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GoldenEagle

Just not happy

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This is a bit convoluted, but here goes. I have had a very sertious form of narthritis since childhood. Recently a miracle happened in another area of my health, but the arthritis is serious and they are running out of treatment options. I am starting a new drug on Monday that might help, and if it doesn't they say I will lose my independence. The only problem is it has serious ramifications in the area of having children. I'm 34 and single and haven't given up on that yet, but if I deon't try this drug the consequences coulod be severe.

Then there's my job... last year I got offered a music contract and I was thrilled as that is the only thjing I ever wanted to do, but I couldn't make a decent living out of it and I've had to trake a job I don't really like and it just depresses me to be spending my time and what littloe energy my illness leaves me with on something I don't love. I'm very skilled in certain areas and I have all the exams, awards etc but a real lasting career just doesn't seem to materialise and I feel like can't be happy doing anything else because this is the thing I'm good at and in other fields I'm just getting by.

And I'm not really happy that I'm single... 9i have to suppo9rt my ageing mother cos my father is dead and I didn't really want to be living at home by this age, but we neither of us can afford to do without the other.

And the constant, extreme paiin and chronic fatigue is so debilitating, and the things Chrsitains say about illness are either so hurtful or so downright crazy that I feel like having a panic attack any time I go anywhere near a churchy. The healign ministry has doen me alot of harm, I feel.

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delay is not denial, God has a Promised Land for you thats right around the corner...i just sent you a pm :-)

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