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  • Birthday 04/07/1990
  1. After thinking about the situation, how would anyone know that she became a mass of salt when no one was allowed to turn aroud and look?: chinscratch: Was there someone walking behind her?
  2. I had a falling-out with the pastor of my church this past Sunday. We have practically opposite views on divine healing and God's character. He thinks it's not always God's will to heal everyone, but I think it's one of the provisions available to all believers through Jesus' end-life suffering and death. I believe God responds according to the individual's faith in Him. This man thinks God kills, injures, and sickens people today, but I believe it's not God's will for anyone to perish in the sense of Him wanting to wreak havoc like that. Someone else once told me that it was really the intense access to God's power/presence in the Church's beginning stages along with abusing it by offering profane fire in the O.T. for example, not God just wanting to kill people because He was angry at their disobedience. The only time He actually killed-off large numbers of people was the flood incident because the human race became perverted by angelic 'D.N.A.' My pastor also debased me for not having knowledge because I haven't yet attended college. I told him that I'm not interested in any of that right now because I'd otherwise be spending money that I don't have at the moment because I'm not currently working, as is also my father after a car wreck injury to his upper back, shoulders, and arms. I'm now searching for work, but I'm honestly not interested in taking any courses right now because I'm not sure what I want to do yet besides start working a job somewhere. Me not wanting to go back to school (and I did graduate for senior high) doesn't mean I'm not knowledgable or otherwise don't have much of a value as a person. I felt that my pastor was actually targeting me to feel better about himself and his own kids, even though one of them is an atheist. I haven't ever felt that I was accepted for myself at that church, and this event confirmed these suspicions. I told him that he doesn't have a right to tell me how to believe in God and live my own life. This was probably the first time in my life when I stood my own ground against someone else who wasn't treating me right in person. My question now, though, is should I go back to that church? What if he targets me in his sermons because it boosts his ego? I don't want to go there to be criticized every week.
  3. I sincerely appreciate all helpful advice given here. I still feel emotional pain from what these men did to me, but I have to choose to not let this pain control my spirit's path; I can't let it tear me away from God or devaluize myself. In fact, this may have been a good experience for me because I learned not to reveal everything in my heart to others (or else not right away) because of the risk of causing offense. I opened myself up to these people because I was hoping they could confirm for me whether or not things in my life (including my feelings about Jesus) were alright with God since I was unsure of this at the time. I achnowledge that I really need confidence now more than ever, but I also learned to let God be pretty much the Only One Who gives it to me because I can't always know whether or not people really know God or what's right concerning different situations. I think it's a matter of relying on Jesus to help me to fully know Him before I can be confident in myself or others (depending on how much their beliefs/hearts match-up with His). Thanks so much for this enlightenment! I have already revealed some personal things about my heart on this forum, but hopefully it's understandable that I'm a little wary after what happened to me on the other I used to go to. Actually, I expressed more about myself here than I did before on the other site. I guess they were more sensitive on that forum, or else they just wanted rid of me. However, another thing I learned is that I must respect others' sensitivities and weaknesses. But what if I don't initially know what they are, especially when first getting to know someone? Besides, I thought those people would be able to take it without being offended.
