astra 0 Posted January 30, 2012 I was wondering if I could ask you for an advice. I have a family member - brother-in-law - that has a very dirty mouth. He not only swears, but keeps making extremely explicit and vulgar remarks constantly. I mean it's coming out of him like out of sewer. Even presence of our kids doesn't stop him. He is an older person and my husband said he's "calmed down quite a bit compared to what he was like before". But this does not help me at all. I can't stand being around him if you know what I mean. They were at our house last night for supper and I felt like I just sat in a garbage can the whole night. I don't know how to stop this. I told my husband who is very supportive to me usually, but even he does not seem to see it as a problem enough to radically do something about it. He says "What can I do?". I am thinking - "No meet with them..." The situation with them is - my husband was not speaking with them for almost 6 years prior because of his sister's (this man's wife) unkind to say the least outburst. Praise God he found enough in his heart to forgive, she apologized and everything is peaceful now and I feel like my husband does not want any confrontation with them just to keep peace. But again, I simply CAN'T take this anymore!They want to have supper with us again shortly and all I can think of is how to avoid it. This man must have some major wounds in his soul to have him behave like this. I will be lifting him up to the Lord to get his eyes opened and give us an opportunity to minister healing to him. But in the meantime what do I do? How do i escape this?I already let them know on numerous occasions that this is very offensive to me. His wife is embarrassed about his behavior but he keeps her under his thumb and is not listening to her. I have to confess that I am fighting the temptation of getting angry at my husband for putting me into this situation :-( and I don't want this! There must be an escape out of this. I pray God will show me a way out. If this is a confrontation and not ever seeing them again, so be it. I just pray that my husband won't keep it against me. I don't want any division between me and my husband for any reason whatsoever.Thank you very much for your input! God bless! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy 0 Posted January 30, 2012 Just my thoughts astra, but have you considered limiting your amount of time with being around this man. For instance, since your husband is not willing to confront this, you could ask your husband how he would feel if you choose to stay home with the kids when he goes to visit them. You could do this respectfully by saying to your husband how you understand why he might not want to confront this, b/c the fall out that took place before, but that you choose not to put yourself and your kids around this, and you hope he can understand and respect your feelings about this too. There may be times like a family reunion, that you may have to tolerate this man for short amounts of time, but even in situations like this, you can choose to go in a separate room than him, and you can also leave whenever you want if things get too heavy for you (in this case though you may have to drive separately). Just some ideas. Please pray on them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
astra 0 Posted January 30, 2012 Hi Daisy,:-( My husband already knows how I feel about this. He'll know why I don't want to go. I don't think he would hold it against me if I don't go. I can probably come up with some excuse (not the kids though because they are in their late teens now). But if I'll use it every time they invite us something is going to start as they so insist on both of us coming.I think I might have to spell it out for them, see if this works. One time I got out of the table in the middle of supper and went to the kitchen when he pulled out his laptop to look up some of his horrible slimy stuff online right in front of us. My sister in law thought I went to help her with the dishes. I said, sorry, I left because I can't stand Bill's talking about this stuff. She stopped him, but it did not last long. I mean how more clear can you be? I honestly feel that he simply can't control himself :-( The man needs serious help.I think I might have to talk to my sister-in-law and honestly explain to her why I can't come. If she thinks her husband can manage himself for the duration of supper, then I don't mind going at all. They are lovely people otherwise. I feel like I am going against God by putting myself into position when I hear this type of things. I know I am not responsible for other people's mouth but i am responsible for my ears, so I felt horrible last night. I felt like I let God down :-( And I totally hate this... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cholette 0 Posted January 31, 2012 Daisy wrote:Just my thoughts astra, but have you considered limiting your amount of time with being around this man. For instance, since your husband is not willing to confront this, you could ask your husband how he would feel if you choose to stay home with the kids when he goes to visit them. You could do this respectfully by saying to your husband how you understand why he might not want to confront this, b/c the fall out that took place before, but that you choose not to put yourself and your kids around this, and you hope he can understand and respect your feelings about this too. There may be times like a family reunion, that you may have to tolerate this man for short amounts of time, but even in situations like this, you can choose to go in a separate room than him, and you can also leave whenever you want if things get too heavy for you (in this case though you may have to drive separately). Just some ideas. Please pray on them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
astra 0 Posted January 31, 2012 I was just thinking about this all day today (could not sleep last night either). As I was worshiping tonight, the Lord helped me to see what happened. My husband said a grace before the meal and we ate and then this man opened his mouth and started saying these things. And what really has happened was mocking God. I am absolutely horrified by this. We prayed to God asking Him to bless our meal and then turned around and allowed this abominable conversation to come out of his mouth at our table like there was no God watching and being present with us. I hate myself for this. I did stop it but not right away. From now on I will not allow this to happen EVER! If they want to be a part of this, it's up to them, but I won't. My husband probably does not quite realize what is happening. I will talk to him and lay it out as it is. It's not actually just my own feelings that are hurt. These things are not tolerable aroung my God Who I worship and pray to. So I pray the Lord for forgiveness for not standing up for Him as my husband and I should. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dove-Solutions 0 Posted January 31, 2012 Astra,First off I would make no excuses. I would straight up say that it is offensive and for that reason you are not going. The other thing I would do is say (when this is going on), I break off those words in Jesus name and cover your words with the blood of Jesus! I promise you they will either quit saying them to you or will not say them in your presence. When I was working for a Company not to many years ago....people would speak word curses over me all the time. I used to stand up and say, I break off all word curses in Jesus name! When they told me I couldn't say that any more because people found it offensive, I said well what they are saying to me is offensive and if they continue I will continue also. Amazingly enough they stopped. I even put a sign in my cubicle that said, I break all word curses in Jesus name..they finally got it. LOL it only took about 6 months. God is good.Love in Jesus,Connie Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
astra 0 Posted January 31, 2012 Dove-Solutions wrote: When they told me I couldn't say that any more because people found it offensive, I said well what they are saying to me is offensive and if they continue I will continue also. Amazingly enough they stopped. - EXACTLY!!!! Awesome, Connie! HA! They think they can stick their junk into our faces and we can't say nothing back to them. Wrong!I will do that. They just sent us an e-mail inviting us over for supper again in a week, but I made up my mind and I am not going. My husband would have to go by himself. Maybe they would realize I am serious about this issue.Thanks again, Connie.God bless! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dove-Solutions 0 Posted January 31, 2012 Glad to be of help. Remember this though.....when we stand for the truth we have to be truthful ourselves and in our resolve. Pray for them also. I will be praying about this for you.Love in Jesus,Connie Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
astra 0 Posted January 31, 2012 O absolutely, Connie. I do not condemn him at all. I know he needs to be set free and I pray for God to minister His love to him so he will be whole and not hurting anymore. I absolutely believe that what is coming out of his mouth as a fountain from the wounded heart and he does not have to stay this way.Thank you so much for your prayers of agreement of faith!God bless! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dreamster 0 Posted February 1, 2012 ......... D,,, in his cubikle Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
