I'm almost done with God and his crap! I'm sick of waiting!

[Jasmine 0]

I am so angry at God. I don't care if I don't have a right or even a reason. My feelings are valid and I don't give a crap about your opinion on how I should be feeling. I want/need my healing and I refuse to accept "My grace is sufficient." I have been dealing with a bad season in my life for years. YEARS! I almost done with God! If he doesn't do a miracle, if he doesn't show me something supernatural, if nothing happens, I'm becoming a freaking God-hater. I won't be an atheist cause I will still believe he exists. I know what he has done on the cross for me, I know he saved me from killing myself before, but what about right now! He may have kept me alive for one more day, he may have given me clothes to wear and food to eat, and all that wonderful crap! BUT THAT IS NOT ENOUGH, Why can't anyone, especially God understand?!?!?! I'm grateful but, I WANT MORE!!!!!. I'm sick of waiting for him to turn his face to me. If he doesn't save me, if he doesn't restore me, if he doesn't heal me, it's over between us. My decision is final and I'm not letting anyone change my mind. I had to learn the hard way that God is very selective on who he shines his face on.

[astra 0]

Dear Jasmine,
I take this post as a desperate cry for help. I've been there myself (not angry at God, but totally stuck not knowhing how to get healed). I've decided that I am going to dig for truth untill I find it no matter how long it takes me. It's amazing how many years I was listening to preachings and teachings about healing, did the best I could but nothing seemed to help. And yes, I too felt desperate, angry, full of fears, confused and totally stuck.

So I dropped all that "healig"' thing and started to learn about God. And that's when I was in total awe. In total awe before God that I just started to get to know PERSONALLY and for real, but also in total awe of amount of junk we are being "fed" regarding who God is, how healing "works" etc.

Once I started to see this, I started to come out of this thick jungle of religious teachings and I started seeing the results. I started to see healings happen as easy as I breathe. Totally effortlessly. I started to be able to discern where I was trying to exert my own power in order to get healed and where I did let go and let God's Spirit work. And believe me there is such a thin line between the two that without the guidance of the Holy Spirit it is nearly impossible for us to see when we cross it.

This change did not happen overnight. I had so much religious junk in me that I had to feed myself with God's Truth daily for hours for quite a while untill this "smoke" sarted to thin out in my mind :-) But I enjoyed every single moment of this!

I would love to share what I know with you but it's impossible to do in one post, even in 10 posts. It all depends on how much of wrong teachings we have picked up already and how willing we are to completely open up our hearts and minds to God to remove the lies and put His Truth in us.

If you want we can talk through pm's. I'd love to share, but me sharing with you will not be enough unless you are willing to do your own work of seeking and receiving.

However what I would love to say now is people WASTE TIME waiting on God to heal them. If you are doing this, if you, Jasime, are waiting on God to heal you, I am telling you, STOP! God has already done it. I am not kidding.

You might wonder "Where is it then?" Well, there is step 2. And that's where we stumble - it's receiving. That part is ours. And that's where all the confusion happens. People don't know exactly how to receive and when they don't see what they want they automatically assume God's stalling the healing.

You know, I forgot when I prayed for my healing last time. I know I don't need to. He said in His Word that by Jesus' stripes I WAS healed, so all I need to do is accept it no matter how my body feels and it simply happens. Sounds easy, BUT there is so much junk beliefs in our minds that untill they are removed, we have difficulties to believe :-( This is very sad but true.

There is, of course, more to it than that. Like I mentioned above it's not only the religious junk that blocks the way, but also our willingness to open ourselves up to God (I call Him DADDY) that is of most importance.. In most cases what I knew about Him and healing and many other things were exactly the opposite of the truth, but did seem very right and very biblical.

