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What is the relationship that the single person should have with Christ? I am curious as to how other single people perceive their lives as it relates to the Capstone who holds it all together for us. You see, I share a dream that has been egged on by family sitcoms, love stories, and other such fantasies that take out of context what the institution of marriage is supposed to be and how to transition into that institution (besides actually getting married) from a life of singleness.

I desire to be married. I figured that out as a little girl from the time that I began to notice that little boys were attractive when dressed handsomely - apart from the occasional nose rooting - and that they liked little girls who wrestled well, and could spit as far as or farther than a boy, but they were in awe of little girls who wore prim skirts, cute ponytails, and were as dainty as buttercups. I then at that time decided that my weapons of warfare would be lip gloss and clear polish! However, since that time, I, like a catepillar, have gone through several life cycles to get where I am now.

I'll tell you, living life as a catepillar ain't easy. You know that catepillars attract all kinds of birds and other insects, don't you? That goes for us ladies as well. I didn't forget about you, fellas. Birds can be used as a symbol of unclean spirits, and this the context in which I am using today. You can attract a bird by doing what comes naturally to you. But when you come into the Body of Christ, a transformation occurs spiritually. Now, if only you will allow the Word of God to transform you mind, to transform your thinking. (Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.)

This "mind" transformation ensures that you are feeding your spirit man. It takes out the trash (all the things that have become habitual and are not good for your life). It develops the mind of Christ in you. Every change that you make in the spirit involves the will to do His Will in the soul of your mind and your emotions. We have to yield to the Spirit. The Spirit is gentle. He is not going to grab you by your wrist and pull you along. You have to make a choice to allow Him to be in control, to advise you, to counsel, to help you make wise choices that lead to life. None of this will stop the birds from coming. What bird doesn't desire the freshest, plumpest, most healthy looking fruit that they see? They will eat it down to the seed. What your transformation does do is help you to see the birds from where they are and for what they are before they can approach you to destroy you. There are some catepillars that emit a certain something that repulses birds. In the same way, living in the Spirit will repulse the birds. You can keep yourself by living in the Spirit.

Living in the Spirit - prayer, studying the Word, meditating on the Lord, singing psalms, spirtual songs and hymns, fasting, discerning right from wrong and make the correct choice between the two. As we continue to do these things, it becomes easier to tame the flesh, and force it to give way to the Spirit of the Lord. That is just practical. Romans 3:23 lets me know that I am not perfect, but I certainly desire to keep myself pure. Why would I engage in ungodly conduct that is not like God now that I know better. Yes, you may really not have known better previous to your conversion to Christ, but now that you know better, what are you going to do? Do we desire to be children of God, and to look like and act like the Lord, or do we want to be children in name only? Let the Lord lead you. Living in the Spirit will repulse the birds.

You may think, "but don't we have to live in the world"? Yes, we do. We can effectively evangelize and spend time with people without doing bazaar things. The Lord knows that we will be considered strange enough just by not doing the things that the world is doing which is contrary to the Lord's Will. I qualify that statement with "contrary to the Lord's will", because I want to make a difference between what you believe is right for you in your own conscience and what the Lord actually desires or requires of you. Many times, there is an abject difference, and those differences can be seen in the host of different denominations which is armorial of the demographic church as we know it. Living in the spiritual does not stop is from living in the world; it only stops us from adopting world attitudes and strategies.

But I digress. I don't accept my singleness as it is defined. I am not trying to confuse you. I am not married, and I suppose that for some people, it feels more gentle and less abrasive to be referred to as single. I feel that the adjective is not conducive to who I am as a christian lady. The Lord Jesus said that He and the Father are one. So, I don't believe in being defined as "single" in the sense that I am unattached. Do you know that the number 1 is the only number that can be multiplied with itself and still be 1? Fascinating. Impactful. Titillating. To know that we can be so inmeshed in someone else's being and they in ours that we are "one". This is the relationship that we have with Christ. This is the relationship that we have with the Father. This is the relationship that we have with the Holy Spirit. We are "one". For those of you who are already in the Lord as a married "couple", there is the reality that the husband has left his father and mother (which consists of one), to be united to his wife so that they two can become one flesh. One. Multiplicative, simply one, but indicative of so much more. It is unnatural to do otherwise and to stay divided. A sperm cell needs an egg to come together and form something new and one, "singular"; the two do not operate in a mutually exclusive manner in relationship to each other. They don't need space, time to themselves, or time to think. They do what they were created to do. They immediately begin to interact with each other in such a way that they become one. The sperm even sheds part of itself that it no longer needs in it's new identity. It no longer needs its tail to swim with the crowd. It has a purpose that has set it apart, and it is fulfilling it.

So I consider that my singleness is really a divine oneness with my Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. God has a mutually inclusive nature for anyone who desires to be with Him according to His statutes. I beg you to remember that we are in a sacred covenant of blood. A bride is supposed to be pure on the night of the wedding, and the blood of the union is part of the covenant sealing. In the same way, we are are supposed to be pure as part of the covenant. Though we live by faith and enjoy the Lord's grace, we must remember that He still desires and indeed commands us to keep ourselves if we are not married, and not drink from OTHER wells (practice monogamy) if we are married. It's part of the covenant. I believe that because I am practising being faithful and pure with the Lord, I am setting myself up to have the same type of relationship with my future husband. I want to be able to be trusted. I know inside of myself how much I can be trusted when I look at my reflection in God's Word. I believe that this oneness that He is cultivating in me is helping me to be the helpmate that my future spouse will need on our way to being the ministers of flame who will carry the gospel wherever the Spirit may lead our feet and our heart. I believe that this oneness will help me recognize my when my spouse comes, because he will look like Jesus. What I mean by this is not that he will have Jesus sandals, and use "thou's, thee's, and ye's", but rather he will have that certain Spirit-led love of the Lord, and that love of people, that self-control, that goodness, that prayerfulness, that diligence, that restfulness, that peace...etc. I will be able to recognize what faithfulness and love and obligation looks like. I will know that he is able to protect me and provide for any us's that come along. I could stretch it out for you, but in a word, I am saying that his fruit should be evident to me, and there should be a witness in my spirit, not my soul, and definitely not my body, that this is the one. It shouldn't be a surprise to him either. I don't want the Lord to wake my Adam up before he is through working on me. We should be able to come to a mutual agreement that this is the path that the Lord has led us to. It should be a place in life that the Lord has ordered in our steps.

In the meanwhile, my oneness with the Lord should compell me to want to be as immersed in His shadow as I am able to be. He is the Person who I am with 24 hours a day, 7 days in the week. He gives me a hope, He holds my future (Jeremiah 29:11). I don't want anything to sear my conscience so that I am unable to fellowship with Him. Whether His directive is just to have me spend time with Him, or my family, or visit the shut-in, or those in prison, or feed the hungry, or clothe the needy, or spread the gospel and win converts, or cast out devils, or heal the sick. Whatever it is, I want to be able to hear clearly and not do ambiguous guess work. But I want to make sure that I have waited on - served - the Lord with all that I have. I know that He will not let me miss what He has for me as long as I tune into Him.

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