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Tiddly Winks

So I did something drastic....

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Not really drastic, but it's something that I have needed to do for quite some time now. I had been in a bear making group for about five or six years. I started with it thinking that it would be fun and that I could get to know other people.

It was fun, at first. Then I started thinking that maybe it wasn't for me.

I guess it was because of too many car trips to Mainz with two ladies who basically talked about their projects and families and ignored me. I was thinking, why subject myself to this? I mean, it's not their fault that they are both long-time friends, have known each other for years, and have tons in common (families, kids etc.). I haven't anything against that, but I feel as though since I am several years younger than they are, that somehow I just don't fit in. When they would start talking to each other on these 20 KM trips like that, I remember simply sitting in the backseat feeling rather the third wheel on the bicycle and not really knowing why. It was getting depressing the more time passed.

The thing is, generally, I'm a pretty open person when it comes to chatting with folks, but with them, it just seemed like all I was doing was sitting there while they rattled with each other. Then when we got to where we were going, it felt worse because the other two people in the group are also long time friends, so they have all these discussions about their families and stuff too. I just sit there and sip my water and feel as though if I vanished in thin air, no one would notice.

So, today, I sent an Email saying that I felt this way. Well the first person to write me back was the one who was the worst about making me feel this way, and she said something to the effect 'I don't know why you feel that way, it's not the way things are at all'. Perhaps if she was looking at things from my perspective, she wouldn't be so quick to make these assertions.

At any rate, I quit the group, and while I feel badly about it, I also feel a bit free since this feeling of being an outcast had been gnawing at me for the last year or so.

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Well done you for saying how you really feel, we often just grit our teeth and carry on making ourselves upset rather than just saying how we really feel.

Sometimes people dont stop and think of others. Maybe they will take what you have said into account and think about how they treat others in future

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That is my hope. The lady who founded the group sent me a much nicer email and so I tried to clarify a few things with her. I made a point of saying that I don't blame anyone, and I harbor no anger towards them, it was just my decision. It's time for me to move on, find another group (if that is needed) and just do my thing.

I was getting tired of doing stuff because of obligation and not because I really wanted to do them.

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That was very brave!I wouldn't have the courage to do it. You should never do anything if you dont feel comfortable, maybe now you'll find a new group where you actually feel like you belong.

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I would had done it muuuuuuch sooner... I never had tolerance if i didn't liked the other people.. Still I have to say congratulations as (the way i see it) it was a big deal for you Smile

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Perhaps this will free you up for making your own bears! Now you have the skill and patterns...go wild! Get creative!

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I probably should have done it sooner, but something was telling me that maybe I was overreacting about the being ignored bit. I was seriously second guessing myself. Part of the reason was because the people are, for the most part, nice, but I didn't like how I felt in that particular group setting.

Then last night after I wrote the message, I watched Kiki's Delivery Service and realized that the message I got from that film was similar to what I had been doing and that she was lucky to discover it at 13, and here I was 40.

I told the woman who fonded the group my arguments, and shared a copy of the letter I had written with another objective friend and she said that I was very kind and not angry with what I wrote. I guess if they are mad at me for speaking my mind, then maybe it affirms my arguments.

But, the bottom line of it is I don't like sitting in the car with the two women while they are planning their outings with each other. It basically makes me want to be invisible. If they intended on doing this, then why didn't they just drop me off beforehand?

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You said that they were old.. they may be nice people but if they know each other for sooooo long (and have "older minds") they may not pay attention or just be polite, bored etc.. They don't have to be "bad" in rder to make you not feel good..

If you really want a group why don't you try to find one with a younger audience? In things like that the age aaaaaaalways counts.. Smile

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Normally it's not the age issue. Sven is involved with a group of pilots at the airport and most of the ones I can chill with are the retired people. They are some years older than me, more so than those ladies. The ladies ages range from 50-60, so they are not nearly as old as the pilots, so I don't excuse people's ages when it comes to something like etiquette. I know of other people in choir, who are older, and they wouldn't do that, either.

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hmm.. i don't know what to say.. maybe it's what they are involved with? dunno.. non the less (should this be one word?) if now you feel a lot better it was the best thing to do.. btw.. What exactly is kiki's delivery servise?

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It's a movie, an anime about a little girl witch who goes to the big city and starts a delivery service. Cute, and from the Ghibli company.

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