Freeprincess

When you are continually in the line of fire...which is the way I feel with relationships we are together in...then it becomes exhausting afterwhile. I don't feel I have the energy anymore and I don't feel like I want that job anymore. I also feel like in order for me to live I need to get away from him. I feel like if I stayed I would die.

Hi Daisy, After a few more conversations & my son drawing the line, my husband admitted it was his faulty communication style that created the issue...that perhaps he didn't communicate with his brother enough, etc. the only problem is that this is his pattern...he will only confess & do what's right when enough...key word "enough"...pressure is applied. I say "enough" because it takes so much energy to get him to see it. I don't even think he doesn't see it anymore. I think he just finally succumbs when he sees that nothing else will work...otherwise he keeps on doing the same thing. I know, I've lived with him and put up with it and suffered from it for over 27 years. The good news is my son took heed to his dream and decided it meant not to be angry or try to evenge, or revenge on it. He decided not to take anything personal his uncle said & to just to be at peace. He did agree he would pay $100 extra when he was able to in the future. I also decided not to engage in anything and even withdrew myself from the topic of conversation with my husband as much as I could. Thank you so much for your prayers. I believe they were effective in this situation.

Hi, Early last week my son had a dream that he and I were going to get into an "altercation" with some people who ripped us off. We first successfully got the "money" back from them that they took from us. But we were driving and as we turned the corner the people came around from nowhere and I was shot and died. My son said it was a very vivid dream as though it was real and he was really shaken by it. I thought maybe it was just a dream that the Holy Spirit was pointing out a heart change but not anything outwardly. Or I thought it was going to be at the place where we were moving. However, part of the dream manifested already. My husband's brother offered to fix my son's car for free if he bought the parts. However, more parts were needed and now he has said he needs to be paid for it. But he had offered to do it for free and now this puts my son in a precarious position. He never did any talking with his uncle, my husband did. He was trusting my husband (his dad) when he said his uncle was willing to do the labor for free. My husband & I have been in countless situations like this with me, my husband and someone else...where my husband would be the one who talks with the other person, but then somehow I get hurt in it exactly the way my son is being hurt in this position. He never agreed to pay for the labor and now his car is there with already some work done on it. My son feels that his uncle said he would do it for free and feels that he should do it. He simply does not have the money to pay for the labor. However this is where the dream begins to manifest: my husband, me and my son got into an argument tonight about it. I was angry because my husband has done this to me with other people all our married lives and now he is doing it to my son. That is that he didn't want to stick up for our son to his brother about sticking to his word about fixing the car for free, but instead he wanted to pay him out of money none of us have. (His brother owns 5 acres of land with a log cabin and is fixing to retire in a few years and he will only be around 60 when he does. He's had so much more than my husband or us ever had.) My beef with my husband is that he would rather compromise with the people even if it hurts me or in this case my son. I was pretty angry and so was my son. We NEED prayer that this will all work out peacefully and that no one will get hurt. I am going to post the entirity of my sons dream on the dream interpretation forum. Please pray for this...thanks..

Hi Everyone, I had a dream about 2 weeks ago or so about a woman that I hired to decorate a room in my house. In the dream I hired her to decorate the room but did not discuss with her what kind of style I wanted. Instead I judged by the way she was dressed and carried herself that I could trust her to decorate it in a way I would like. In the end of the dream I looked at the room and she had decorated it like halloween, with jack-o-lanterns, black and orange, etc. There was a coffee table made out of twigs in the end of the dream. What I ask prayers for is that there would be no "craftiness" in this meeting and if there is that whoever is in the room could discern it. That there would not be any ungodliness or perceptions brought about by craftiness or manipulation or misunderstandings. But that God would be in the conversation ruling it. I have had so many negative & divisive things happen in relationships with the church...often being misunderstood and not given a fair chance. Maybe pray that the leadership would ask to speak with me about it. Thank you so much for your prayers.

Thank you Dove Solutions. You have some great points.

Thank you for your perspective and encouragements Mark...

Hi White Shadow...the painful thing is they do not see the gifting in me and what is valuable about me. They do not really treat me like I have value. So yeah, they have some issues. So should I continue with this group. It's hard not to feel like I have failed here. Or that I didn't keep up with them and that is why I am "left behind". And then I think that I should keep trying because I do not want to be a quitter or worse loose out on what the Lord had for me here. I do not want to be the one on the other side of the "line of demarcation"...

I don't understand why God has the mantel of His presence on this group of people. I feel His presence when I go to the main worship meeting, but everything else regarding their behavior tells me different. The messages in my mind (and from them) is maybe I deserve it because of my shortcomings and sin so therefore they are right. It's really hard to come up against it when the Lord is among them. I have been "included" before in one of their groups. I did feel the presence of God and also felt "in fellowship" with them to a point anyway...where I felt a part of them. But then some of my issues came up...I made a mistake here or there...and I was uninvited in a covert way...the person said she was not having the meetings until further notice but I have learned the meetings continued with those they chose to have there. I have been told that this place is a ministry not a church. And they choose people in various meetings (that keep changing all the time as to when, where and who) because they see them at a certain level...where they believe the Lord can use them, I guess. They always make comments about people being offended when they are not picked and that is that person's issue. One thing I know is that there isn't an element of love and humility to help "outsiders" up. It really is, if you are struggling, they feel you are to simply press into God more. I certainly don't feel mercy in it personally, but then their argument is to say that they are pointing out my sin and that is mercy. I don't feel any love. But then they tell me I only feel that because I have a demon of rejection and self hatred and that I have slandered the leadership because I said I was rejected when I was not. It was all in my head. So....back to the main question...why is God endorsing this with His presence?

