My ministry dream shattered

[Sirianta 0]

Hey guys, I didn't know where to post this, so I hope this is the right place. It has been a while now that my hearts desire is to go into full time ministry. I want nothing more in my life but to work for the Lord. I have this big passion to tell people about Jesus and who He really is. I want to tell people how much God loves them. Then another passion of mine is children, especially orphans or abused children. I don't know how to describe it but it is something inside of me that is burning and just wants to come out, like over flowing!

On more than one ocasion I received prophetic word from prophets that I'll be in full time ministry. Every Word had to do with the passion I had to minister to people and take care of children.
One specific prophetic word I received went like this "there will be a company that will head hunt you.
They will want to pull you in to work for them because you are good with people but it will happen in a supernatural way.
When this happens everything will go well for you, but just a warning...God shows me that you work very well with people. You get along well especially with men.
Just be carefull because the enemy would want to trick you to ruin relationships in your life."

Then two days back I was on Facebook and a posted a daily devotional on a page of a certain ministry. Then I got a friend request from a pastor I don't know. I accepted his friend request and this pastor contacted me. I was stunned because we chatted as if we were friends for years. He is about 20 years older than myself. I told him that my hearts desire is to be in full time ministry. He told me that God lead him to me and that he wants to help me in getting into the ministry. He said he can arrange a radio interview where I can share my testimony of everything I had to go through in life and he can arrange that I can testify at about 3 different churches. He even invited me to go to a huge crusade with their ministry. Now this pastor is a very well known man and they minister internationally. I was so excited and thought this is what God talked about saying it will happen in a supernatural way. And then things started to bother me, because my focus was Jesus and his focus was me. He started in a very subtle way flirting with me. I had such fear inside of me for this "man of God"! It was so gross! I was so dissapointed and hurt. I'm not mad at God because it is clear that this happened for a reason. I just can't believe that a person who preaches to people, a pastor, a huge leader is capable of doing something like this! The whole time when I wanted to glorify God for something he would change it into him glorifying me or himself. He even wanted me to meet him personally.

Then today before he could contact me, I contacted him and in a very polite manner told him that I've decided not to take his help offering.
He took it okay, but said that he is sad because now we won't have contact anymore! Sick!
I am just so dissapointed, hurt and sad about all of this. I know that not all leaders/pastors are like this but boy I'm gonna find it hard to trust any leader again.
Has any of you had kind of the same experience ever? I so much hoped this was my door that God opened to work for Him.

Love in Christ

[Sirianta 0]

Just another thing, I did do a background check and yes he is a real pastor with a huge ministry. They are based internationally, America and South Africa. They have a website as well and have clips on Youtube. On his facebook profile his congregation members often praise him for a very blessed/holy spirit filled sermon. So it is obvioous to me that he is a gifted pastor but has a real problem with loving woman. And yes he is married. I won't say which ministry it is or reveal his name because I am praying that God would help him with this "addiction". I realise that I can not judge him and should forgive him. I am just still hurt, shocked and yes I've learned a lesson.

[Cholette 0]

Hi Sirianta...its good to see you back posting on the boards!

Firstly, I want to ask if you have a church home. I ask this becauses I personally believe that God trains us in ministry within our church home. It's sort of like our children. They are in our home for a season, before they go out and live in the world on their own...and we train them for life. It's the same for us in our local church home. You said you have a passion for children and for people to know that God loves them. I suggest that you get involved within your church (if you have one) and let God cultivate you. One of the number one things God will do is enhance within you is "discernment".

We all want to take our prophetic words and RUN with them and do what we can to further the gospel, but what God told me to do one day is to "minister within your own world (home, work, church etc), before you go out and minister to the masses". It's "at home" where we learn about life in the ministry.

I belonged to a church for over 20 years. I worked in the ministry the entire time however, as I began to develop and draw closer and more intimate with God, the things I was doing and learning in this church no longer did anything for me. It was almost like I was outgrowing the church. God was taking me higher and higher in him, but this church was slowing down my pace. One day, God released me to go. When I did, I found a wonderful small church where God allowed the Pastor to see my gifts, the moment I stepped into the door. I received a prophetic word that God brought me to that church to promote me...spiritually and naturally. From that point on, I received a job...after not having one for over a year and a half...and I began the school of ministry within this church and now I'm operating in most of my gifts...things I never knew I had within me.

When I got home that first Sunday attending this church, the Lord spoke and said, "your gifts will make room for you and bring you before great men" (Proverbs 18:16). YES...my gifts made room for me and brought me before a GREAT man of God, who God is using to mold and teach me ministry. There is wisdom in Full Time Ministry and there is a lot of sacrifice. I'm not one to run to it with open arms because I know there are things about it that are hard. I'm enjoying the fact that God is teaching and molding my gift in my local church before he puts me out there to the world.

