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Delightful soul

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About Delightful soul

  • Birthday 07/08/1975
  1. I haven’t been here for a long while and last time u looked at this site you could send personal messages to other members here but I can’t seem to now? I’m trying to find Mia on fb
  2. Thankyou both to Cholette and to Exo. I really needed help in this. I guess for me it has been so hard. But what you said Cholette about feeling lonely is so true, but the funny thing is when I broke up with this guy and cut all contact to the men I had been chatting to, I felt peace and as though it was perfectly ok to be alone. I have been trying to work on my health and to gain some kind of newness to my life and for some reason I feel that this season of my life is about ME. God told me this several years ago now and it has been so very hard as the moment he told me this it was as if all my friends started to drop off like flies. I even had to confront several of my friends who were in bad relationships and so they punished me by withdrawing themselves from me. I really felt as though God wanted me to confront them and there were some really bad decisions they had been making, all of these women chose to compromise and marry second best and I really mean it. One of these women married a guy who was into some serious sexual immorality and the Lord told me to confront her before they even got engaged. She is now separated from him last I heard. Even though I told all these women the truth, they did not want to hear it and now it seems I am being tempted by the same demons and my own flesh to cave to impatience and try and make a relationship happen. I guess I have to take my own advice. So I now have only 3 friends, two of whom live so far away from me and the one who lives close is moving away soon. lol I have to laugh cause I just know it is an end to some seasons. The thing is I changed my name two years ago and as I did, the Lord has been cutting off the old me and birthing me into the new me. Part of this has been to end the toxic relationships I was involved with mostly with women. I have all my life attracted needy and problematic women. Most of these women have had eating disorders and sexual abuse problems, all of them very damaged in some way, not that this is a reason to not love them or be in their lives, but I felt the Lord challenge me as to why I always attracted these troubled people into my life. It was as if I needed to be needed and that I actually was in relationships only to rescue and be a sound board. It was very draining and taxing on my life. I felt none of these women ever wanted to have 'fun', all they wanted to do was complain about their lives and go in circles. Pretty much what God has shown me I was doing in a way. They say insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. So now God has wiped my slate clean so to speak and everything is all new. I feel like a new woman and now that I am free of all these entanglements, it is as if I have no idea how to have fun myself and yet I am so hungry for it. I felt as though God was saying that now was the time to get fit and healthy and to begin to do things that made me happy. I haven't even gone to church for months cause I found that church was so boring and religious and full of people with problems. I mean I couldn't even walk into a church without some person with mental issues sitting next to me and dumping all their problems onto me. So I thought to myself, 'does God even want me here". I know some of you reading this may think I'm not doing the right thing but for the first time in my life I decided to opt out of pew sitting and just hold Jesus hand and enter into the day to day relationship with him. I'm now often reading chapters of scripture and am more close to HIm than ever and I have been delivered of the need to please people. A woman I went to church with even stopped calling me once I left their church and we had been so close but I am sure now she has avoided me as she sees me as 'straying from the flock'. This is so judgemental and typical of a lot of church culture as they are taught to fear and I honestly believe God is doing something amazing in my life right now. I feel as though I am hidden in His cave and that it is just me and Him. I honestly feel so close. The only thing I felt I was rebelling in was in venturing out to find a man. I felt that I was sinning. I never thought I would feel like I was sinning in going to church, but I do. It just feels like I am going around the same stupid mountain. I go there and people try and put me in a box or make me 'serve' and join their programs. I sit in the church and sing a few songs that they say is worship and they preach a palatable message and then the service finishes, everyone gets into their clicks and says a polite hello but they actually don't want to get close, then some disabled guy comes up to me and tries to crack onto me or some nutty lady starts talking to herself in some kind of schizophrenic psychosis and so I go home feeling like a bloomin wreck, exhausted and as though I achieve nothing. If I want to worship God I can do it in my own home. If I want to be treated like an outcast I can find better places to go and have more fun being abused. I guess I am over it and in all of this the Lord is saying to me, "I never told you to go, you deserve to be treated with respect and honoured". It is as if I need to enter into what God is doing and all these men I have been chasing have just been stalling and wasting time. I know I have said a lot here. I thankyou for your input. I know that I need peace to be my umpire. Thanks guys. DS
