOINGS and take the full blame for them, you'd never ever turn around and start pushing junk on them (like you said you believe God hinders good boys from getting into a relationship with you and instead puts old perverts near you to bother you). This is bad even by our worldly standards. Even a worldly friend among sinners won't do that to their loved ones.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 reads "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Many people understand it as God's standard for us, Christians. This is true, but rarely do people realize that this is God describing HIMSELF! This is how His love is like towards YOU, Jasmine!
So when a nasty thought comes to your mind like God doing bad things to you, you just put it beside that scripture and see how rediculous it is and immediately dismiss it. That would help you greatly to sort out satan's lies about God in your heart once and for all.


Cheers :-)

[Jasmine 0]

I don't know what to believd anymore.

[astra 0]

I don't get what the dilemma is. If I were you I'd believe the Bible and not what's around you and what's happening. Believining the Word of your God is LIFE and anything else it a total defeat.