This is what is on my heart for a long time regarding the most important thing (WAAAAAAY more important than healing!):

If a person is seeking God to receive healing, they will quit after a while if they don’t succeed quickly enough and will get themselves healed with pills and latest medical finds. If a person is seeking to hear God to get rich and they don’t succeed in finding Him quickly, they would give up and seek prosperity through the world. If a person is seeking God in order to feel better and they don’t find Him fast enough, they would quit and reserve to drugs, alcohol, fun or other worldly means of numbing their pain and getting their emotional fixes.
And the only ones who are seeking God for GOD HIMSELF will stick till they do find Him no matter how long it will take them. No matter how much they would have to lay down and abandon on their way to Him, They will count it all JOY to forsake what they cherished before if it ways them down on their way to God because all they want is ahead of them. And they run to Him no matter how many times they fall down, no matter how much time it takes to get there. They don’t count days they spent in their journey, they don’t count their bruises, their losses. They count seconds till the moment they FIND HIM!

I know your heart is soft towards your Daddy, Jasmine! Don't let anything at all start hardening it! None of it is worthy losing closeness with Him!
Hugs!!!

[Jasmine 0]

I was searching God for HIMSELF. I got a little of track for a week. I was expecting Pentecost service to be a pivotal day in my life. But whole day I was asking for healing and for the outpouring of his spirit on me. Five spirit-filled people pray for me, all telling me what I already know. But since nothing happened, I'm keeping up with my promise. God wouldn't turn his face to me. I'm turning my back on him. If he wants me. he's gotta walk through my bedroom door, or some equivalent. I know God loves me, I know God wants me as his, I know he wants his best for me, but he also let suffering be part of my life. I know there's a plan for my pain, but if God lets me suffer at the gain of other people, why stay? I have always felt pain. I'm used to feeling pain. I want to feel something different for a season, and I know that's not too much to ask. If was focused on God and nothing else, not even my healing, the outcome would've been the same. I'm done.

[astra 0]

Well, it's good to have conversations because the truth comes out eventually :-)
You said God lets you suffer to benefit other people. May I ask you where you got this idea? Who told you this? I hope it did not come from that same church where spirit filled believers laid hands on you.
First of all this is absolutely NOT TRUE! This is a lie from hell. God does not make or let some people suffer to benefit others. I can't even conceive how anyone can believe this about God.
And if there are more of such misconceptions about God in your heart no wonder you feel the way you do. These absolutely crooked, distorted and absolutely untrue statements and God is NOT like this at all.
Having said that I must mention that unfortunately too many churches paint Him like that and what is even more unfortunate many church goers "buy" this at true. I myself had to stop going to churches like this because they do nothing but poison people with their religious junk. Run from such "believers", Jasmine, as fast as you can.
God does not need to teach people by letting them suffer. He teaches with His WORD, the Holy Spirit is our teacher. When we need correction (and we do!), He SPEAKS to us just like I speak to you now. We get convictions in our hearts. But this is only by His LOVE! When He convicts and corrects you NEVER feel condemned. You feel LOVED. He showers mercy on you and grace. He is very very very gentle when He corrects.
By the way He never "dumps" guilt on you. He never shows you more than what you can handle at a time and only shows you what you can handle on every certain learning level of your walk with Him.
Besides, the idea of God putting sickness on people and intentionally "not healing" them or some of them is completely opposite to the Gospel. This is coming from the spirit of Antichrist!
So what about "spirit filled believers" laying hands on you with no results? First of all being filled with the Holy Spirit does not automatically mean filled with God-directed faith. A person can get baptized by the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in other tongues right the next second after his/her salvation. But we all know this does not mean they instantly get mature in the knowledge of God. Person can be saved for years or even decades and not move an inch in their faith and not do anything to renew their minds. Same with spirit filled believers. The fact that they lay hands and pray does not mean a thing.
I can do that and pray till I'm blue in face and not a thing will happen unless I do this if faith. And you know what, if you stand beside them and hear what they are saying it's nearly impossible to tell whether they do this from the conviction of their hearts or just from head-knowledge from having read the bible and trying very hard to appear "spiritual". They might not do this on purpose or not even realize what they are doing but nevertheless this happens all the time. And for a new believer this very much looks like "well, they prayed, they believed and I did not get healed". The conclusion - God is a respecter of persons. "Who cares if the Bible says the opposite, but my eyes and my OWN EXPERIENCE tell me otherwise so this is what I am going to believe." Jasmine, this happens all the time!!!!! This is such a tragedy in the body of Christ :-( And it breaks my heart.