  3. Dear Jasmine, Firstly I want to say that while I am not going to 'counsel' you , I want to say that I was very touched by your post. Secondly I want to say that you truly do have a gift of communication. You truly are talented. Thirdly, I related so much to your story. If anything I could say, I would say to you is this. I have walked before you and been emotionally abused. I have been psychologically abused. I have been emotionally neglected and name called and insulted in so many legal ways that in all honesty should have been deemed illegal but unfortunately so much of society says sticks and stones may break our bones but names will never hurt us. The thing is, dear one, it would seem you have been abused in the worst of ways. Your pain has been dismissed as unimportant by those who should consider it important, cause dear, you are in pain. You are on your way to healing though. Just remember Jesus never sinned in his anger and yet he got so angry at injustice that he overturned the tables remember. Jesus is more angry at the way your family has mistreated you and the issue here is not forgiveness, the issue here is being heard. Your family choose to dismiss your pain cause they are in so much pain themselves. So forgive them. However sister, do not put up with their abuse. You need to be vocal and honest, if not for them, for yourself. Stand up for yourself. Hold your head up high and while the industry is full of evil (am am a film and television graduate who struggles with mental illness and was very hurt by the demonic activity in the film school I attended), the industry in itself is not evil. God needs good people in the industry and especially scriptwriters. And to be honest, you don't need to mingle with too many people in writing, you just write your script and send it to producers. I majored in creative writing and I also love writing scripts. THe things is Hollywood is going down the gurgler anyway, so don't feel too overwhelmed at where you're headed, media can be done from the comfort of your own home these days, so don't even think in analogue terms as to making it big in Hollywood when more and more films are being made on location and from various smaller companies that are often started by one or two people. Don't stress matey. The truth is for a 17 year old you have more than enough insight and talent to shine anywhere you go in whatever you do. The thing is, are you wanting to become important to prove to your parents that you are someone who should be listened to? Cause honey, you don't need their approval and you will most likely never get from them what you really need and that is to be heard. I wanted to be an actress at your age and after going through film school and several mental breakdowns, I realised that all I wanted was for my mum and dad to love me and see me as the beautiful girl I never thought I was. I thought that if the world could see me up on the big screen then they would love me. That no one would ever tease me again or belittle me or tell me I was insignificant. I would SHOW them which is why I was attracted to SHOW BUSINESS. I wanted to prove to them I was lovable cause deep inside I wanted to be loved and to be honest, my family loved me in their own way, but not enough. They told me I was fat and not good enough. Then society did the same thing. If I had scars for all those emotional wounds I'd be a bleeding mess and would need an op to remove the scar tissue. But the thing is emotional wounding has its evidence these days in labels and medication to try and fix the problem when really most likely what would fix your issues would be if your family were made to account for their words and inactions. You are right in putting blame where it is due. The issue is, how can you remove yourself from such abuse. Only you can answer that one. I'd say you need to find supports in somewhere like a church or in a good friend who listens to your pain. Sweety, you're not alone. Blessings
