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Nadira

I have a severe problem...please help.

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I find myself in an intensely uncomfortable and frustrating situation where I have an obsessive infatuation with a professor at college. He's extremely intelligent, passionate and noted in his field, but a somewhat obnoxious and arrogant person.He's resented by most in out class----but I seem to harbour a soft corner for him which is gradually turning into obsession. I Google up stuff about him on the net, read up everything he's written, loiter around his office just to catch a glimpse of him, and constantly fantasize about him and myself. When in reality, he's not even close to knowing me that well. And this year----we haven't got any classes of him, and this is getting me frustrated to the point of getting edgy. I know that this could be dangerous and lead to nowhere, but I can't stop this intense, oppressive feeling of wanting to throw myself at him. I keep dreaming up things to ask him or ways to just "bump" into him. I am even planning to take up his paper in next year, although I know that it doesn't interest me.

I feel, on the whole, disturbed and dejected. I even feel that I'm developing stalkerish tendencies. Please suggest me how to tackle this. I'm starting to hate myself for this even.

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Hmmm,...Wow! I say it's a good thing you actually realize you're obsessing over someone!! if you can accept that, you can surely overcome it, as well.
after reading all that...I really don't think it'll be by any means ''easy'' to stop...but you need to have a strong will...and really ''try'' ...
it may just be a silly little infatuation that dies over time? if not umm and it bothers you just try to ask yourself why you want him?? and really..in the end....will you get anything out of it? except for maybe pain and humiliation??? you deserve better, everyone does...something ''real''...
maybe you have too much free time on your hands...hmm try distracting yourself...and keeping busy...especially with other people!! try to make some good friends or so...that is one thing that may help Smile i can tell it helps me to forget sad stuff or people in my life!!

I really have no experience and can't relate to you in any way...but you seem really troubled and I don't like seeing that...hmmm honestly???

You have to ''help'' yourself...if you can't, nobody else will be able to help you. Ask yourself why you want this to stop...just think about this situation, really...he's not going to be yours, not if he's worth having... most likely. respect your relationship, but first...respect yourself. i don't think you do...as you seem to be acting out of desperation. and have some self-confidence! i'm sure you're a wonderful person as you can see the good qualities in somebody else... so realize it. and hopefully you'll find someone deserving of you..and this would just be a passing phase of your life.

you need to be strong! like i said...nobody can help you, if you don't try yourself. and don't talk about your obsession to your friends in real life, in case, they are not really going to help you, or just fuel it, and make things worse for you!! stop it while you still can! you'll only be hurt in the end.

take care, sorry if i wrote something to offend...just wanted to help...don't know if i did it, but hope you really can overcome this...

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Even if he started returning your ''affections'' really...can you see yourself TRULY respecting him? and all this admiration of him...really you will lose it, in the end. why not maintain it? and respect him for who he is. maybe he has some qualities which are your ''ideal'' doesn't mean you have to ''jump him'' or so...
accept it. you don't want to get into this...be strong...

if he's a nice guy, and you go and tell him all this, prolly he'll start avoiding you or something...or discourage your advancements, lol, look...

you really need to have some self-respect
i hope i wasn't ''mean'' anywhere...
i really want you to see it Smile anyways, good luck, you sound like you can be a sensible person, so i hope you find the strength to get over this. for really, it is not healthy or OKAY as you yourself seem to realize it Smile

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Hello Salwa, and thanks for the warm words.......I know what you mean. I've been doing EXACTLY what you say---trying to squeeze out all thoughts of him by engaging in other activities. When I'm engaged in other work, I don't get these thoughts that much, but in college, the feeling seizes me, sort of. I cannot help keeping an eye an out for him, or googlign him whenever I have free time. I always stop to stand and stare at him in the campus, and many a times I get the urge to follow him. Yeahh...sounds creepy. LOL.

Laughter apart, I know I wouldn't act knowingly on any of impulses, nor do I expect him to really "return" the feelings or whatever. But the main question is-----why do I feel this way? And especially for smeone who isn't even a "nice" guy. Gettit?

And thanks a LOT for replying. Smile

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Ah, no problem. Just tried to help! Smile

Well, you can't always know why you feel the way you do! Matters of the heart are strange that way, lol, I can't do a scientific experiment...picking up bits and pieces to figure out the ''why''s Smile I've sometimes asked myself the same thing! God knows what strikes us about someone, it may be one thing or many little things, the known or unknown...you can't always help how you feel...but you can help how you ''act'' Smile Maybe it's a test of some sorts, just hang in there. Keep busy like you do Smile More so! And hopefully it will die out soon, especially when you find the ''right'' one for ya! Smile xx

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Ok.. this is a serious problem!
First of all just like Salwa said I think it's good that you understand what are you doing and that is not right and you wanna fix it.
you're doing and thinking about creepy things! I mean it's truly not normal...
i think the first thing you should do is should act normally around him. Believe me, if you're going to follow him aroundand still be doing "your thing" futher I think there will be a time he'll find out and I don't think you want that?
secondly I think you should go and see psychologist. No ones gonna help you like he/she will. They'll know the problem and they'll help to solve it.
moreover i think you should get a boyfriend... that should help to turn your minds away from your professor. and finally I think you should tell about that to your bff. she/he knows you the best and will try to help you, believe me!
Good luck, my support is with you!

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hi Anaida...sounds like you've got a very serious case of the school girl crush x10!!!

just curious, how old is this professor?

and...
do you think you want to be with someone that is obnoxious and arrogant? is that the type of person you deserve?

most likely you will answer "no, you don't". just remember that you are valuable and should be cherished and respected. you deserve someone that will recognize you as such.

as for what to do...hmmm...you should hang around your friends more and tell your close friends how you are feeling. then they can help you be accountable for your actions. you have to tell them though exactly what you need from them. for example: tell them, "don't let me google him anymore". that way, they can help you!!!

i wish you the best of luck. please keep us posted. we're here for you too!

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Hello smorkle...I'm awfully sorry for the delay, my Internet had gone kaput, actually. Thanks you and Agne for replying, it's much more appreciated than you could imagine.

Yup, I'm battling this daily almost, and I'm constantly trying to divert my thoughts, but then again yesterday, I saw him and couldn't help hanging around his office like a fool. You're right, it's foolish and pointless. Btw, I cannot tell my friends anything; this particular guy is MUCH despised in our class for his partial grading; in fact, we had submitted long list of written complaints against him in our previous semester and that had snowballed into a nasty thing. Everyone is relieved that he's no longer in our class, so my saying anything of the sort would mean that I'm trying to....you know....prepare to suck up or something.


PS: He's 40 year old.

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