:uhoh: I feel like this emoticon, very down, sad and it feels as if my life and progress with my husband has taken a few steps back again. Just as things start looking better something happens which breaks down my faith so much. I hate it.
I'm talking about my husband. Like most of you know I've been praying for him for how many years to be saved. He did give his heart to Jesus just before we got married, but he back slided A LOT. This is the problem: He wants to go to the church in which he grew up in (although he never goes to church). I grew up in the same kind of church, but when I really found Jesus it was at a charismatic church camp and prefer to go to a more charasmatic church than the church in which we got married in. The issue actually is that he doesn't want me to go to those kind of churches because he and his parents thinks it is weired and not the right way to serve God. He also knows that his life should change dramatically if he has a relationship with Jesus. He drinks a lot etc. But what he doesn't know is that life with Jesus is so much more rewarding than the old life and so much more FUN!
A while back we nearly got divorced because of all of this stuff. He told me that if I keep on going to these churches and church camps and church meetings etc. he will leave me. You guys tears are welling up inside me now, because how can I stop doing what I love so much? I can not. This weekend my parents paid for us to go to a Lodge with them. Saturday night we sat around a bush fire and listened to the night sounds, it was beautifull. Him and my mother started a coversation about dreams she has which happens in real life (my mother is prophetic too, she just doesn't know it yet ). My husband started talking about me also having a lot of dreams and supernatural experiences and I thought wow this conversation is going some where. I should have guessed it, it wasn't long before my husband started lashing out at me again about these weired churches and stuff. He was drunk yes, but he feels the same way even if he is sober. AGAIN he told me that our children will NOT grow up in that church. If that is my choice I should start looking for a new husband!!! I can not describe to you what is going on inside of me. What should I do?
He said that when he got baptised with the Holy Spirit, he just did it to keep me and not loose me. He wished that he could give it back, because it doesn't feel right to him. He was baptised as a baby and that is enough. I always thought that he just "gave his heart to Jesus" to keep me and not loose me. I was right. I left him when we were engaged and then he went to a church camp with his brother where he got "saved" and I took him back. It wasn't long after our marriage when the old person was back again.
There is so many differences between our churches. They believe in baptising babies not grown ups. The parents first have to be examined before the baby can be baptised to see if you attend church regularly. If you have a baby out of marriage for example you are not alowed to come to church for 6 months (such a person especially needs God in their life at that point). It is man made rules which to me is rediculous. I also once heard the minister of that church make a racist remark and in this church only white people are alowed!!!!!!!!!! God made all people not just white people. I was so shocked. They also don't preach about the gifts of the Holy Spirit. They don't believe in it.
Oh you guys, I don't know what to do. I get up very early in the mornings to have my time with God, because I don't have any other time. I can't even watch christian channels on tv, because my husband gets so mad when he sees I'm watching God TV or TBN. I think he wants the old me who drank with him and went to parties etc. Well, we have two beautifull children and I have Jesus in my life, so the old me will never ever come back. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. How I wish I could go on church camps and church gatherings like my friends. They don't understand how blessed they are, especially if their husbands are serving the Lord with them.
Now my question is this, should I ignore my husband and go on to serve God when I can, or should I compromise and start going to his church (which I will be going to alone, 'cause he has been there only twice). What should I do????????? Risk my marriage? I know God hates divorces.
I've got a lot more that I want to tell you guys, but this is getting very long, don't want to bore you with my issues. I'm at breaking point, I can not do this anymore.
xxx
No, no, no that is not what I mean. This church don't allow black people in the church. So what I mean is will it be wise for me to go to this church, because I don't agree with them and I know God don't agree with that as well, because He didn't only make white people. He created all, so I just won't be happy to be part of a church who doesn't welcome black people. I mean God can't be happy with this church ("go against God").