"Problem children" What God's word says on how to deal with them

[daphanie02 0]

I have five children and sometimes I find myself having a difficult time dealing with particular ones over others. NOT that I'm saying I'm showing favoritism..it's just that on specific days I have to ask the Lord to help me love these certain children more because they know just the right way to make life a living you know what!!! It seems no matter how much of myself I give, they just take..no matter what I do, they still aren't happy. No matter how many times I give warnings, they don't listen.. Well today I hit rock bottom and I was lying in bed. And I prayed to the Lord. I said "Lord, I'm to the point where I just want to give up being a mom." (even though I knew giving up wasn't an option, I still had been run down by the enemy so hard and was that discouraged)
So i fell asleep..I was dreaming I was reading scripture in the new testament. The word was from the Lord, it was correcting me, but it was edifying. I looked to see what chapter number it was, it was Chapter 17. When I looked to see what book it was, I woke up. So When I woke up I asked the Lord what book to look in. He said "Luke"

Here's what the Lord showed me:

Luke 17~ Good parenting

1. Distractions will come. The devil has a host of things he throws at us to keep us distracted from spending quality time with our kids the way we know we should.

AND [Jesus] said to His disciples, Temptations (snares, traps set to entice to sin) are sure to come, but woe to him by or through whom they come!

2. In your anger, and frustration do not sin. (Do not exasperate them) Children follow by example..remember also that their guardian angels are always in Heaven and see the face of the Father.

It would be more profitable for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were hurled into the sea than that he should cause to sin or be a snare to one of these little ones [[a]lowly in rank or influence].

3. Give them unconditional love, this kind of Love is agape love, the kind that has plenty of patience!!! (1 Corinthians 13)

Pay attention and always be on your guard [looking out for one another]. If your brother sins (misses the mark), solemnly tell him so and reprove him, and if he repents (feels sorry for having sinned), forgive him.

And even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and turns to you seven times and says, I repent [I am sorry], you must forgive him (give up resentment and consider the offense as recalled and annulled).

4. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!! The Lord has given us a measure of faith..We should be encouraged by that and exercise it, no matter how bleak our situation with our children our. Plus, our kids are watching us walk in faith every day!

The apostles said to the Lord, Increase our faith (that trust and confidence that spring from our belief in God).

And the Lord answered, If you had faith (trust and confidence in God) even [so small] like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, Be pulled up by the roots, and be planted in the sea, and it would obey you.

5. Lots of people can give birth to children.. But not all are faithful. It is our joy and duty unto the Lord, and to our children to be GOOD, faithful parents.

Will any man of you who has a servant plowing or tending sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, Come at once and take your place at the table?

Will he not instead tell him, Get my supper ready and gird yourself and serve me while I eat and drink; then afterward you yourself shall eat and drink?

Is he grateful and does he praise the servant because he did what he was ordered to do?

Even so on your part, when you have done everything that was assigned and commanded you, say, We are unworthy servants [possessing no merit, for we have not gone beyond our obligation]; we have [merely] done what was our duty to do.

[Daisy 0]

This is SUCH an encouraging word to me Laura! Thank you, and God bless you!!! Our loving father takes such priority in having a relationship with us...so much so that He gave his one and only Son so that we could have this with him. His priority is to have a love relationship with us above all else. He places such high regard on 'relationship'~nothing else is more important to him than having that with us. I SO agree with ALL of your comments...especially on how distractions will come that will take us away from having quality time with our children, in my home this breads rebellion when they lack this important thing from me. Then I start dealing with the 'sin' instead of what started it in the first place (kids just trying to get my attention). I am so guilty of giving in to the 'distractions'! As I keep this focus that our Father has, that nothing else is of more priority than our relationships within our home (of course God is #1). Our relationships should be priority! These are our most important things to steward over. When my focus is in the right place, everyone else is SO much happier...and I'm less exhausted (from the sin/negative attention cycle)!

[Daisy 0]

I must say...you are a saint for raising 5 kids!! How do you do it all??? I only have two, and boy can they wipe me out!!! What are the ages of you kiddos?? Mine are 3 and 8

[daphanie02 0]

