Friend problems...

[gracee (lionhgirl) 0]

Hi everyone, I need some advice regarding friendships.

I used to be in a friendship of 3 girls, 2 'kind of' christians and one non-christian. Me and the non-christian have been very close friends for years, ever since school. But in the last year, I really felt the pull to move away from them. I felt like they were leaving me out of their friendship and to be honest, I felt like my relationship with them was affecting me and my self esteem. I've slowly pulled away from them - and I did get council from Christians I trust. I tried to explain to her that I still wanted to be her friend and I still love her, but I couldn't see her as often. She never replied. Now she's making things incredibly difficult for me - gossiping about me to my other close Christian friends and playing the guilt trip. I don't want to play the 'he said, she said' game, so I refuse to try and defend myself to my other friends, they can think what they want. But at times I do feel guilty for having left, I know she thinks that I've been ungrateful for the times she's been there for me. I know that I've hurt her and I feel bad... I guess I just don't know what to do about this... Do i just ignore her? or should I be trying to reach out to her? Thanks in advance :)

[Cholette 0]

Well, I honestly believe that she's showing you that she's truly not your friend. Once it moved to the "gossip" level and condemning you for making a just decision to distance yourself, then she did the damage to the friendship...not you.

The one thing that I've learned (the hard way) is that most friendships are only for a season. There are those relationships where friends are growing together and things are great for years and years, but then there are those times where one is stagnant and the other is thriving and things just don't mesh. The Bible says "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" (Amos 3:3) When the Holy Spirit starts to do a work in your life, that's when you feel the draw to step away from certain relationships

Whether you reach out to her or not is between you and God. I'm not really sure it will matter since she's taken this so seriously to the point of defaming your name. The scripture I hear for you is:

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:10-12)

Ask God to give you peace regarding this situation. I think you are more hurt by what she has done to you than your decision to walk away from the relationship. I admonish you to forgive her and REJOICE, because your reward is at hand.

[gracee (lionhgirl) 0]

Thanks for replying Cholette. Thanks for those verses!

"I think you are more hurt by what she has done to you than your decision to walk away from the relationship."

Yes that's true.. I think I was naive in thinking we could go our separate ways peacefully and without offense but she is a manipulative kind of person, so looking back I'm not surprised she's reacted this way. It really does feel like a breakup! I guess it is, on a different level.

Thanks for the advice and wisdom! Sorry to hear you've had to learn this the hard way.. I hope you've been able to find good, solid Christian friends.. that's what I'm praying for.

Thanks again :) God bless.

[Delightful soul 0]

dear Lionheartedgirl,

I applaud your honesty to say that it is like a breakup. What happens when we separate ourselves from those who are toxic or who are stagnant friendships in our lives? WE cut ties. The pull you feel is a tie of some sort. So in the spirit cut it off in Jesus name and I pray you not feel the pull of those curse words she may have spoken through gossip. Sometimes in fact most times, Jesus is moving us on for a reason, sometimes it is a seasonal thing and sometimes it is cause he sees peoples hearts. Just because someone says they are kinda of a christian doesn't mean they are sold out. You have a tender heart too may I say and this means, manipulative people may try and abuse the trust you offer particularly in friendships. So guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life. Trust JEsus. Some times it is better to be in the company of one good friend than to be in the company of many half hearted ones. Truth seems to be that if your friends were truly friends they would take it from the horses mouth and not be swayed by the gossip and lies of satan through your friend.

Be strong dear friend and know that God is on your side.

[gracee (lionhgirl) 0]

Ohhh Delightful Soul you have no idea how much I needed to hear this today!! This friend has replied to my letter in anger, basically ripping me to shreds in every possible way with her words.. But I feel like that really confirms that this friendship is, like you say, 'toxic'.

Thankyou so much for your kind words, they've really helped me today

[Delightful soul 0]

wow when God moves , He really does hey!!!

Glad what I said helped. Bless you heaps