  4. Thank-you everyone for your insight on this; I have to see myself as having a greater value with God being present in my life. One of the ways that people have hurt me before which still bothers me was what happened when I tried seeking advice and prayer from another christian man from out-of-state. I met him on a different forum website pertaining to divine healing, and he said he wouldn't mind calling me. It was during the first call that he 'admitted' to me before I said anything intimate about myself that he used to watch "hard-core" porn on YouTube. I didn't know back then that no one is allowed to post such material there, but I think someone who works with technology and security systems such as himself must have known this unless possibly these images were on YouTube at one time before being totally removed. I fell for his false honesty, as I believe that's what it really was, and afterward told him personal things about myself because I mistakenly thought I had to confess such things [that I really didn't know whether or not were sinful/wrong] in order to be forgiven and physically healed by God. We continued to communicate over the next seven or eight months, and his prayers for me weren't going anywhere or resulting in any positive changes. I also noticed multiple times that he was starting to evade me when I'd mention my opinions on his beliefs; he might say that he's busy and has to go/leave while on chat or during a call if I explained my disagreement with any of his thoughts for example. He was in with others who eventually ganged-up on me and had the main moderator bash me although not ban me. (Keep in mind that I didn't tell anyone else on that site anything personal about myself before I talked with this man on the phone except for my age at the time, which I think was nineteen, my physical infirmities with the durations I've had them, and how unworthy of God's help I felt then.) What exactly happened then and why? I think it's obvious, but is there something else I'm missing? I believed I could go to these people for help during a time in my life when I didn't think I could go to anyone else. (I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer in 2009, I didn't think I could talk to my father, and I have no siblings and no close friends my age.) They seemed like that nicest people you could ever meet when you first talk with them-the man I talked to on the phone even told me I was "a beautiful person." I never had an experience with guys like this one before, and I wasn't expecting this at all. Furthermore, the man who trashed me finally who was also the main moderator on that site didn't post hardly anything at all while I was there until the time he decided to get me and afterward, and another man I talked to in chat never participated in the tele-conference calls which I did unless he never spoke up and maybe did after I quit taking part in them. How do I forgive these people now when they believe their treatment of me was right? In fact, I think these people feel that everything they do is right even though they're now trying to hide things by using coded words [that have number and other sybols substituting letters] in their current posts and by not saying as much or just mainly quoting scriptures.
  5. Today I talked with another christian I've known for awhile, and he said that there is something in my presence that attracts people to generally mistreat me. I believe that I'm shy and reserved when communicating with someone in person, and my self-confidence is pretty low. Yet I've been tramped on most of my life, so I just consistently endured it because fighting back never made it stop anyway. Besides, I chose to be very modest because I wanted to be nice instead of hurtful in telling anyone off. Does this mean I should draw people in to hurt me, or else treat me like I have a lesser value as a human being? I certainly don't believe so. I want to stop this in my life now because I'm recently starting to become upset that many people treat me like this when I express personal views about my faith they don't agree with or when I tell them I disagree with something they believe in as fact. It seems to me that people close to me are trying to control my beliefs about God and the supernatural by not treating me with respect after I tell them I don't believe exactly the same as they do. They may do things like make excuses that they're too busy to talk to me and have to go (basically evade me somehow) or just mock what I tell them. How should I manage this?
  6. Well, I think I'm able to “read” people more than ever by listening to them speak and observing their facial expressions. For example, I can tell from listening to people (esp. on television) whether or not they are skeptical by their tone. Yet, this may not be a gift; I think a lot of people can do this through experience. I've been told that I'm a very sensitive person, and many things scare and offend me anymore. I probably shouldn't, but I do watch a lot of television ever since my mother died from pancreatic cancer on February 12, 2009. (She was fifty-seven years old.) My family just got basic cable around the time television signals were being switched from analog to digital, so it was easier for us to just upgrade somewhat to cable. My father was working at the time, and I was home alone without a job. (I'm planning on starting work somewhere soon.) I also don't have any siblings, so I was lonely during the day and ended-up sleeping during the daytime and being up at night. When I was up, I'd keep the tube on constantly and channel surf among ten-ish stations. I actually hate much of the stuff on television, and the really morbid content scares me even though it is reality (to an extent when it comes to not believing in God). Yet, I still can't keep the thing off. Furthermore, I've sensed bad things before knowing what they were, like my dad getting hit from two cars from behind. I didn't know what was happening, but that morning I just felt like I didn't want him to leave for work. I was awake earlier than usual that day as my father was getting ready. I felt uneasy, but I had no idea why. He's still hurting in his shoulders today ever since this accident happened in 2007, and he now can't work because of tearing and nerve damage. I don't feel pain in my shoulders like my dad does, but he does have stiffness in his upper back and arms, and I'll get stiffness and soreness from my jaw joints, to my neck, then down throughout my back and sometimes my legs. My doctor told me my jaw joints are arthritic (I do have TMJ), but I feel wonder if I'm starting to get arthritis in the rest of my body; I'll even get sore in my finger and toe joints. (I can crack my toes often and have for most of my life, but I rarely crack my fingers.) Both my parents had/have arthritis, but I'm not sure exactly how bad it is/was. In another recent post here, I explained how I've heard voices that predicted future losses/infirmities: Another odd thing I forgot to mention concerning my mom dying was that I felt this great heaviness and yet seemed to be drifting as I walked through the house this one day—I was alone at home this day as my mother was in the hospital with cancer and my father was at work. In my mind, I get this message like it was a “death” spirit. Could there be any truth about this, or was it just the trauma I was going through then that was taking its toll on me? I'm not sure if I'm affected by other's pain in unusual ways, Christa, but I believe there's something spiritual going on behind the scenes.