  4. Hi everyone, Hope you guys are having a great week. I just wanted to stop by and say how much I appreciate this site. It has been some time that I have been on here but I always seem to find amazing stuff on here and fellowship from very mature Christians on here. Anyhow, I have been getting counselling on and off for the past few years and it has been abysmal in that I have found it hard to get a Christian perspective in many ways. So I guess I am writing here as a final attempt at wanting some clarity. My dilemma is that I have had guy trouble for many years. I have dated so much since 2008, but have found myself in all sorts of trouble. Mostly it is that many of these dates, the guys said they were Christian but were not and wanted to sleep with me. Many of them were met online since I Live in a rural area where it is hard to find single men. IN my town, it is even harder to find Christian ones in my area. Mostly the guys at church are married and the only single ones seems to be either ones with a disability (no offense) or ones who are in the drug rehab centre which is backed by the church and well even though they look, they are not allow to date and to be honest, I'm not up for a troublesome guy or one who is on his way to recovery. So in my searching, it has been one bad experience after another, so much so it has made me feel as if my old pastor who I am still friends with is right about saying I have a gift of singleness, cause in all honesty, it just doesn't seem to be happening. But there is this one guy whom I am communicating with. He is a couple of states away from me (I'm Australian) and he is new to the country. I have been getting along well with him and yet I have tried to call things off with him several times. There are many reasons. He is African and many of my friends have said that he may just be wanting to get into the country. Another, is while he says he is a Christian, I am not so sure of his maturity or approach to God. I am unsure about the whole thing. Yet on the other hand I am wondering why it feels like I am pushing him away cause I am more worried about what my friends would think of me going out with him and if they are right than what I feel when I am skyping or talking with him. He really seems so mature and kind and sensible. However, there is always that voice in the back of my head saying "am I just past relationship and does God actually want me all to Himself?" I just have no idea. I am also very lonely cause a lot of my friends have married and moved on. To be honest, all my friends married really bad guys and so I am also worried that I am being tempted to do the same thing. THe last time I broke up with this guy was last week and to be honest, I felt so much peace when I thought it was over. There was just me and my cat to worry about. Then he got back in contact with me and said he couldn't stop thinking about me and we basically started talking again. I have so much affection for him, but to be honest, my parents, my pastor, people very close to me, have not really encouraged me to seek a man in my life. My mum used to say all men were bastards and would warn me even as a young girl never to get married and my pastor who is a female and in her 60s and reckons she has the gift of singleness, pretty much thinks the same thing, It is like all the people that are important to me would rather I be single than married. My pastor said I have a gift of singleness and yet all I have wanted is to be married. Yet at times, I feel that maybe she knows better than me about all this and that the reason I am having such problems with men is that I am meant to be single and that I must die to self or something? In all honesty, I just feel so out of my depth when it comes to men, I really want to have a man, but whenever, I am in a relationship or semi relationship, I go through this tug of war constantly thinking God doesn't want me to have a man and I end up thinking he sabotaging my dating experiences in order that I remain single. THis is so huge, but my question is, could someone shed some light on my confusion? Cause this is really exhausting.
  5. i hear ya.........i used to have a friend who when stressed would twitch. God knows so lift them up in prayer, but nevertheless this sort of thing is being labelled and yet again people do not know what to do with these sorts of things and love to coin a disease. It kinda looks good on their resume for medical experts if they have coined a term. I suffer from M.C.B.A which is a mild case of baloney avoidance so I would be careful about all these terms that are flying around too. Thing is the enemy wants us to take our focus off the situation at hand and that is, Jesus is the healer and focus of our lives, no mattewr what doctors diagnose people as having, He wants us well. Good on you for spotting this one out and no matter where it is NYC or Kansas or Timbucktoo as we Aussies say, the devil is roaming about, but Jesus is everywhere!
  6. Wow this is answer to prayer Linda. I pray you respond well to the operation and treatment in His healing name, Amen.
  7. where is this place exactly?
  8. IM glad you received the response I had Jasmine as it was something I felt on my heart to reply with. God will move you in His time and in His way. TRUST is the key. BLessings.
