Inner healing and revelation of God's love needed

[Sagtog 0]

I turned 20 on November 27th of 2010. On my birthday God promised that he will turn my life around and help me to put my both feet in his kingdom not one on the earth and one on heaven. I wanted to start my life all new and fresh and was excited until January 1st when I lost my job and after that everything started going down. I can definitely say 2011 has been the worst year of my life. I'm 21 btw. I'm full of anger towards God for everything and Holy Spirit revealed to me that I had been dealing with doubt, bitterness, shame, anger, offense and disappointment since young and I'm blaming God for everything. I just burst out and couldn't contain anymore. I hated everybody and everything about church and so I left. I haven't gone to church since June 2011. I'm going to school but don't know what to study and so many other important decisions of my life need to be chosen. I feel lost, scared, and angry. I feel like I'm in a foggy room where I can't see clearly and it's so tight and almost to the point that I can't breath when I try to pray.

I feel like I need the revelation of God's goodness and love to break off all this things. All these years I've convinced myself to believe in his goodness and love but I only automatically registered in my brain not my heart I would say.

I just need some people to pray for me and with me because I can't deal with this on my own. I do things on my own most of the times but this time I need somebody's help.

[astra 0]

Hi Sagtog,

I am sorry to hear about all these hardships you are going through, but allow me encourage you that all this is temporary and it will pass. I realise it's easier to advise to be strong and patient, than maybe do at certain stages of our lives. But that's the truth.
Remember what Psalm 23 says: verses 4 to 6 "4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." I LOVE these verses. They are so comforting!

I think all you need to do is decide where you stand with God. It's a very common mistake people make thinking that God does not care when things don't go the way we want them to go. Like lost job, financial problems, health problems etc. That's what this pressure was designed to do (by our enemy of course) - to make us think that God just couldn't care less.
God never promised that troubles won't come! He promised that He will get us out of troubles. He promised that He will be WITH US every step of the way. Would you belive Him? I certainly do! I have decided to myself no matter what is going on in my life, troubles or not, difficulties or "sunshine and butterflies" :-) I will praise Him, I will LOVE HIM I will adore Him because He is WORTHY! I don't care what is happening in my life, I will ALWAYS DELIGHT in His presence! I simply can't be any other way after getting to know Him!
Our Love for God does not depend on our life condition! Our conditions do change, He DOES NOT! Praise God! HE was an AWESOME GOD before we were born, and He stayed that way without a shadow of changes.
I've read in the devotional book I got from my church these wonderful words "When we have nothing left but God, we find that God is enough" :-) This is so true!

I hope I am not sounding too harsh! Belive me I know exactly how you feel. I've been there and I am SO GLAD I'm not in that place anymore. I promise you all your bitterness and pain will be GONE if you just spend time with the Lord, without any other agenda but to get to know Him, share your heart with Him. Tell Him about all your hurts and feelings. He CARES and He does heal! He is not an angry God. He wants to take all your hurts and pain away.

I know how it feels. When you have no one esle to turn to other than God and you think that even He does not care it's a very tough place! Full of confusion and anger. But it does not have to stay that way! He is always there. I've learned this from experience. I can tell you some amazing things, situations when He spoke to me when I did not even think He was listening or even cared, He encouraged me and I simply cannot turn back to my old ways of being angry at Him or think He does not care.

I will be praying for you and for your heart to get healed in a miraculous way! God bless you RICHLY!!!!
astra

[astra 0]

Just wanted to add one more thing. I firmly belive that no matter how great the circumstances in our lives can be, the joy from this cannot even be compared with the joy we have in the Lord!
We can have great health, all the money in the world, greatest relationships with people, and even all these combined together won't give you the depth of joy we have in the Lord even without any of these.
I also believe that even if and when we do have all the above earthly blessings, without God, we will never have true joy. The enemy will always try and put seeds of doubts in our hearts: "what if this or that is taken from you? How would you feel then?" And besides all the above things are temporary! They all pass away. So why wait till things go right in our lives? Let's start rejoicing RIGHT NOW!! Right where we are! We have the best reason for it! Our God is WITH US!!!!