  7. Reading the first post here under this topic reminds me of the similar healing miracles I've experienced myself. I went to a healing seminar once; a man there prayed for my legs to align, and my left one supposedly lengthened although I didn't see or feel anything as this occurred. Right after standing-up, though, I felt like I could stand more evenly and my clothes seemed to be laying better on me. This person who prayed for me lives in an area I frequent; he works on computers and provides my Internet service. I visited him one day right after receiving new glasses so he could enable my monitor to allow my speakers to operate. I asked him to pray for me while I was there since he did before with success, and he prayed for me in tongues. My vision in my right eye was blurry while wearing my new glasses that day, and I'd squint that eye--I felt messed-up. As this man prayed for me, I felt this cool air sensation over that eye and immediately could see clearly out of it. I also had this strange type of pain from these supposedly permanent injuries, which I still have after some years, that felt like the point of a knife was in me after standing for about half an hour. I once felt something shift in that area while in church after an interpretation, and I never had that particular pain since. Unfortunately, I still have other relative pain with the nerve and tissue damage as well as many other things: temporomandibular joint disorder; tooth sensitivity from decay; myopia; accidental earlobe-piercing stretching from wearing too-heavy earrings; extrinsic asthma; many food and nasal allergies that have resulted in swallowing difficulty and me losing my uvula to allergic infection; back and leg soreness; hirsutism; and poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. Yeah... Oh, I was also told that I'm at high risk for getting type II diabetes someday, and I'm almost twenty years old now--I feel like I'm about twice my current age. Now I personally feel that people receive healing from Jesus exactly according to their faith, including how long it takes for it to manifest and if it ever does. I don't intend to offend anyone with what I'm writing, and I read the forum rules, so I won't divulge names. I used to communicate with these 'christians' who really hurt me, and they'd follow certain people who are/were supposedly popular in ministering healing. Some of these famous 'christians' teach the necessity of doing things in order to be able to receive from God (I probably shouldn't mention them here because I'm worried about causing offense). One such person and his followers who I used to follow myself kept telling me and everyone that people generally must wait some time before healing manifests because of such things as "God is honored through patience and may also be testing your faith." (I hope it's alright that I just wrote this.) Yet, this could indeed be why many people don't get healed, and I'd think this would lead to discouragement after a while. In my search to learn the truth, I've unfortunately let myself be too exposed to many of the doubts people have concerning divine healing in the Western Church, and I still fear the possibility of these doubts being true. This is an important reason why I wish I could hear from the Holy Spirit, because it's easy to get confused out there. Besides, I don't remember Jesus practicing this when it came to healing people, except maybe in: 1.) Mark 8:22-25; At Bethsaida, Jesus had to lay His hands on a blind man's eyes twice before he was fully healed. 2.) Luke 17:12-15; Jesus tells ten lepers to show themselves to the priests, and they were cleansed on their way. 3.) John 9:7; A man born blind is healed after Jesus tells him to go wash in the Pool of Siloam. However, it doesn't seem like anyone was healed by Jesus in His day over longer than twenty-four hours. I know there were other healings in scripture, and even some in the Old Testament, but I don't think any of them took longer than one day, if even that long. If I'm wrong about this, please correct me. I know of many doubts when it comes to supernatural healing from Jesus, and I'm afraid of any or all of them being true. I believe this along with a low self-value, negative past experiences with many people, unresolved guilt, and misconceptions of God are causing me to stay unhealed. I'd suggest that if you have a strong faith in Jesus as your Healer, guard it! If you don't, guard your heart against anything negative occupying it (if that's possible somehow--I'm not sure how when negative things seem to be a natural part of your life)! I'd assume that God is entirely positive, anyway, so maybe that's a good enough reason to ignore all of the too-common unbelief that's being taught nowadays. Yet, if your new to learning about Jesus being your Healer, how are you supposed to really know what out there is right and what's not?
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