obalanga 0 Posted April 14, 2015 Husband takes the wife to a disco.There’s a bloke on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works.The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that bloke? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."Husband says: "Looks like he’s still celebrating!!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goferit 0 Posted April 16, 2015 Like it !!Similar joke---- she said look at him over there, the drunk one,I divorced him 10 yrs ago..New boyfriend says-- I see he's still celebrating Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
obalanga 0 Posted May 7, 2015 The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the M4 near Bridgend recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorrys, while only 2% were killed by cars.The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chadatious 0 Posted May 8, 2015 im dieing! ive had to steal this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
obalanga 0 Posted May 9, 2015 7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15. PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
obalanga 0 Posted January 29, 2016 A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway on your Z1000. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1,000 an inch."The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be very disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."The man agrees to talk with his wife.The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?""I have," says the man."And what is the decision?" asks the doctor."We're having granite worktops"..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