In the last church that I attended (Pentecostal by the way), every one of them were spirit filled tongue speaking believers. They would gather around a sick person in groups with elders and pastors and all this and burst out in tongues, speaking healing and all. But not a thing would happen. Not a thing! And then you start wondering: what on earth is going on, where is God and why is nothing happening? And the Pastor would prophesy often, convict people publicly, "flush out" evil spirits and such. But sit there for a while and listen to what they are teaching, you will soon realize why there is no move of God and no healings. They go after sin like mad dogs and completely forsake God's Grace, they do teach the Law, forsake the Gospel and call it "holiness". Many buy this as a real deal and the results we already know…
And if that's not enough, there's also our deadly enemy - satan and his cohort - who are very cunning and highly deceitful. These are the ones who do put sickness on people and try their best to keep it on them just as much as they can.
Jasmine, you said you were seeking God for God Himself, so how could this happen that you want to quit half way and because He "did not deliver" according to your expectations?
I feel like He waaaay over-delivered even where the Salvation itself is concerned because I did not and never will be able to do a thing to ever deserve it. Up until recent I did not even realize that what is taught in most churches has nothing to do with the true Gospel and God's Salvation. I'd love to elaborate but this should probably be another topic. But this is the very foundation upon which everything is built. If the foundation is crooked at least a bit the whole building is collapsing sooner or later.
And then there is this question: Once your turn your back on God, who are you going to face?????

[Jasmine 0]

I picked up that from life and maybe my mom. The church I go to is totally bible believing andfaith filled. I know what happens if I turn my back on him but he promised healing and he promised the holy spirit and he promised a lot but none of it has come to pass and I have been waiting for years always yearning for God but only getting a small sip once in a while. All i wanted to know is when and where. Now my question is why not.

[astra 0]

Your expectations described above are pretty general.
From what I can understand what you want is to be filled up with the Holy Spirit and speak in tongues, receive your healing and have "spiritual experiences". Is that right?

And you are waiting and waiting on God for years to receive any of the above and ... nothing? Or hardly anything?

Hmm. Let's see. To be baptized with the Holy Spirit and start speaking in tongues is received instantly the moment you ask. I don't get why you are waiting for this for years? Unless I am misunderstanding it. You simply ask and right away receive. Depending on your preconceived expectation the real "thing" might not look, feel or sound the way you expect and you simply might miss it.

Healing - again the same. You believe and receive the moment you ask. 1 Peter 2:24, Matthew 21:22. But every single time it's your decision to go for it or not. I do not see any single reason why you need to wait ON GOD? If you do need to wait it's only for YOU to learn enough to kick out all the unbelief and religious lies about God.

That's why the ones that are newer believers come to the elders of the church (does not mean the ones that are sitting in top positions!, but the ones that are MATURE in God) for them to lay hands on them. This is NOT the norm to go by for your whole life. This is only when you need an immediate healing and you are not mature enough in the Lord to be able to overcome your own unbelief. That's all.
The norm is for each believer to mature to the point when you yourself lay hands on others, raise the dead and cast out the demons. This is normal for each believer.
But this will never happen if you sit and wait for God to make it happen, Jasmine. You can sit like that for decades and wait and nothing will happen, I assure you :-) No reason to get mad at God. He is not the one stalling. Unless you simply want to find a reason, any reason, to get mad at Him.

Picking up "stuff" from life and believing them even though they have nothing to do with the Bible is simply immature, it's wrong! it's just WRONG!

If you want spiritual experiences, they will come with time. First you have to mature and grow in God. I remember I was after these experiences like crazy. I watched all these videos and interviews when people saw Jesus appearing in front of their eyes, seeing Angels, visiting Heaven and all and being not mature at all I just was craving those experiences like mad and did not have them and was quite disappointed and thought that God keeps me to the side. I thought I was not good enough for Him to let me experience these.