  9. OH wowo I thought I was reading out of a journal of mine from when I was younger. I too wanted to be an actress till I came to the Lord and He showed me I had other talents besides acting also. I then went and studied marketing which lead to film school and where I felt God wanted me to specialise in a few areas mainly scriptwriting. Dearest Heart. I know too what it is like to be rejected and unwanted almost. I grew up teased and bullied by family and friends so called and school kids and knew that I had something special for my life. Thing is, I wanted the love of my peers then Jesus came into my life and showed me something profound. Rejection scars us. Jesus wants to heal us to the extent that our scars disappear and only His remain. Jesus wants to give you wholeness dear heart and it is not in a dream. It is not in anything but Christ. He is the dream sweetheart. But I don't want to burst your bubble as I know this may have made you think that Jesus does not care. I think those people you dreamed of were from Heaven. And Jesus wants you to have your dreams fulfilled but in His way, in His time and in HIM. Have you thought of contact Christian ministries who specialise in acting and scriptwiritng? There are some trust me. Precious Jasmine, NEVER EVER GIVE UP. But committ all your ways to Him and He shall direct your paths. If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed and do not doubt in your heart Jesus can give you anything your hearts desires. You can say to that mountain be removed and cast into the sea.......but first you need to identify the mountain......what is your mountain? Is it really your dreams or the fact you feel like your dreams have been discouraged, that your heart is yearning for recognition and validation. That your soul longs for expression and that perhaps Acting and scriptwriting SEEM to meet that need you have right now. I do not doubt you are talented. In fact I believe HE WILL GRANT YOU THESE DESIRES. But once you know how to handle fame and money and social pressures, you can have your desires. Am I making sense? Don't be like the world matey. Look at the rich and famous , are their insecurities met once they are successful actors/scriptwriters ? Most of them nowadays are into illicit affairs, drugs and all sorts of sin that is trying to meet a deep felt need to be accepted and LOVED. Remember when Jesus was tempted in the wilderness? He was offered the world by satan. Did He accept it's fleeting promise of fame fortune and power? No. Did Jesus end up powerful? Did He end up rich? Did He end up famous? YES TO ALL THREE> He is the strongest man ALIVE. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, the streets in heaven are made of Gold, and He's so famous the ungodly use His name as a swear word! Not to mention, the calendar celebrates His birth, His word is the most published work and well, He's JEEEEEEESUUUUS. Be patient hun and remember. You will have your desires met, just perhaps in a different order, in a different way, but nevertheless, YOU NEEDS and WANTS are met in CHrist alone. NO compromise necessary and no catches like the devil would have in his contract clause. I hope I'm making sense. You obviously have a hUGE call on your life otherwise I wouldn't have taken the time to say all this hard stuff to you. May He grant you all your desires in HIm and may He enlighten you to the real blessings that await you and not the counterfeit. TRUST HIM> He knows you and loves you and HE is KING. And you are His Royal Princess.You are royalty. Im serious. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise and know that you are so loved by Him and His body that He has spoken to you through your dreams about what broken dreams can do to a person. Don't let go of your dreams. Let go of the insecurities behind them. That's what I'm trying to say. God will not fail you and He wants you to have genuine wholeness in your life. If that means being a checkout chick, or a massage therapist (which I am currently as a job title) or an actress/writer, He will make you happy in that. Whatever you do do as unto the Lord. You are not what you do remember, it is who you ARE that is of importance to God and you are HIS KID! You have already made Him proud and He believes in you no matter what. I agree with Dove. Seek Him about your call. Seek Him first always. Blessings
  10. OH by the way, I was diagnosed with a cyst on my ovary a couple of years ago and i was getting really bad pain on and off for most parts of 2010 and some of 2011. A pastor prayed for me who did not know me and gave me a word of knowlege that he saw God healing my ovaries. Since about November of last year there has been NO PAIN whatsoever. It's a DONE DEAL I said as soon as he prayed and you know what.............with regards to healing.......IT IS. I hope this encourages you and others to stand firm in faith about these serious matters.
  11. Hi Cholette, I had to read this as i THOUGHT it was you who needed the prayers, (we all need them I know) but what a testimony of God's power through prayer. It put a smile on my face. Jehovah Rapha rules again!
  12. wow Trueflight that is awesome. God gave me a place to live and told me the number before I was even looking at places and you guessed it, the number was 7! Jesus is into details. And HE IS JEHOVAH JIREH amen.
  13. Im so happy for you Astra! All will be revealed ..
  14. wow when God moves , He really does hey!!! Glad what I said helped. Bless you heaps
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