Hi Cholette...actually the situation is flipped. I am the person people are excluding and had two people tell me they wouldn't get into a relationship with me unless I did A,B and C. It is exactly like you say: they don't want to be around me because I'm not in the same place they are to "press into God". To me they are being judgemental. Right now even though I want help and have wanted it...I feel they haven't seen that I have or given me credit to what I have done to "press in". I also do not trust them much anymore and sure don't feel like opening my jugular vein up to them. thank you so much for your validating comments. I appreciate the other comments as well. they helped me see different perspectives.

Hi, I would really, really appreciate your input on these two questions. Is it wrong to tell someone that you will not get into a relationship with them unless they press into the Lord, get a deliverance from rejection and self hatred? Is it wrong to secretly gather with certain people upon the justification that they are pressing closer to God than others that you exclude? Justifying it on the basis that Jesus himself had the 12 disciples and even among them he only picked a few of those to come up to the mount of transformation and had his "favorite" who was "the disciple Jesus loved." (those who I am referring to picking only certain people are leaders).

Here is an update: I had emailed the leaders to ask if I could talk with them regarding the accusations of me being a slanderer. They finally emailed me back today and told me that it wasn't the definition they were concerned about but that someone told them that it was "poison to their ears" and that it was causing division in the body. I am not quite sure how that could cause division in the Body. they told me they can't tell me who it is or what they said. I think that's unfair since it's an accusation against me. The good thing is that she seems to have left the guilty verdict up to me & God...saying those words. So basically it seems they do not think it was important enough to come to me. I, however, do think it is important enough to let them know what I said to this person because so far they think and believe that I said something of "ill will about them" when I do not believe I did.

I also didn't see page 2, so I didn't know people were posting.

To Cholette, the thing about it, is that it is a church that has the presence of God in it and has a prayer furnace, has had speakers in it like James Goll, Patricia King, etc. It hurts because, you are right...they don't seem to "WANT" to work it out with me. I think they have been trying to get rid of me all this time when I look at how they kept putting me over in a corner on things...and have done the same for others. Still thinking about what to do...but I think you may have something about me trying to work it out with them to clear the air and it becoming worse.

Thank you for your advice, wisdom and prayers Lola21st & Delightful Soul. As of late I have concluded that I will probably be exiting pretty soon. But not without first talking to the leadership to determine what was exactly said that I said and who said it. Before God I want to do the right thing and will apologize for my part in anythng I have done. I am absolutely positive that they have a lot of wrong on their part and that they need much more of a revelation to their own behavior than I have need of deliverance. I also know and believe that true fellowship expressed in love which is being a friend & more than a friend should be the context in which to hold someone accountable. I do not feel they have been willing to offer that to me. I think they are blind and the Lord is graduating me out of it. I am not sure about going tomorrow or if I should just wait to talk with the leadership. But as things have gone, the leadership act like they will talk with you but then put it off. I know of a couple right now who have asked to talk with the leadership and they have waited for over a month now to talk with them. One thing the Lord is showing me is that if there isn't a Father's heart for you, there isn't an anointing to break any yoke that may be there in your life. I do not blame or want to get bitter...this is taking some work...towards the leadership because perhaps they just don't know enough of the Father's heart right now to be able to do that...or maybe they really aren't called to do that and they don't know that. I am going to have to walk in forgiveness towards a lot of the young people now who are seemingly refusing to talk with me. Thank you so much for keeping me in your prayers. I will keep you posted. Blessings..

Hi Everyone, Things have really stepped up and gotten intense here. I have been gone for a month at this church because I was out of town every sunday but one. Then on the one I didn't come to I just got back from vacation and was too tired & didn't feel up to the daunting ordeal of what I feel is rejection & other things. Now I have just had 2 communications from people that I have "slandered" the leadership. I am not the only one who feels rejected there or have been excluded from their little groups so slander is a pretty strong word here. I have just talked to someone today who feel the same and know of several others who see that spirit of exclusion that causes people not to feel welcome and feel rejected. So I may have expressed my feelings of rejection because of the secret groups, but I do not believe I have slandered anyone. I was only acting out of the hurt of being/feeling rejected but I do not believe I had any intent to slander anyone. If anything they are slandering me by saying that I am trying to slander. They told me that I need a deliverance for the spirits of rejection & self-hatred and that me saying I am rejected is not true, therefore it is slander. And one person recently emailed me trying to put the pressure on me saying basically she will not get into relationship with me without the deliverance and that she has to see proof and the fruit of my repentance. My suspicion is many others have banded together to not 'relate' to me. As I said hello to a person on Sunday and they didn't respond and I knew they were doing it on purpose but i didn't know why yet I didn't really feel they had anything against me. So, the sh** is really flying here and I'm definitely in the line of fire. I don't think they see my side of things. So at this point I am asking for prayers of protection, revelation and yes, deliverance. And also that I would walk this out right. Oh God, give me the strength to launch a love war and not defend myself but to go through that narrow path. Please give me a spirit of prayer for them.