After a while I got fed up with feeling like that and decided to stop chasing these and chase God alone. Actually Jesus once spoke to me when I got into my room with the intention to go online and find someone who was speaking about their experiences and try and do the same if I could to have my own. And then as clear as a day Jesus spoke to me and said: "Don't go after these. Go after Me only!" I heard this as clear as anything word for word. That stopped me cold. I saw how I did not realize what I was doing.
You have to be not just focused on Him somewhat. You have to be LAZER FOCUSED on Him. That just changed everything for me.

I am not going after goose bumps anymore, or after "feelings" or "sensations" or seeing angels as wonderful as it might be if it happens.
I have the Bible, my Daddy's personal Word for me. I have Him living right on the inside of me. I have Him speak to me in my heart. What else do I need to be thrilled on a daily basis? Nothing! I do have the Real Thing right now. Sorry, but I simply do not see the reason to wait for anything for years!!!!!!!!!! There isn't any.

You go worshiping God and your spirit just bursts right out of your body. It's an overwhelming experience every time you do this. You can have it absolutely any time you want it. You just don't need to wait. He is actually the One who is waiting on us. And yes, for many He is waiting for years :-(

As to the experiences, yes, I did have them. He did appear to me in Person in an absolutely awesome way and He spoke to me and revealed His Heart of Love for me that my mind cannot even comprehend. I never felt like I deserve any of this, but He said He wants to give because of how hugely much He loves me (the same as anybody else!!!) and I receive it. He has decided to give before we were ever even born here on earth, but every time it's our decision to receive it or not.

I must admit that at my present level of maturity I am not able to receive everything that is mine already simply because my mind and old habits get in the way. Not because He is stalling or making me wait. It's me who has to grow and that does take time.

Jasmine, tell me something. How many hours a day do you spend PERSONALLY with God. I mean just you and Him, undivided attention? Like how many hours a day (I actually do mean it - A DAY, and not every once in a while) do you spend worshiping? Studying His Word? Listening to His Word preached? Thinking about Him? Not just a thought here and there, but intentional, longing meditation about what might this mean in the Bible or what might that mean. Or if this was true in the Bible, then how my life should be like, or how should I feel or change my attitude, or see other people differently... That sort of thing? How willing are you to lay down your every desire, your every belief (whether you feel it's true and accurate or not) in order to receive His? Would you want Him to replace the desires of your heart with desires of His heart? Please don't take this as criticism, Jasmine. I am just showing you that if you desire to get much you should desire even more to put in much and then it will be like a fountain every time you touch your Daddy God as many times a day as you wish. Not a sip now and then. So it's all up to you, dear :-)

[Jasmine 0]

I used to spend time with him a lot. But even then I got a miniscule amount of him when i was just focusing on him. I don't know the difference in our lives for some reason you get the bread and I'm the house pet that gets the crumbs. I don't get it. Heck! I don't want to get it. I God loves me as much as he claims he does then he's gonna be the one to do something about it.

[astra 0]

This is the key word for you right there, Jasmine, is "I USED TO" I used to have the same as you. Or, let me correct myself, I was able to experience , well, not much because I knew about Him so very little. (Or so very little that I knew of His was actually true). This lasted for quite a while. Actually as long as I ha dmy own agenda while seeking Him.
And I think this is with everyone else the very same. I just did not give up, never stopped going. I only pressed in harder and harder. I laid down all my own agenda and was happy with everything I could get. And over time it increased. It never ever even crossed my mind to turn my back on Him. So I did not have any alternative but get going forward and press harder.

[Jasmine 0]

I'm not searching for God. I refuse. The first time I searched for God, got saved and I wasn't doing it consistently I wasn't even trying my best and in a year I got saved. Then, after my fall, I tried searching for him, I was so hungry for Him but I was so deep in my OCD for sex that nothing could be done until I started watching porn. The obsessive thoughts went away. I still tried to search for God and the porn was in the way. I became lukewarm again. Then I was searching for God again. I was worshiping. I was reading the word everyday. I was praying everyday. All of this for over an hour each day. Then sexual thoughts came back. I got off track for a week or less. Then the Pentecost service happened. Then today. Last time I was in the joy of God, I was 12. I'm turning 16 soon, In July actually. I may have not searched God with all that I am. but I didn't the first time and God came to my rescue. Why not this time?