I'm sharing this with you because I really feel that you need to do the same. Don't launch out without knowledge because zeal without knowledge is foolishness. Let God open the RIGHT doors for you at the RIGHT time. When He does, you will be ready with a discernment that can see through any and all evil motivations.

Blessings

[Sirianta 0]

Hey Cholette! Thank you so much for your very wise words as always!

Thing is as you know the situation with me and my husband. He believes but doesn't serve the Lord with me. He doesn't have this passion because he doesn't know Jesus. He believes because he grew up in a christian home, but doesn't have a personal relationship with Jesus. Now the complicated part is that previously we nearly got divorced because of different faith believes. I believe in what the Word says about gifts like the prophetic, speaking in tongues ets. He grew up in a church that doesn't prctice these. So for him all this stuff like prophetic dreams etc. Is weired and he doesn't believe in it. Every time in the past when I grew closer to God an "supernatural stuff" in my life started happening he would get furious and think I'm weired. So mmuch so that he told me he will leave me if I continue with this lifestyle. I must say that lately it's been going a bit better between us because I kinda submitted to him. But it feels like I'm not growing anymore spiritually as I'm suppose too. I am still praying for him and I have seen changes in him. But it's still a long way to go.

Now a lady whom I consider to be very wise spiritually told me that I can not move from under the covering of my husband. I have to submit. If he doesn't want me to go to these churches I have to obey him. The moment I go against his wishes I won't be covered by God anymore and it leaves more room for the enemy to get a grip on me. I know this might be true, but why is it so hard?! I just love God soooo much and want to spend so much time with Him and grow in Him but my marriage doesn't allow this. This lady said that she too received prophetic word over the years that she'll have her own ministry, but it still did not happen because her situation is the same as mine. She is 61 years today and because she has to submit to her husband she too still isn't in ministry.and she says it has to be like this. The most important thing in life is to submit to your husband even if he doen't serve the Lord with you.

My question is this, why would God keep giving us prophetic word if it doesn't come to life?
What is the use then of receiving Word. I hope you understand.
I'm not questioning God, I'm questioning what this dear lady told me.
She also said that I'm not allowed to help the needy if my husband doesn't know about it. If he says it is okay then I may give money, food etc. I'm just so confused!

I don't want a ministry so that I can say "I've got my own ministry" it's not about me, but all about God! I love Him so much! I want to move from worldly things like my job etc and just serve Him 24/7. My situation is just so difficult.

I love my hubby VERY much! And I will keep on praying for him

[True Flight 0]

I would never of married a women that would submit to me.
I was looking for an equal, a partner, a friend, some one to share a life with.

God said you will have a ministry, who are you to question him?

What this lady has told you is a lie, I come against it in the name of Jesus Christ.

Do not be apologetic for your husband or your beliefs, but claim him as a child of God.
You do not need to submit to him, but he must submit to the Lord.

Is the desire of your heart that your husband will serve Christ?
If it is, then you can be assured that God will honor your request.

There is so much that God wants to say to you right now.

Please take some time with him, put on the praise music, he will meet you there.

[Sirianta 0]

Hey True Flight, thank you for your reply. I agree with you I think about that we are equal. And I do still believe in the Word I received. I just get so confused because I get so many different answers.

I also disagree with the lady because that doesn't sound like the God I know. God wants us to be happy and bless us in abundance. Why would He want me to be misserable, sad and confused.
That is not the God I know. I don't agree with the fact that one has to suffer if you are a christian.
If you suffer and think "I will sufffer because it's the will of God" then you don't know who you are in Christ.
I believe He wants us to enjoy life!

I so much want my hubby to get saved!!! I've been praying for him for abou 8 years now on and off. I will continue to pray for him!! And pray that we will minister together one day!

[Cholette 0]

This is what I know Sirianta and this is the Word of God...

When a man’s ways please the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. (Proverbs 16:7)

An enemy is anyone that comes up against you and what God is telling you to do. Submit to the Lord and let Him change your husbands heart. Spiritually you cannot submit to your hubby because he's not following the Word of God...however, you are to submit to him when it comes to other things.

I know things are hard in your situation and it's going to be until your husband gives his life completely to God, but in the mean time, let your light shine. You don't have to preach to him...you don't have to share any of your dreams or the things God says to you...just live your life and let your life minister to him. He's not receptive to the things God is saying to you so don't share it.

What the lady spoke to you is wrong. It's not the way it's supposed to be. She' s missing out on God's greatness in her life. God sees your hunger and thirst for Him and He's promised to fill it. Get your game plan from Him. The times of your life is in HIS hands (Psalm 34).

