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Gaiamaiden

How Can I Get My Confident Husband Back? :(

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I just feel so lost at the moment, i just dont know what to do.
My husband has been having a bad time in work recently, he nearly lost his job because he has been off sick alot, but it wasnt his fault and he was given a final warning which means if he is off sick again in the next 12 months he will be sacked.

Well, he has been going into work like normal but yesterday he hit rock bottom. He broke down crying while working. He suffers from a form of Dyslexia and has slight learning difficulties and he never told his job he had it. This was because whenever he has told people about it they have never given him the job (which is wrong) but it never effected him until he started working on this particular part of the line in the factory. Well, he just feels like he is letting everyone down and his manager even shouted at him yesterday and called him "stupid" just because he wasnt working as fast as what he wanted but Dan was trying his best and the manager even said he was lying about having Dyslexia and sent him to the nurse. After having a long talk with the nurse and telling her everything she confirmed that he wasnt lying and Dan heard the manager say "oh, so he wasnt lying then".
He has just left for work (thats why im up at 5.30am) and he just looks so defeated, he was nearly crying again, he has lost on confidence in himself. I tried to help him but everything I said just didnt seem to help. He has always been the strong one now I have to be the strong one but i feel like im doing a horrible job Sad

We have even put in an application for him working as a chef again so im hoping he hears from them soon, if he gets the job he is going to leave where he works now. I just want him to be the confident person he used to be, i dont know what to do.....

update: well, he went into work this morning and was dragged into the office and given two choices, if he went down into the factory and did something wrong he would be sacked or he could go home to "think about his future with the company". I couldnt believe it when Dan was knocking on the front door at 7am, he even walked all the way home Sad
The managers basically said that they dont believe he has Dyslexia or learning difficulties and they said that his best "wasnt good enough". They said he wouldnt get the sack if he came home (which i dont understand how that works) but he rang the main managers and the union representative when he came home and told them what had happened.....the main managers had no knowledge of why Dan was pulled into the office and the rules are that if anyone needs to be spoken to then they have to go through the main managers first, so they have broken the rules already! So Dan has to go to a meeting tomorrow which will involve himself, 2 managers, the nurse, his union rep and the manager that called him stupid. He will finally get a chance to put his case of bullying across. So its something to feel better about. I just hope they can help him.

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Stephanie, I'm not the best one to be giving advice on how to be strong as I tend to lean on my hubby sometimes too. I rely on him to be the strong one, when for them it can be just as hard. I really hope that things start to get better for the both of you. The last thing either of you need right now is stress right before the baby comes!

I would say the best thing you can do is just be your supportive loving self. Tell him positive things to help him feel stronger. You know that he's doing his best, and it's sad that ignorant people make him feel badly about himself when he truly is doing the best he can. Just let him know how much you appreciate him, and that it really means so much that he is doing what is is for his family. (Not saying that your not doing that already).

I will keep you both in my prayers that he finds something that he wants to do. Something he enjoys doing, and that you guys hear back from that place soon.

Hopefully now that his manager is aware of his disability he will take it easier on him and doesn't dare to call him stupid again! Most of all you both deserve to be happy right now, and I know it's hard but try to stay positive.

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Oh, poor Dan..
It is not his fault... Why don't they try to understand his situation... They should at least try to see the good things he has done.. not just look at his absences... And as they already knew, he is suffering from a form of Dyslexia, so it gives a reason why he is like that.. I mean, people should trust him fully, I know he is a hard working person...
And all of us has the right to have some sickness, though...
Sweetie, I know you are trying your best to make him happy..
A simple hug and kisses will do a great impact.. and just stay by his side no matter what..

I am sending lots of hugs and kisses for you and for Dan..

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well, he went into work this morning and was dragged into the office and given two choices, if he went down into the factory and did something wrong he would be sacked or he could go home to "think about his future with the company". I couldnt believe it when Dan was knocking on the front door at 7am, he even walked all the way home Sad
The managers basically said that they dont believe he has Dyslexia or learning difficulties and they said that his best "wasnt good enough". They said he wouldnt get the sack if he came home (which i dont understand how that works) but he rang the main managers and the union representative when he came home and told them what had happened.....the main managers had no knowledge of why Dan was pulled into the office and the rules are that if anyone needs to be spoken to then they have to go through the main managers first, so they have broken the rules already! So Dan has to go to a meeting tomorrow which will involve himself, 2 managers, the nurse, his union rep and the manager that called him stupid. He will finally get a chance to put his case of bullying across. So its something to feel better about. I just hope they can help him.

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That's mobbing in the worlds worst way. My husband said that they are probably trying to find a reason to get rid of Dan. How awful. Sven was a victim of this form of abuse at his old workplace, and the guy who did it is probably still there.

Why companies can get away with that sort of rubbish is beyond me, but Dan did nothing wrong. You are doing the best you can for him, but keep your thoughts focused on Molly. She needs to have a strong mummy who is gioing to stay healthy for her. The last month of pregnancy is (I hear) hard on the body, so you just hang in there.

When Sven's having a bad day, I make him a really special dinner and reassure him that I am proud of him. He's had, during the past months, ups and downs with all the stuff in our lives, so saying 'I'm proud of you' can go a long way. Smile

Hope that helps. sending lots of hugs your way.

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I think Dan is not feeling comfortable in this job, and apparently this is not a job for him! The job is a very important part of our lives and it has to be pleasant to him! In my opinion Dan is a person who can do well in many jobs, he only has to decide what is suitable and more pleasant for him! Forget about those managers and directors blah blah blah over there. They will never understand , they think with their wallets. I would advise my hubby to get away from they as quick as possible and find a nice job for him! They shouldn't be allowed to hurt a person like Dan. They shouldn't be allowed!! Sometimes many of us have to start over new, and this is a ''inspiring breath'' and we get back our confidence this way! Give him strength to make a new start , and remind him that he has people who support him (you) and a babyyyyy!!!!! Well, im not good in giving advice, but this is only my point of view... i hope it can help. Im sure he will make it anyway

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omg! i just read this..i feel so bad for dan. he's a great man and that is just horrible!

what happened with the meeting? were they able to get to the bottom of this bullying?

if you were here in the states, i'd tell you to tell dan to get a lawyer and sue them cuz then you'd be rich and probably wouldn't have to work anymore!! ha ha..but i don't know how things work over there.

*hugz* to both you and dan. the last thing you both need is stress with molly on her way.

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UPDATE:

The managers saw it from Dan's point of view and he has kept his job! The manager who called Dan stupid wasnt even at the meeting. i think they are going to deal with him in their own way. Dan is being moved to a different part of the factory and he is getting help congratulations
the managers apologised to him and told him it shouldnt have gone as far as it has done. but Dan also apologised for not telling them about his learning difficulties (even though it was for a good reason). So things worked out brilliantly

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It's awful hearing how someone can be treated so badly but I'm glad to hear it worked out well in the end for Dan! So there's no need for you to worry about it anymore missy, making you end up in hospital! Atleast it's a big weight off both your shoulders now so you can enjoy Molly's arrival without any worries! congratulations

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