[astra 0]

Ok, I see what's going on. You do not have a clear understanding about what happened when you got saved. You say you were rescued once and now want to be rescued by God again. Well, when you were saved Jesus did the PERFECT JOB. He does not save anyone partially. He did it once for all and this was done PERFECT. No need for another rescue or a booster shot.
You know that we have 3 parts - spirit, soul and body. What was made perfect in you and me and every other redeemed person is our SPIRIT. This is the only part that was made perfect. The other two - soul and body weren't yet. These were purchased but not redeemed yet. The redemption of souls and bodies will happen later when we get glorified bodies and sanctified minds.
So what you are bothered by now - by recurring attacks on your mind is what is common for all of us. You are not the only one. I have an example of such an attack on a well known Pastore and an awesome teacher of God's Word. He testified that prior to his salvation he was exposed to prnography. So one day he said he was just about to start preaching and the worship part was near the end and all of a sudden these images started flooding through his mind. What he did was he stood on who he became in Jesus and started praising God even more. He had an awesome time and these thoughts just had to leave. I can give you more examples and you can hear them too if you want. THis would be very encouraging for you.

So if you don't have a clear understanding, it's very easy to fall into a trap of thinking that God did not do a very good job saving you. But that's simply not true..
What you are experiencing can be helped. Unfortunatelly I don't have time to write and explain more. But I will as soon as I can. I have to run to work now. I will pm you as sonn as I get a chance.

[Jasmine 0]

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. My anger is going down however I don't want to get into God. I feel that if I do I won't get what I want. I just want to encounter God in a whole new way. In actuality I want God and to experience him in a supernatural way. But i don"t want to feel like I'm just worshiping, praying, crying out and all God is doing is inching closer little by little ever so slowly.

[astra 0]

I think you would probably benefit from taking some time just to sort things out calmly, without any angry feelings as well as not putting yourself under any pressure to "have supernatural encounters". I personally know what it feels like to strive to achieve some certain level like "yesterday" and not getting anywhere with it :-) That's tough. So take a break and calmly sort things out in your heart.

As to worshiping, you're kidding, this IS the most incredible supernatural encounter EVER. This is the VERY REASON you were created. This is why I was created and I love it. However I had to LEARN how to worship. I had some stupid ideas, which were wrong to begin with and it simply did not work. I had a heavy baggage on my back of guilt, and needs and feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy, not measuring up. I was dragging all that junk in with me when I was before the Lord to tell Him how I loved Him. I did not enjoy that time at all. That was more like a heavy duty than uttermost pleasure (the way it should be).

So I did some substantial studying and mind renewal as to how God sees me and who I am in His eyes. Then all that baggage fell of me and I now am standing in His Holy presence at any time at all just being showered with His Love, free from burdens and needs and begging and asking etc.

Worshiping time is like a time when two people who are madly in love with each other sit close together, gaze into each others' eyes and just tell each other how much they love, adore, admire, cherish each other. No pressure, not like a duty, but something that simply bursts out of their hearts like a river.

I remember one day I was worshiping and it felt like your body is just too small for your spirit and it wanted to burst out and just dance in the air for the Lord. I had this desire in my heart that if put into words would be "I want to blow kisses to the Lord!" And the very next day I was listening to Sid Roth's interview with someone (don't remember their name). They were talking about worshiping. And that person said that "worshiping' translated literally means "kissing", among other things. I was totally blown away. I had no idea it meant that and just the day before it was ringing all through my heart "blowing kisses to the Lord". That was amazing!

I can go on and on and on. What I am trying to tell you, Jasmine, that if I did not spend time listening to anointed preachings literally for hours daily for months and months, I'd never be able to renew my mind enough so I can get to the level I am now. And I feel that I am only starting to scratch the surface. I feel like I am at the very very beginner's basic level and there is no limit where I can go from here. It's all up to me.