You entitled this post "My ministry dream shattered"...but I don't think it is AT ALL! You were operating under the wrong information. Stay in prayer and let God lead you. You may have to go a different route because God wants the heart of your husband as well, but you will get there and you WILL NOT have to wait until your 61 years old, or later, to see it. Trust God...who is THE ONE who put the desires in your heart in the first place.

Blessings

[daphanie02 0]

I know this is a bit off the subject but have you ever heard of Knit-A-Square? http://www.knit-a-square.com It's based in South Africa and they knit or crochet all these squares together for blankets for orphan children..anyway I thought I'd ask. If I lived in South Africa..I would SOOOO volunteer there! But for now, I will be sending in my squares lol

[Proof of God 1]

When I was first born again a televagelist came to our church. He was twenty years older than I was (at least). He asked me out to lunch and since I was barely saved two months, and all the older ladies said, "He is a mature man of God, it must be God." So, I went.

After lunch I drove him to the airport and he went back to his head quarters across the country, but called me daily and sent me things from his ministry; tapes, books, etc. He asked that I send him some pictures and then he planned on sending me plane tickets so that I could meet him the next time he was ministering on this side of the country. This went on for several weeks/months. But before that meeting came he started calling me later and later and saying things that a very niave twenty year old was shocked to hear.

Around the same time, my church began to fall apart because of other leadership inquity being exposed and I thought, My worldly friends are more honest than this. At least they aren't pretending to be holy.

So I left the church for a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time. At least a decade, probably more like fifteen years. During that time I wanted to get close to God but I wasn't having anything to do with the going to church business, so I started listening to some Joyce Meyer tapes that someone had given me. I can remember listening to the first few tapes with a total attitude. I didn't trust this Joyce man (couldn't figure out if it was a man or woman) on the tapes I was hearing and I totally didn't trust any new preachers. I was totally on my guard all the time, and I probably still am.

At first when I started listening to Joyce Meyer it was with an attitude that was waiting for something about her to pick apart so that I could throw her tapes away and be done with it. But God really used her to help me. First, she wasn't a man. She was woman and at that time I really didn't trust men preachers. Then, her honesty about her own shortcomings helped me to let my guard down without even realizing I was letting my guard down. Slowly but surely I was healing toward Christianity. I definitely didn't want to be around any Christians yet, because I had lumped them all in the same category as the sinning ministers, but I wanted God .

I couldn't understand why, after listening to Joyce Meyer 24/7 for months, I still didn't feel like I did when I first was born again. I felt like there was a block between God and I, so I asked Him, "What is wrong? Why can't I get back where I was?"

He answered me immediately. It was the first time I had heard from Him in fifteen years. It was like He was waiting all this time for me to ask, and His answer was, "Unforgiveness."

I realized it was true. Up until then I didn't even realize I had a chip on my shoulder. But I was still really mad at the people who had offended me - mostly the televangelist that I felt like had defiled me with his mouth over the phone. I decided to forgive him then and there. I made the decision to let it go but I still have to work at letting it go because my feelings aren't always lined up with my decisions.

Today I am still very guarded about people, especially Christian leadership. I'm not that way on purpose. It's just a scar left over from the trauma. Through this I've learned that just because a person is leading a group of believers does not mean they are infallable. I completely understand John 2:24 and why Jesus didn't trust people because He knew what was inside men.

My outlook is now: People will fail to be perfect Christians. Understanding that in advance, I am not set up for failure. I no longer expect people to be perfect because they can't be, and I totally mean this in a healthy way. It's easier for me to love people if I expect them to have weaknesses. As a matter of fact, I tell people in advance. I'm a lousy example of a Christian but a perfect example of God's grace. Don't expect me to be any more perfect than you are. As a matter of fact, expect less of me because God uses the weak and foolish things of this world to confound the wise. I have probably more struggles than the average person and I don't mind admitting it. As Paul said, I will boast in my weaknesses that God's power would rest on me.

I've learned through this that the only person to look up to with respect and admiration is my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus. The rest of us are people like Paul:

15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.c For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Father, I pray for Sirianta that she would not be scarred by this encounter. I pray that she be delivered of any ill effects of this situation and that she be restored to her former innocent condition. I take comfort in your Goodness Lord; that you love Sirianta and would protect her from damage as the result of vile behavior. Thank You Lord that you are The Restorer and our Shelter and Strong Tower, and we can take refuge under the shadow of your wing if we would just run to You. You are Glorious Lord and I praise you that you are even now sending ministering to this situation.

In the Power of Jesus' Precious, Holy & Beautiful Name.

Amen

[Sirianta 0]

Hey guys, thank you sooooo much for all of your replies! This is what I love about this ministry, the advice is always word based and love is always present here. Thank you.

