goferit

- to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - I'll do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow, get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'. So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose. The husband says; 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'. His funeral is next Thursday.

-- goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs . . . a green spot on the inside of each. "They won't wash off, they won't scrape off and they seem to be getting worse." The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back. A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots. The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy - - there's no problem. But I'm wondering, is your boyfriend a biker guy?" The woman stammers, "Why, yes, but how did you know?" "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

MISERYGUTS

CAMPING

STRANGE

PEPPERY

steak SIRLOIN

CHEEKS

ILLOGICAL

ANVIL

- Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide that my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see That the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered. I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the Kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only one check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it. Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

COMIC

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew - gems in the rough, all of them - more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I've been working with a crew building a house all week." "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week too?" "I will if those useless ***tards at the lumber yard ever bring us the ***kin' drywall," replied the little girl.

PROGRESS

STRUCTURE

EYELETS

STUB

MILK

GOOD ON YOU--BOTH --CAN'T BEAT IT WHEN BOTH PEEPS LOVE BIKING.. MY WIFE USED TO GO WITH ME ALMOST EVERY TRIP, BUT HAS REALLY BAD ARTHRITIS NOW, AND CAN NO LONGER RIDE PILLION. I REALLY MISS HER COMPANY, AND IT AIN'T THE SAME THESE DAYS; SO MAKE THE MOST OF WHAT YOU HAVE PEEPS-- AGE SOON CATCHES YAS..

DUNNO?? GONNA PUT--- GINGER-BREAD

I'M NOT DISAGREEING HERE, BUT DON'T FORGET--- BEER IS ABOUT TWICE THE PRICE OF PETROL, AND CONSISTS MAINLY OF WATER AND NO-ONE MOANS MUCH ABOUT THAT??.

PETITE

WOT??? Bum fluff =chad Sorry chad lol THIS IS THE CHAD I WUZ MEANING.....YOUNGSTERS WONT REMEMBER THIS CHARECTER..