Jasmine, dear, It's not God who is inching in closer o you bit by bit. It's YOU who is inching in!!! Please, please, please do not count it as a burden or something boring to spend quality and quantity of time on finding out the TRUTH about who you are and how God sees you. This is totally essential. This is such a joy and such pleasure. When I do that the Holy Spirit reveals things to me even during my listening time, I get my understanding blessed with revelations from the Lord that the preacher wasn't even talking about. I don't know how you call it, I call it SUPERNATURAL! And it's like bombarding you daily pretty much every time you start thinking about things of the Lord, you get absolutely amazing revelations. The Lord showers you with them freely, liberally.

The Lord will teach you, but you have to show up for the class :-)
I can go on and on and on. I mean anything about God and encountering Him IS Supernatural :-) And the more you get to know the real Him, not through life!!, but through the real thing - communicating directly with Him, touching Him, talking to Him, opening up your heart to Him, the deeper you will go into His realm. It will become easier and easier to break away from the weights of flesh and leave the worldly things behind and soar with the Lord like a Spirit with the Spirit.
But the same as with two people it is impossible to fall deeply in love with each other without spending quality time one-on-one getting to know each other, same with us towards God. How do you know what makes Him sad, what makes His Heart beat faster, what makes His Heart leap with joy, what makes Him sad, what hurts Him. Get to know the Lover of your soul, Jasmine!
Many people are into what I call "fast food Christianity". They have "I want it and I want it yesterday" attitude. Don't be like that, dear Jasmine! Everything worth having in life is worth spending time getting it, worth putting efforts into. But let me tell you, you can never out give God. Whatever you put into your relationship with Him, He will return hundredfold!!!

Hugs!

[Jasmine 0]

Yes, that's all wonderful but how? HOW? How do I do all the things you just said. No preacher bothers to tell me. And on top of that I'd like to know when this breakthrough will happen. When all my prayers, my worshiping, my crying out will just culminate together in God's ear and he can't take it anymore and he answers me! If I get that answer, well, it would mean everything. Maybe I would be more diligent in this thing we call searching for God. BTW: I watch Sid Roth too.

[astra 0]

Don't worry about when it will happen. It will happen gradually. I can't even pinpoint when things started "happening" with me. I guess when I started understanding how things really worked :-)
Hey, you said you watch Sid Roth. To tell you the truth this is what got me in trouble to begin with. Sid's a wonderful guy but, in my personal opinion, he kind of presents things with a flare of sensationalism. He probably does it to get the point across, but for someone like me at the beginnning it sounded like you HAVE to have all these supernatural encounters or else you aren't "normal". So I could not get anything going at all and was terribly upset for a long time. But that's in the past now and I'm on the right path and put things into their right perspective on a much more mature level :-). This will come to you too, don't worry. And it won't take long.
The main this is do not put yourself under pressure of having those encounters and supernatural experiences the way that upsets you if you don't have them. This is like an inner vow "I am not going to be happy unless I get what I want the way I want it". Just relax, and enjoy the ride :-)

[Jasmine 0]

Thx. I repented so I hope I'm not angry with God anymore. I still feel a bit of hostility towards Him. I haven't been as good controlling my emotions.

[rmartin 0]

