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Joe99

"Friend" problem

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I just really need some advice

So, I have a friend in my class that is really annoying.
We went to the same elementary school and we became good friends.
And we finally go to the same junior high scool with several other friends..
In the first semester, he still act normal like the usual,, friendly and something like that.
In my class, there are some 'popular' students and he became friends with them. I'm quite shy so I made some friend about a week after I got in.
After 4 months, students started asking me about my friend:
"Is he really desprate for some attention?", "Is he a teacher's pet?" "Is he that annoying in elemanterary school?" And several more
I also noticed that he has changes, BUT A LOT. I know that people changes, but I don't. Recognize him again.
He always do weird stuff in front of the teachers and he always desprate for attention.
He prefer hanging out with the 'popular' ones although they don't like him. Students from my elemamtery school avoid him. He makes dirty jokes or unfunny jokes all the time just to get attention.

And In the end of the second semester, almost everybody likes to ignore him and I do sometime because even I can't stand him. He is just to annoying! He also acts that way in facebook.
Everybody usually ignore him. But I think he doesn't know yet that we don't like him.
What should I do? ignore him? Don't ignore him? Or tell him the truth? The truth really hurts. Even I not brave enough to tell him the truth.
And I'm not sure that anybody want to to this.

We can't ignore him until the 9th grade.

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hmm... people indeed change... but i think that this is more of a hard adjustment than a change... he is trying to blend in and be "popular" (someone that every student secretly wants -if not a very lovely group of friends)..
if you still care you should tell him the truth but i don't know what will happen.. at the end of the day if you can't stand him anymore i don't think that you'll mind if he doesn't speak to you for this.. but i don't know... really..

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Yes I do care because he was one of my good friend. But I'm not sure about that. Maybe I will ask my friends to join me.
And one thing that I really can't stand that he want to have a "bad boy" image while he is a mama's boy.
Thanks for the advice

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A true friend will tell him what they're saying about him.Sadly the truth hurts,but he will get over it eventually.He is acting out this way ,because of his own insecurities.May I ask about his father and his role in your friend's life? IS he present and active?


You just seem in all your post, to be an upstanding young man and I respect that about you.Makes me proud really.

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Hmm... Yes that would be good. But my advice would be not to be many people saying this as it will seem more of an attack than a friend call.. And most importantly let him speak Smile you never know...

good luck i wish to you! congratulations

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This is only my person opinion sweetie, but I would rather my friend tell me the truth about what people are saying. Even though the truth can hurt someone, it's hard for us sometimes to see ourselves changing and don't notice if we start to push away those that care about us. I think it would be best if you explained it to him nicely, and helped him understand that you just want to be his friend and are concerned that they are attracting attention other than the kind the are looking for. Explain it might be best for him to calm some of his behaviors. I think in the end it might help him as I don't think anyone acts like that because they want to be ignored.

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bunnyfuzzyness wrote:
A true friend will tell him what they're saying about him.Sadly the truth hurts,but he will get over it eventually.He is acting out this way ,because of his own insecurities.May I ask about his father and his role in your friend's life? IS he present and active?


You just seem in all your post, to be an upstanding young man and I respect that about you.Makes me proud really.

myladyyawo wrote:
This is only my person opinion sweetie, but I would rather my friend tell me the truth about what people are saying. Even though the truth can hurt someone, it's hard for us sometimes to see ourselves changing and don't notice if we start to push away those that care about us. I think it would be best if you explained it to him nicely, and helped him understand that you just want to be his friend and are concerned that they are attracting attention other than the kind the are looking for. Explain it might be best for him to calm some of his behaviors. I think in the end it might help him as I don't think anyone acts like that because they want to be ignored.


Lucky Strike wrote:
Hmm... Yes that would be good. But my advice would be not to be many people saying this as it will seem more of an attack than a friend call.. And most importantly let him speak Smile you never know...

good luck i wish to you! congratulations

I'm replying to all because most of the points that I want to say are the same.
Thank you. I don't know about his family but they seem normal. I met him in the church with his family and he's fine. ANd he's really active in school and he joins the basketball team. He has some friends in other class but only a few in my class. I don't know what he want. Yes I will start making words to tell the truth because I'm not really good at making words.

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I'm a bit late, but can I make a suggestion?
I don't think it will be handled all that well if you try and tell him he's changed and people don't like his behaviour.
It'll be a case of 'shoot the messenger' and you may lose the friendship of someone you used to be close to.

I'd try and find a chance to speak together and ASK him how he thinks the new school is going and how he likes life these days. Ask him about how he's feeling, and suggest that it's a big change and you all need time to find your way and settle down - hopefully that might make him open up and think more about his behaviour and feelings and you can take it from there...the gentle approach.

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WOW what a tough situation you have....

but i think most of the advise they give to you are
correct and helpful to your situation

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WOW what a tough situation you have....

i think most of the advise they give to you are
correct and helpful to your situation

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If it were me, I'd be having a chat with him. Express your feelings. He may not realize what he's doing as well.

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I'm with most of these other folks when they tell you that if you consider yourself a good and true friend to this fella you will sit down and have a chat with him. I mean, if he's changing as a person, he may or may not listen to you, but it is worth a shot. He might not honestly realize what he's doing and if a friend points it out he might simmer down a bit. Junior high and high school are definately those years where people try different angles and personalities in ways to "find themselves" and your friend may not realize he's going about it all wrong.

Good luck sweetie Smile I've been there. I wish you the best!

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Do NOt ignore him!!!!

If he was your friend he still is and you have to help him understand that he has changed the way he behaves and you dont like that....You need to tell him about the bad jokes so he will try not to say bad jokes anymore...
good friends always say the truth and yes truth may hurts but it is better to hear from someone you respect and you have been friends for a long time than somebody else you dont know....for example if another person go to your friend and say to him that he tells bad jokes he may be mad and angry( because nobody likes to tell them what is good or not...)
but he will eventually respect him more than you...and he will appreciate it....

yesterday for example i was with some new friends i ve made from college and we were going to sit in a cafe. one guy had something on his teeth his best friend was right next to him and he could see that he had this green thing he didnt say a word and after half an hour i told him that you have something on his teeth and he thanked me for telling him...then he turned to his best friend and him "we were together for more than 1 hour couldnt you tell me that i had this thing on my teeth?"

my conclusion is that it is better if you are the one who will show to your friend where he is wrong....and try to help him "fix" or "improve" himself...

congratulations

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