Hi im new to this site, so forgive me, if you feel im intruding on anything. But couldnt help hear your hearts cry. It seems to me that both yourself and this man have some healing that is needed as there seems to be a lot of insecurities on both parts. To go fully into this relationship right now could be disastrous in my opinion for you both and you could just end up in more hurt. I think that what many have tried to say here is right, you have heard the scripture that unless a grain of wheat falls in the earth and dies, it cannot produce good fruit, I feel you might have to die to this relationship and hand it over to God and trust in Him to bring the desires of your heart. At the moment your own hurts and fears are getting in the way of what God wants to do in your life, He wants to be the primary source and trust me even when you get married it can be very lonely, marriage is not an answer for heartfelt hurts and needs, God is. If this relationship is right, God will sort it, but it might have to die first.
God bless, and these are just my thoughts, so do pray about them wont you and take care....