[Cholette 0]

Sagtog wrote:

On my birthday God promised that he will turn my life around and help me to put my both feet in his kingdom not one on the earth and one on heaven. I wanted to start my life all new and fresh

Good Word Astra!!!

I would like to add that it's after the promise that things get tough!! Where we go wrong is that we interpret what we THINK God is doing/saying and HOW He's going to do what we THINK he's doing/saying and when it doesn't go as plan, we blame Him.

As Astra said, God never said it would be easy and that we wouldn't go through trials because it's in those trials that "your life will turn around and help you put both of your feet in His Kingdom, not one on earth and one in heaven". My Pastor was just telling us yesterday that whenever he receives a prophetic word or a promise from God, he braces himself because it's THEN that the battle begins.

Even though it doesn't feel like things are going the way you desire, it really is. Even though things are rough right now, it's all for your good. This is coming from someone (me) who has gone through 10 years of turmoil. I'm not saying you have to go through 10 years of this, but what I'm saying is that while you are in this process, buckle down and get into His Presence in prayer and in His word. God will speak to you and encourage you throughout the time. When you look back, surprisingly you will say "it was worth it". The HELL that I've gone through almost made me feel like I wasn't going to make it. There were times I thought things were beginning to look up for me and then everything crashed again. I too, lost my job. I was unemployed for a year and a half. What did I do to deserve it? Absolutely nothing. It had nothing to do with God turning His back to me, it had more to do with God providing an opportunity for him to REDEFINE Himself to me as my Source. God told me that a job was only a MEANS, but He was my Source...my Supply. When I turned to him, he caused men to give to my bosom. I made him my source and he spoke to the hearts of people and they sowed into my life. I could have kicked and screamed, but I used this to draw closer to him.

Now, I'm closer to Him then every. Don't be made at the Lord. Even if you are, His love doesn't change...it's unconditional. Rest assure that this season of your life will end, but you will come out as God promised...a new life and both of your feet in His Kingdom.

Be encouraged, for the Lord our Mighty God is with YOU!!

[Deborah 0]

Cholette and Astra make some very excellent points. Could I just add a little tiny bit more? I know what it's like to want to turn away from God, to never step into a church ever again. When I was first saved, I could spend hours and hours in the Word, hours praying, etc, but after living through some terrible things and going through a time where I didn't even know if I believed in God anymore, I took baby steps toward Him. I read from a children's illustrated Bible for awhile, like maybe a story a day. Some days I could read only one verse out of the Bible. It's okay to be honest with God. I told Him I was angry with Him for not protecting me in the way I thought I should have been protected.

I still am not back to the radical person I was when I was first saved and I feel like I'm still healing, but I CAN see light at the end of this tunnel. The darkness does end, so hold on and don't be afraid. I'm not yet getting the answers for the question "What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life, Lord?" but I do notice the the Lord leading me day by day, hour by hour and that has to be good enough for now.

[Dove-Solutions 0]

Oh amen Deborah! Angel bumps I do say! Baby steps are a great way to approach this. Just spending quiet time with him. I just pray and when I finish I just tell the Lord I am going to be quiet so he can talk to me. Sometimes I hear him and sometimes not but non the less I still try to be quiet and let him speak to me. Sometimes his speaking is in a dream, a word from a friend, the tv (little more watching that the average TV aholic but hey what can I say) and of course through the word and through prayer. I look for him in the little day to day things. You know you see someone do something they shouldn't and our first thought is why do they do that. God will gently tell me that is where I used to be or sometimes he will say.....judge not. Each situation is different here but trust him in all things. See my signature verse. Trust is not a feeling it is a decision to obey even when it hurts and even when we don't understand why. What I have learned is that when I do this faithfully, he is ever present and gives me so much peace and comfort when I need it. I am still learning to hear him and that is something we all have to work on. You will get there. Fear not, for the Lord is with you wherever you go. It is ok to get upset with the Lord...been there myself many times. He gets it believe me. He just gently pulls me back and loves on me. All will be well with you.

I pray this has been of help,

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[Daisy 0]