Two of my kids are step, ages 11 and 9. Then I have two boys from my previous marriage ages 7 and 5. Then my hubby and I have one together, He will be 2 on Christmas!! I have to tell you it was a battle Sunday before I posted this. My two boys (from the previous marriage) were diagnosed with autism. My 5 year old has the heart condition (don't know if I've told you about him before?) anyway he's had 3 open heart surgeries and another minor heart surgery...good grief I've got a list of things I could write on his medical history! He's the one that I was having such a difficult time with...I might ought to take this to the Christian counceling section.. But he doesn't speak. So he came down with this terrible double ear infection which was also making his jaw/teeth hurt! We had no idea anything was wrong because he had no fever...so we assumed it was the autism. We prayed over him and I remember praying for his ears..but I didn't know why I had had this vision of his ears and I prayed for them...then I kept on assuming it was the autism that was driving him coo coo! So I was feeling pretty sorry when my husband took him to the ER and he had a double ear infection! So the only way he communicates is through screaming and harming himself. (It's from the frustration of not being able to communicate) So he was slapping himself in the face repeatedly, biting himself, and punching his own head. I tried stopping him, but he fought me and ended up punching me in the eye and using his head as a sledgehammer against my chest. I just didn't know what to do but to let him hash it out himself. I put him in his room and lie on my bed asking the Lord for help. I just get so far to the bottom when he acts out like that I feel helpless as a mother to do anything for him, its like nothing I do is any good. The school says it takes two of them to hold him down when he does that and they ask me what I do at home. They say "How do you do it?" It's so sad, I can feel his frustration from not being able to communicate. I really get turned off to the "if you're not healed its cause you don't have faith" message because I got burned big time in the past about his heart. I told the drs and nurses and whole family that he was going to come out of me with a perfect heart. (I had recieved a prophetic "word" that he would be born healthy) I didn't believe the drs when they told me when he was born that he would still need heart surgery. I didn't believe the drs because I believed God so much! The devil tried to use it to steal my faith, but I knew better. I told the Lord that I knew better and that I was going to need Him to help me through this. Finally one day I asked the Lord "why?" And His answer was so that I would learn to depend on Him. I think there is more to it, but it's been a HUGE battle to use my faith for his healing anymore because of that. I had actually been praying that night for the Lord to heal his mind and his heart when HE SHOWED ME HIS EARS!!! I had no clue something was wrong with them, I just knew he was acting looney! Poor babe, he's much better though now! Those heart surgeries were a battle for sure, but this autism is just a different type of mountian the Lord is gonna have to help me climb! I cant make it over without Him!

[Daisy 0]

daphanie02 wrote:

Two of my kids are step, ages 11 and 9. Then I have two boys from my previous marriage ages 7 and 5. Then my hubby and I have one together, He will be 2 on Christmas!! I have to tell you it was a battle Sunday before I posted this. My two boys (from the previous marriage) were diagnosed with autism. My 5 year old has the heart condition (don't know if I've told you about him before?) anyway he's had 3 open heart surgeries and another minor heart surgery...good grief I've got a list of things I could write on his medical history! He's the one that I was having such a difficult time with...I might ought to take this to the Christian counceling section.. But he doesn't speak. So he came down with this terrible double ear infection which was also making his jaw/teeth hurt! We had no idea anything was wrong because he had no fever...so we assumed it was the autism. We prayed over him and I remember praying for his ears..but I didn't know why I had had this vision of his ears and I prayed for them...then I kept on assuming it was the autism that was driving him coo coo! So I was feeling pretty sorry when my husband took him to the ER and he had a double ear infection! So the only way he communicates is through screaming and harming himself. (It's from the frustration of not being able to communicate) So he was slapping himself in the face repeatedly, biting himself, and punching his own head. I tried stopping him, but he fought me and ended up punching me in the eye and using his head as a sledgehammer against my chest. I just didn't know what to do but to let him hash it out himself. I put him in his room and lie on my bed asking the Lord for help. I just get so far to the bottom when he acts out like that I feel helpless as a mother to do anything for him, its like nothing I do is any good. The school says it takes two of them to hold him down when he does that and they ask me what I do at home. They say "How do you do it?" It's so sad, I can feel his frustration from not being able to communicate. I really get turned off to the "if you're not healed its cause you don't have faith" message because I got burned big time in the past about his heart. I told the drs and nurses and whole family that he was going to come out of me with a perfect heart. (I had recieved a prophetic "word" that he would be born healthy) I didn't believe the drs when they told me when he was born that he would still need heart surgery. I didn't believe the drs because I believed God so much! The devil tried to use it to steal my faith, but I knew better. I told the Lord that I knew better and that I was going to need Him to help me through this. Finally one day I asked the Lord "why?" And His answer was so that I would learn to depend on Him. I think there is more to it, but it's been a HUGE battle to use my faith for his healing anymore because of that. I had actually been praying that night for the Lord to heal his mind and his heart when HE SHOWED ME HIS EARS!!! I had no clue something was wrong with them, I just knew he was acting looney! Poor babe, he's much better though now! Those heart surgeries were a battle for sure, but this autism is just a different type of mountian the Lord is gonna have to help me climb! I cant make it over without Him!

What an awesome christmas present~to have your son on Christmas!! Very cool! I knew that you had one child with autism, but I didn't know that you had two! I knew you were a strong woman, but I had no idea the things you have been through! Wow! 3 heart surgeries, health issues, autism 2x...Im sure this is just scratching the surface! I admire you, what a beautiful woman of God you are...such an example to so many of us! I can tell you are such a wonderful mama! As a mom myself, when you were explaining about your son acting out of control and banging his head into your chest out of frustration b/c he has a hard time communicating to you made me just want to literally break down in tears! I can only imagine how stressful this must have been for you. I am so sorry. Thankfully God can give you visions, to help with this process! Can you imagine, how do other moms do it without God or His power helping in a situation like this?? Just like you said, you couldn't make it over this mountain without Him.