I know what's its like to go through a lot of mental anguish I have schizophrenia. I delt with a lot of things that goes on in the mind. Practically everything from looseing all hope to desperation feeling like im stuck and nothing will ever change even to thinking of suicide because of what goes on in my mind. but the thing that keeps me going is jesus. and when I mean by that it means when im down or I don't feel like im good enough for god or anything that's bad. Jesus always seems to bring me back to him. sometimes im not holding on to him but hes still holding on to me and wont let go. He always helps me with a word from god in the bible for inspiration to someone like my grandma comeing over my house to talk to me about god. I found out that talking to someone that really believes in god and will sit down and talk with you about what your going through helps. because they can say words of inspiration to you about god. and even though it feel like your so down and out and the devil is kicking you around in your mind, takeing the hits like a sucker punch to the face and letting it happen because you just so upset or anything. because the bible says this and I truly believe this is. and its in the new testament somewhere. And it talks about the armor of god. and it basically says we don't wage war aginst the fleash which is the mind in my case. but principalitys or powers in high places or something like that. so when something goes on in your mind that's aginst the will of god. like something attacking your faith or anything. social anexitys, worry, fear, discouragement. anything negative its spiritual evil. I deal with it a lot. And I also know that everything works for those that love god and are called according to his purpose are for your good. And you showed in your post that you love god because you pray and call. read psalms 91 sometime that's my favorite pslams in the bible. I recently went though a mental breakdown a cupple hours ago. And I know its no fun its really something no one wants to deal with. I believe that with all this mental turmoil its building my faith. sometimes I get really knocked down but I manage to get back up somehow. and I know its not my self helping me its god. I wonder if god sent me to this page to talk about my experience to you because I experienced the worse of the worse. And remember this, your not the only person that went through stuff that your going through other people went through the same stuff you do and they came out victorious In their life. why because they dident give up on god and if they did he lead them back to him. Because jesus talks about a stray sheep in the bible that went astray and the Shepard left his 99 sheep to go search for the lost one and when he found it he rejoiced. Please don't give up on god. if you do things will probly end up worse and you wont have faith to stand on in the time of seasons that go aginst you. I know that from experience. And just knowing that god is with you all the time he knows what your going through and he cares a lot. I go through so much bad things sometimes that he talks to me in my dreams and comforts me. one time he told me "I loved you and I always will love you". and another time I was talking down to my self and that night I had a dream that I seen jesus and I was waving him to come to me and he went right inside me. showing me that he is inside me and with me all the time. I know Im not alone in this mental battle. When I go through hard times I say to my self be strong because he told me that one time, and I say to you be strong. or I say psalms 91 ( what I can remember of it). I hope you find this encouraging that your not alone in mental battles of any sort. and I will be praying for you and I ask that you pray for me. and always remember your not in this alone, jesus is always with you even if you don't know it.

[Jasmine 0]

Thx, Martin. That was uplifting. I repented and turned back to God. I'm trying to make the best of everything. Thx for your help.

[rmartin 0]

I was hopeing that would help

[Jasmine 0]

Cool!

[rmartin 0]

I acutally just broke a fourm rule because I refered to a pastor so im going to delete it dident know sorry

[Jasmine 0]

Actually you didn't. I don't remember you telling me his name so it doesn't matter.

[rmartin 0]

ooh ok

[Ann_100 0]

I would also advise you to pay attention to your dreams. You may think that God is not connection with you when in fact you are not opening your spiritual hears to hear him. He talks to you always in your dreams. Learn how to understand Hs dream language. He is always communicating with you at night as you sleep. Write down your dreams and check out John Paul Jackson and others. At times when I was having major issues God was trying to warn me and help me. After understanding His dream language I now understand this truth. God loves to communicate with us. Try to remember the dreams that you had during the bad times in your life. I had dreams of a man with a big nose ganging up on me with others trying to steal from me. I had this dream more than once. God was trying to tell me that my abusive ex who was a minister in church had the gift of discernment 'big nose' but was trying to steal my joy peace etc. God gave me this dream several times because He knew that the devil was using my ex to trying to take me out although he was a leader in church. I did not understand the dream so I stayed with this man thinking that God would change him and fix his behavior. 'Still trying to recover'. When you have these dreams 'and I believe you will' ask God to help you to see with your spiritual eyes and hear with your spiritual hears and understand with your spiritual mind but with your equipment turn towards Him and not darkness. 'My ex's was turned towards darkness' You will love the connection you have with Him in this way. Then He will take you to greater heights of closeness with Him. He loves to connect with us, it is His joy. It is one way we make Him happy. The devil hates to make God happy so the devil tries to brake this communication that we have with our maker. Start with your dreams, buy Christian dream symbol books, as God to reveal your dreams to you and feel the connection.