Self-esteem

[Chiaretta 0]

i'll be the first posting something to Agony aunt! and i'll do that because it's a problem i had more when i was younger, but nowadays is really making me a little depressed

i'm talking about self-esteem: i've always had problems to accept myself, especially when i was a teenager. first of all because i'm quite short, but this is something is not bothering me now. and then because of my weight.... i see everyday skinny girls everywhere and i'm not talking about sick people, but just THIN girls.... i'm not overweight, but neither really thin, and since i'm not really tall this gives me some problems about "accepting" myself!

they say i'm quite pretty, but i can't see me like this.... more than this i have a boyfriend who loves me but he's not really good with words and so he doesn't tell me any praises, and this isn't helpful for me

i've talked about this because it's something on my mind in these days, i hope it's not off topic XD
and sorry for my english

[Agony Aunt 0]

Hello Chiaretta

Low self esteem is a lot more common than you think. This is totally different to lack of confidence.

When you suffer with low self esteem you start to beieve you are not good enough no matter how many peole tell you this is not true.
The only way you can get over this is to teach yourself to think differently.

One way of doing this is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. This teaches you to change the way you think and how you deal with these thoughts.
It is very effective. Could you talk to your doctor and see if this would be suitable for you? or even read up on it on line and see if there are any techniques you could try at home

Talk to your friends and family. Tell them exactly how you are feeling, why you are feeling that way, and what they could do to help. Maybe find a self help group, it is always easier to talk to people who understand exactly what you are going through.

This is a good website Building self esteem it will give you many good tips.

Try joining an online forum for people with low self esteem/ anxiety This is just one of many just talking to people who have come through the other side can be a huge help

I hope this has been some help to you, and I'm sure you will get many more opinions here now

Best wishes
Agony Aunt xx

[kasijab 0]

Chiaretta you English is excellent ..which should boost your self esteem straight away. You come accross as an extremely confidant person, maybe you just need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel ..that you love him and you need to know he loves you ...you are not alone ...lots of men find it difficult or even unnecessary to tell you their feelings all the time.
As you say , you really need to accept yourself and I am sure from personal experience that people are not judging you all the time ...its just how you feel.
Chin up sweetie ...we are always here if you feel the need to talk.

[lea75 0]

Hey sweetie

I can uderstand and sympathise 100% with you .
I suffer with Depression and anxiety, and low self esteem is a big part of this.
This is partly due to my past any partly due to my skin (I have Psoriasis so feel everyone is always talking about me)
It can escalate to point where you dont see a way out of it, so you need to do something to stop it now.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is excellent..it teaches you how to take a negative thought and turn it into a positive. It really can work!!.
You need to spend time for you...if your issue is with the way you look, then spend time for you....long soak in the bath, wearing nice clothes, get your hair done, anything to make you feel good about yourself

Just getting to know you through the group, I have had the chance to see what a wonderful, caring person you are..now you have to start beliving in yourself

As Kasi said, men are not very good at showing their emotion, but that doesnt mean he doesnt love you and isnt proud to be with you, he wouldnt be with you otherwise!

Whether you are a size 6 or a size 26 you are still the same person underneath and that is the person who matters...please start believing that!

I hope you can get some help hun, and start believing in yourself, so you can see the wonderful person everyone else sees when looking at you

Huge hugs to you xxxxxxx

[tweets 0]

i tottaly understand how you feel..

2 years ago, i got hypertireosis
i cried all day.
because of my sickness, my eyes were big (i don't know how to explain it, they were googly )
noone wanted to be my friend anymore, eaven though i had lots of friends before (i just started 5th grade then so can you imagine how hard it was for me?)

i hated my hair, because it's curly, and i like straight, i hated my body (i was really thin, and i ate like a hungry wolf), i started wearing glasses (that were huge O.O), and braces....

i went to rehabilitation for 3 months on a beautiful mountain, and things started going better...

the doctor said i don't need therapy anymore....
my friends started liking me again, i started liking my curly hair, i'm back to my normal weight, i still wear braces, but i started wearing contacts, and the most important thing, i stopped hating myself....

be happy you don't have a illness that would ruin your life
be happy you're yourself....

it does sound cheesy, but it's true...

[Chiaretta 0]

thank u everybody, you're really supportive!

in fact, i don't have any illness or serious problem and that makes me feel blessed and lucky, but also more "stupid" for complaining about my body.
anyway i can't help it, and especiallly in this period i'm really sad.

i'll get informed about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and i'll look up to the websiites you adviced me! hope this bad period will slip by soon!

[lea75 0]

I hope it does as well hun....just remember you have a lot of peole who care about you , and that includes us....we'll keep this thread open, so when thing start to get on top of you, you can write everything down...sometimes that helps xxx

[Chiaretta 0]

thank u.

that's really important for me.... actually, this is the first time i talk about it with someone!

[Pouncer 0]

Chiaretta, make a list of things that you like about yourself and the things you do well.
1. You express yourself well in a language which is not your own
2. You are willing to try new ideas
3. You have a positive mental attitude to changing your feelings
4. As for being short, WEEDS GROW TALL

You have a boyfriend who loves you. This shows that you are lovable and he likes what he sees of you, not just on the outside, but on the inside, too, which is more important. Once you see yourself as others see you, you will do fine.

[Chiaretta 0]

Pouncer wrote:

Chiaretta, make a list of things that you like about yourself and the things you do well.
1. You express yourself well in a language which is not your own
2. You are willing to try new ideas
3. You have a positive mental attitude to changing your feelings
4. As for being short, WEEDS GROW TALL

You have a boyfriend who loves you. This shows that you are lovable and he likes what he sees of you, not just on the outside, but on the inside, too, which is more important. Once you see yourself as others see you, you will do fine.

awww, thank you! this was really nice! thanks!