I'm gonna continue to pray for my hubby, because I know it's God's will for him to get saved. A pastor once said that God is going to bless us so much that it will be a huge surprise! He said that I'm prophetic and my hubby is a true apostle. What does it mean if someone is an apostle in todays life? This word is very dear to me because it showes me that God has a plan for my hubby! I once had a dream that my hubby was swimming is crystal clear water, but he was swimming at a very high speed. He didn't use his arms and legs, he just moved through the water at very high speed. It was a stream of water. I was flying about 2 meters over my hubby the whole time while he moved in the water. Not taking my eyes of of him. Like following him or chasing him. Could this mean that we'll minister together? It was a very supernatural experience and I know the meaning is important.

Cholette thank you for your Very wise words and advice. I always value your words and look up to you.
True flight thank you for your reply. It made me realise that what I felt inside is confirmation that I ddon't need to submit in everything.
Daphane, I will definately check out this organization you talked about, because children especially orphans are very dear to me.
Mia, thank you so much for sharing your story and thank you for the prayer. I have forgiven this pastor and it made me realise that nobody is perfect, even leaders make mistakes. I'd rather pray for him than judge him.

Love you all!!

[Deborah 0]

Sirianta--
I only have a few minutes here, but let me say you've been on my heart a lot lately! This morning when I was praying for you after I read this post, I kept hearing "Father Wound." I'm not sure what this means, but I think this older man who tried to take advantage of you parallels a deeper issue from your past. I've missed you on this site and I'm glad you're on again. --Debbie

[Sirianta 0]

Hey Debbie! I surely missed being here too!! It's just so hectic at work lately that I don't get much time to visit. You are right about what you felt because I was molested as a little girl but not by my dad but by one of my uncles. The same feelings that I had as a child came back when this pastor started flirting with me. I grew up without a dad, he was alive but my mom and dad got divorced and we didn't have much contact. Thank you for praying for me Deb, I really appreciate it.
Love ya lots sista!!

[Deborah 0]

[True Flight 0]

I don't agree with the fact that one has to suffer if you are a christian.


So true

[Sirianta 0]

I just want to testify about God's goodness. Yesterday I contacted a pastor who was with me in school to find out about a certain course I'm interested in. We don't have contact ever. He messaged me back saying that he was just lying on the couch half an hour before I contacted him and went through his message contacts. When he saw my name he got scripture as Word to give to me. 1 Pet 3:1-6!!!!!!!!! It's about wifes who has husbands who are non believers!!! I know this scripture very well. The night before I prayed to God that He should please give me an answer about the submitting part and then this happened.

The pastor explained it to me like this. I have to honour my hubby and make him feel special. I should just love him and be an example for him. By doing this he WILL be won for Christ, the Word of God says this! My hubby may also not stop me from going to church etc because he has to know that God should come first.

I am so thankfull towards God for this Word at the exact right time!!! Isn't God just soooooo amazing?!

[Sirianta 0]

Just to ad, this pastor doesn't know what is my life situation AT ALL!! God is so good

[Deborah 0]

[SisterinChrist 0]

wow sriiantsa!!! GOd is so awesome!!! He's all over you!!! PTL

[Proof of God 1]

Woohoo. PRAISE GOD!!!!

[Sirianta 0]

AMEN!!!!!!!! GOD IS GOOD ALWAYS!!!

[Proof of God 1]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE to see God work like that and I am always so excited when He does. I mean REALLY excited like a little kid who just found out they are going to Disney Land.

[Sirianta 0]

I absolutely agree Mia!!! Just shows you how much He cares for His children!! That even a small request He WILL answer! He cares for the smallest things of our hearts as well. Oh Lord, You are the joy of my life!!!

[shany 0]

I have good friends that aren't saved and that are not in church a lot, so i said to myself im going t make some friends that are firm believers. I met this guy in the wash house and we started talking about church. He was way older than i was too, but i didn't see anything wrong because he was a christian and felt like i could or should be able to trust a fellow christian. We started talking more just as friends. He started inviting me for dinner and over to his place. I didn't see anything wrong. Then one day he asked me a question on the phone that a christian man should not be asking. Before he ask me the question he asked if anyone was around me.I was kind of hurt because he was a christian and he wasn't suppose to ask me that question(a sexual question). I was really disappointed because i was happy about having a christian friend. I remember him asking me to come by his house i was like ok, but I didn't go because i was really tired. This guy called me 1 am in the morning mad at me and told me not to come around him anymore. I was like ok. He did call back a couple weeks later and apologize for his actions. I haven't spoken to him since.

I am glad for the people that God has blessed me with now! True men and women of God.

[Sirianta 0]

Amen Shany, especially people at this ministry! Great fellowship here!