My son had very delayed speech, and we didn't have health insurance..he also had issues with SO many ear infections. I hated not knowing if something was bothering him or not, trying to guess. So we would take him to the dr and pay 100$ for him to tell me his ears were clear....ugh! Sometimes he would get fevers, but sometimes he wouldn't. I couldn't make sense of it. We didn't have the funds to continue this expensive process! Every dr visit would end up taking away from our grocery fund, on our already strained budget. I wanted to scream! I did end up finding a half way decent otoscope on amazon for like 20$. I know Im not a dr...but at least for peace of mind I could see if the ear was red or not, since he couldn't tell me. Within one incident buying the otoscope, it MORE than paid for itself, saving me 80 bucks. Its so frustrating! I know my situation is probably nothing close to what you deal with on a daily basis, but I can relate a tiny bit.

I can understand with all the heart surgeries, how hard that must have been with your faith being so strong, and then it seemed as if God didn't come through. I do believe though, that going THROUGH the storm takes even MORE faith, than it does to receive the complete healing. Along the way, we see how truly faithful he can be in the midst of all the trouble~and we know He is right there with us through it all.

Do you find yourself being overly protective at all, because of all the different traumatic things that you have had to face with your kids?? My little guy broke his femur when he was 18months, and BOY that little incident, really turned me into a helicopter mom, hovering over my children to keep them from injury! I'm working on letting go a bit. When he was born he had blood in his stool too, they were afraid it was cancer! We had all kinds of tests ran on him and thousands of dollars later come to find, he was allergic to milk! I was a nanny for almost 17 years, and no amount of working at a day care or no amount of time spent as a nannying could prepare me for the stresses of being a mommy! I really thought I knew it all, let me tell you..I have been humbled to say the least...

I really truly admire you! I will be praying for you and your family continually! Your children are SO BLESSED to have such a wonderful, strong, and loving mom like you!!!

[daphanie02 0]

Thank you so much Daisy!!!!!! I have no idea how I missed this response! I get so focused on the things that I'm NOT doing and I forget about the rest, so I really really appreciate what you've said!

You know, when I went through all that with Devin's heart surgeries I really didn't know much at all about dreams. I knew I had been given a gift, but had NO idea what was going on. I had SO very many dreams during that time of stress and I know it was the Lord speaking to me and comforting me every step of the way. It seems like He used that situation for so many different reasons to make me stronger in my walk with Him. That was also a time that I learned to pay closer attention to the dreams He was giving me. It seems during stressful times like those in my life that He gives me the most dreams and words of comfort in my sleep.

Yes, I really am a protective mother!! Much more so now than ever! Being in the hospital really taught me how to speak up and battle for my child's sake. Today the school nurse called me about my oldest son and told me that his clothes were soaking wet and he wouldn't cooperate in class unless he had dry clothes on. I told her "huh, that's strange, I didn't notice him having wet clothes before he got on the bus" She said "Really? How could you not notice? He's soaked with water all over!" Now I have no idea how he got wet..but when she said that, it just really irked me lol and I really was prepared to go to the school and let her know that I wouldn't have intentionally sent him to school wet. It's those types of things that I really battle with the most because I was so used to speaking my mind to the drs and nurses. If I didn't, Devin wouldn't get the treatment he deserved, but before that, I had been too timid.

[Daisy 0]

Before having kids I was exactly that way...too timid to confront things. Isn't it so funny how God works...here all along I couldn't wait to become a mom so I could teach my kids things...but God knew that my kids were going to also be teaching ME SO MUCH!!! I have had to confront many things for the sake of my kids, God has used them to make me so much stronger...

p.s. Ugh! I would have been a bit irked by the nurse too...what a rude way to ask for fresh clothes...sometimes people have no clue how to communicate to others nicely!

[hind'sfeet 1]

Daph and Daisy, wow, you guys are some Strong Momma's!!!
Daph, about your son's wet clothes, I got a few calls from my son's teachers and after school program leaders on several occasions. They all told me to bring in dry clothes because my son had been playing in the water at the sink! I thought it was hilarious, but they didn't. I know my son went to school everyday with dry clothes on too. Maybe your son enjoyed the sink or water fountain too much that day?

[Virtuous 0]

I do believe though, that going THROUGH the storm takes even MORE faith, than it does to receive the complete healing.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shan 1]

Hi Laura,

This may be a ridiculous question, but is anyone teaching your son with Autism sign language? I work with kids with Downs and Autism and I have to sometimes teach them sign language to communicate. Some are able to learn and respond and some aren't. I know this was posted a while ago, but I was just looking around this site and read your post. What you felt is sooo normal! I hear this from parents all the time!

Shannon