UK Cop Humour

[Oldfart 0]

QUESTION:

How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

SCENARIO:

You're on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges at you.

You are carrying your Police issued Glock pistol and you are an expert shot, however, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do?

ANSWER:

A British Police Officer:

Firstly you consider the man's Human Rights.
1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?

2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?

4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

5) Am I dressed provocatively?

6) Could I run away?

7) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings?

9) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

10) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway - what kind of message does this send to society?

11) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

12) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?

13) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself?

14) If I shoot and wound him, and then lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?

Canadian Police Officer:

BANG!

American Police Officer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

'click'... Reload...

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Minutes later, your Sergeant and twenty six of your nearest colleagues arrive at the scene.

They remark on your 'nice grouping.'

[Neill 0]

 
the worrying thing is reality isn't far off this

[lee1 1]

   

[trebor4460 0]

So very true... 

[madcarper 0]

fair do I say. if it was me and I had a bazooka I wouldn't hesitate to use it.

[Chadatious 0]

too true

[Skelly 0]

[madsod 0]

  

[Skelly 0]

@Skelly wrote:

Was sure i put this as a new post.  losing the plot

[gravelrash 0]

  Losing the plot would suggest an ongoing process Alan you lost it a LONG time ago mate!  

[Skelly 0]

@gravelrash wrote:

  Losing the plot would suggest an ongoing process Alan you lost it a LONG time ago mate!   

Cheers mate