Thank you all for your posts. They are very encouraging. I have been praying for direction and crying out for relationships...just a few that really "want" to be with me and stick with me in growing in God together. I haven't been there in a month since I've been out of town almost every Sunday. Tomorrow I am thinking of showing up there. It's so daunting to be around them. For now, I guess, I should remain there until I hear or feel the Lord drawing me somewhere else. I've wondered if I should not go anywhere and just spend time with Him til He directs me. Has anyone done this? Thank you for your prayers. I really need them.

Hi All, I'm new to this forum but I really need some support. It's a long story so I'm not sure if I can explain it all but I will try to. The church I am going to has a move of God in it. I feel His presence and I do get something every time I go. When I first started going to it though, I was ignored. They were small and they just had a Friday night service/worship meeting I would go to but they just prayed for one another much more than me and I had to wait and wait and was lucky to get prayed for or even talked to. They are a house of prayer but at the time also had a small gathering on Sundays. I had been out of the church scene for over a year because of my not feeling connected to the last church I was in except for the pastor who left and then my brother committed suicide so I just for a long time remained isolated until I got in contact with my former pastor and was able to get some support to re-enter 'society' (& church). Anyway, I didn't feel accepted for a long time. They tolerated me. Part of that may have been because one of their friends was a mentor to my son while he was in a halfway house and took advantage of my son sexually. My son was around 20 and this man was 36. My son was in the halfway-house with mental health and addiction issues. They expressed to me that they felt my son was equally responsible as the mentor but I disagreed. At first I didn't do much when this happened...I had just started going to this church but so did the 'mentor'. When it came to light it seemed like no one did anything in regards to my son and was mostly concerned with The mentor's family & marriage. I guess I got into control because I kept confronting the pastors & leaders about why they were allowing this man to be on the worship team and acting like nothing happened to my son. I maybe should have just let God do the work but it was a hard situation to be in. Especially since our track record in the church as been one of being abused by it...my son was molested by deacons kids in a church when he was young and then we were persecuted because we were angry when it came to light about all that was going on. Back to the present time. They finally asked the mentor to step down after my persistence and he left for another church. At first I was ignored, then tolerated, then somewhat accepted. It seems when I was started to get accepted and was invited into their home groups the presence of God was so thick. I felt so privileged and it felt good though I continued to feel uncomfortable around them. I always felt like for some reason I couldn't relate to them because they seemed so close to one another and because they seemed to know or be in on God more than I was. I finally found out why I felt that way. I was invited to a women's group and was told it was for new women but when I got there a lot of the ones who had been there before I was there...and I had been there for 2 years. It was never announced at church and so I felt that was sorta strange. I was upset that I had been there for so long and never invited. Then I was thankful I was in it and a little scared and felt the pressure not to tell anyone...to keep it a secret or I would be the one not allowed anymore. So I went for a while. Then they suddenly stopped the home groups and the Friday night meetings and "said" it was for everyone to take a break. But I checked on some things and confirmed it with some people and they actually just invited a "core" group to meet on Fridays...I and alot of people weren't invited. So that left me with nowhere to fellowship in. I felt angry and had a couple of times where I got emotional. For instance, I walked into intercession and this person who is on one of the core teams as usual ignored me although the others in the room said hello. during the prayer I prayed against rejection and people being stuck up. Okay that was childish and no excuse for it. But I have tried to talk with the leadership before about things and it does no good. They seem like they listen but they have not followed up much on things. Anyway, now I just feel really left out and kept out from them. they say it is my imagination or that I am "creating" the rejection. There is a "homegroup" up north from me about 30 minutes. But I live here in this city and I use to live up in that area...not good memories. I don't see why I should go all the way up there when they could have a homegroup in this city. I somewhat suspect they have one but aren't telling me. Even so there is still the Friday night one I am not allowed to. Then I talked to a lady in the church who also felt some things that were wrong and told her about the secret groups. She said it just confirmed what they were suspecting and didn't understand why they were so secretive about it. Now, though I think she has been invited to a "secret" group and hasnt told me and has gotten distant from me. The main reason I'm writing this is that I do not know what to do anymore. They seem to put it in my face that they are "together" when I go to the public main church. At the most it hurts & makes me angry, at the least it is annoying. I feel like giving up but I know the presence of God is there. I want the presence and the Love of the Father but I feel torn to go to the meetings because there is the beautiful presence of God and then the opposite is the way they are treating me. I don't know what to do anymore. Sorry for writing so much. Thanks for listening.