[Sanakan 0]

Hi Chiaretta,

I hope you will feel better after what I have to say about your self-esteem problem.

First of all, I'm not trying to degrade you or anyone for that matter....but, being quite tall AND thin myself, I also find that I have low self-esteem because of it.

Being tall and thin isn't all that it's cracked up to be, in fact, it brings in a whole new set of problems:
1. There's the health problem, which resulted in a lot of sickness and medical fees.
2. Being branded an anorexic (btw, I'm not THAT thin...)
3. Hitting my head...(seriously, I have a problem of being a klutz and after bumping my head all these years...I think I became stupid because of it...XD)
4. etc...

Also, even though I'm like this....I'm not those drop-dead gorgeous girls in magazines. I mean, you even have a boyfriend for heaven's sake!!XD Which I'm jealous of btw~~

Hope my little ranting cheers you up~

[Chiaretta 0]

ahahha, yep, Sanakan, you made me smile!
i know that to be short it's not that big problem, and above all i don't live in a country of very tall people (lol), but it's all little things put together that make me feel like this....

[myladyyawo 0]

Hun, my advice is similar to Sanakan's.

I'm not tall by any means, I'm 5'3, I weigh under 100 pounds, and I would give anything to gain a little bit of weight. Being shorter in stature, and my weight I find it impossible to buy new clothes that fit (filling out dresses and tops is extremely difficult), I get judged a lot (people say I look to thin, anorexic, or I must be using drugs). I would love to have curves! Even my family sometimes makes comments saying I need to eat more and such (believe me I eat plenty to try and gain weight and stay healthy for my kids). Gaining weight for me is the same as loosing it is for most people.

I think you sound beautiful on the outside, and you are definitely beautiful on the inside and that will always shine through It's important to love yourself for who you are and what god blessed you with hun! Don't worry about magazines, what models look like (no one likes to see all your bones) Some of the most beautiful actresses aren't "thin" (as by today's standards anyway).

Sorry I kind of went on a tangent there, I hope with the way I worded things you don't miss my point or my intentions for posting hun! Feel good about yourself, you deserve to!!

[myladyyawo 0]

Just remembered we are friends on facebook lol Hun you are so beautiful!! Don't tell yourself different!

[Chiaretta 0]

thank you myladyyawo!

[Sanakan 0]

Chiaretta wrote:

ahahha, yep, Sanakan, you made me smile!
i know that to be short it's not that big problem, and above all i don't live in a country of very tall people (lol), but it's all little things put together that make me feel like this....

Your welcome~
Yeah, I know how you feel...little things will always lead to bigger problems...doesn't it?? :winked:

[Chiaretta 0]

absolutely! sometimes i think about it and i tell myself "don't be stupid, that's not important at all", but sometimes they seem to me like huge problems i can't pass through!

[lithiumkat 0]

I can certianly relate to all in this topic. I've also suffered low self esteem most of my life. And was made fun of quite a bit all throughout school (except college) for being weird and being "a freak." It finally made me feel not good enough after enough time of hearing it. I'm fighting hard not to slip back into it lately...I've gained a lot of weight back, which was always what made me feel so badly about myself and my looks. It's been starting to get to me lately and have decided to get on top of some eating better and healthier and some activity and excercise!

Before when I lost a significant amount of weight I finally felt pretty, and happy and slowly...more self confident. Now I feel like all of that has gone down the tubes right with my healthy slimmer body. So I'm trying to do something about it...but sometimes it's hard to not give in to the self-esteem trap and convince yourself you aren't good enough, and really you have been all along it's only seeing it that's the real problem.

[iJess 0]

Yeah I know how you feel, I alway's got bullied and stuff and I've been seeing a psychologist to try and boost my self-esteem it help's though (:

[lea75 0]

Therapy has a lot of stigma attached to it, but if you are under the right specialist who know they are on about then it really can work.

You just have to trust them...and be patient, you might not notice a result immediately, but it can work ....

Stay strong, and keep talking, the worse thing you can do is bottle things up.

xx

[Chiaretta 0]

In my university there is a free psycholgist service.... I'd like to' try it once...

[Pouncer 0]

Do go, you might get some good ideas

[Guest Guest]

Im short too! But we have advantages! We stay dry the longest in the rain, no matter our weight people still think we are little and cute. (hee hee). Ok so I am being silly but hoping it at least gives you a smile. I have some of the same feeling lately and just want you to know you arent alone. Body issues are something a lot of woman suffer through.I agree with the others! YOu sound intelligent and open. That is something to be proud of . So basically there really isnt any advice I could add that hasnt been already given. But I am sending you a big ((HUG)))!

[Chiaretta 0]

thank you so much!
your post is so nice!! you really made me smile

[Tiddly Winks 0]

There's a saying in English, 'Dynamite comes in small packages'. Some of my best friends are shorter than me, and to be honest sometimes I feel like I'm too tall. It's true, I do, I am 173cm tall, and most of my friends are at least 10, if not more, centimeters shorter than me.

Then I met this lady in a class who said, 'you are tall, be it, and be proud'. It gave a whole new meaning to me and I started standing up straighter and smiling more. I realized that I am what I am and can't change that. The same holds true for you. You are who you are; and what I see here is a smart and dynamic individual.

Your English is excellent and I wouldn't worry about that at all.

One of the things I would do is look in a mirror. It sounds stupid, but I read a book somewhere where they said that if one looks in a mirror for two minutes, then by the end of that two minutes, the person would be smiling. I actually tried it, and I was grinning like a cheshire cat by the end of those two minutes. It's just a thought, but I'd give it a try, just to see if it works for you.

But, if you are depressed, then do go speak with someone about how you are feeling.