Sadness Comes and Goes

[mjtorrence 0]

For quite some time I have been feeling so sad that I have this cry in me that I just want to let out yet I cant do it in front of my husband because he is so caring that he will think he did something wrong and he did nothing wrong he is the most sweetest husband that God gave me. I am so sad at times when I think about how I was sexually abused as a child from 5 to 15 by my stepfather and by other men and how my mother physcially abused me and then how my exhusband physically,emotinally and verbally abused me and how I have these major trust issues that have spilled over into my now present marriage I have spent many years in counseling and many years and many nights praying to God to hear my prayers to heal me from this. So the other day I am at home alone and this overwhelming feeling of crying comes to me I want to cry for all the injustice that my mom did to me she is passed on now and she didnt and wouldnt at least tell me about my real father and for years I have searched for him and still cant find him but thats another story I often cant understand why me why did these people hurt me.

[Grey Butterfly 0]

Hey MJ,

This is a real sadness. This is a valid crying reason, this is a "can't be held inside without slowly killing you" cry.

Could you tell your husband that you have some tears pent up that just need to come out and that he has given you a safe place to cry and heal?

I read this after your post about the doorbell and so maybe it just seemed logical to me cos' that's the way I read them, but I believe that is why you are getting woken at night... safe time to deal with it, safe, alone with God time to cry on his shoulder.

How I wish I could give you the biggest hug! It is right to feel sadness... and heartbreak that those who should have nurtured you did not... they were the ones who should have stood between you and danger and instead they were the danger.

You have survived - and not only survived but grown up to be a decent human being with an open heart to love and a softness that must be the delight of your husband and of God.

No wonder the most delightful one is ringing your bell at 3 in the morning :o)

Oh Jesus don't give up! Keep on drawing her into your embrace, let her dam break in the safety of your arms, give her the space to be, the space to let go and meet her and meet her and meet her till she is empty of tears and shoots of new life are coming up in her spirit, wrap her in your embrace - I know it is the most comforting of places - and love her with your gentleness that leads to wonder and delight... love her till those shoots become a carpet of flowers and her face smiles with the delight that you have wrought in her soul... give her beauty for ashes and joy for mourning Lord. Be her Father, her beautiful Papa, the Papa who twirls his little girl with delight, the Papa bear whose gentle paws could kill her enemies with a swat... let MJ know the safety of your arms, let her heal there, show her where you were and how you felt about her sufferings... show her how you feel about her, show her how much you love her.

Bless you, bless you!

Diane.

[Cholette 0]

Grey Butterfly wrote:

Hey MJ,

This is a real sadness. This is a valid crying reason, this is a "can't be held inside without slowly killing you" cry.

Could you tell your husband that you have some tears pent up that just need to come out and that he has given you a safe place to cry and heal?

I read this after your post about the doorbell and so maybe it just seemed logical to me cos' that's the way I read them, but I believe that is why you are getting woken at night... safe time to deal with it, safe, alone with God time to cry on his shoulder.

How I wish I could give you the biggest hug! It is right to feel sadness... and heartbreak that those who should have nurtured you did not... they were the ones who should have stood between you and danger and instead they were the danger.

You have survived - and not only survived but grown up to be a decent human being with an open heart to love and a softness that must be the delight of your husband and of God.

No wonder the most delightful one is ringing your bell at 3 in the morning :o)

Oh Jesus don't give up! Keep on drawing her into your embrace, let her dam break in the safety of your arms, give her the space to be, the space to let go and meet her and meet her and meet her till she is empty of tears and shoots of new life are coming up in her spirit, wrap her in your embrace - I know it is the most comforting of places - and love her with your gentleness that leads to wonder and delight... love her till those shoots become a carpet of flowers and her face smiles with the delight that you have wrought in her soul... give her beauty for ashes and joy for mourning Lord. Be her Father, her beautiful Papa, the Papa who twirls his little girl with delight, the Papa bear whose gentle paws could kill her enemies with a swat... let MJ know the safety of your arms, let her heal there, show her where you were and how you felt about her sufferings... show her how you feel about her, show her how much you love her.

Bless you, bless you!


Diane.

I couldn't have said it any better Diane....BEAUTIFUL!

MJ, I often say that if feelings and emotions come from the wellspring of your soul like you are experiencing, God is healing you. Tears are good. It's the negative outbursts and other manifestations of pain that are signs that something is being suppressed. I believe God has already started your healing process so now all you have to do is answer he door when he rings again. Wow, you can see His love for you. He knew why he was ringing your doorbell before you did. God is soooooo good.

[mjtorrence 0]

Thank you Ladies for your comforting words of encouragement yet I dont wont to burden my husband with my past problems I am so understanding that yes that is why God was waking me up to spend time with me to give me the comfort that I so truly need that he can only provide me in this time thanks for lending me a ear and shoulder to lean on

[Cholette 0]

While you are in there with the Lord, ask him to show you how to communicate your feelings to your husband. Whether you know it or not, your husband already knows something isn't right because the two of you are one flesh. You never want him to think that you don't trust him with your feelings because then he will feel shut out from you...and he may not even say that he is...or may not realize that's how he feels. Trust your hunny enough where he can cry with you and feel your pain. God can use him to say just the right thing to you.

[Grey Butterfly 0]

I agree with Cholette,

Maybe you will need to cry with Jesus first... it is hard to share our deepest hurts with another. But I want to say that it is never a burden to hear the heart cry of someone you love - it is a privelege and a blessing to see deep into another persons soul. (If he has said he doesn't want to go there, that is different), but if not, give him the choice to love you through this MJ, give him the chance to be your hero. If he is the man I got a glimpse of from what you wrote, he will surprise you and probably be the catalyst for deeper healing for you.

You don't need to dwell on (or in) your past with your husband... who wants to do that!!! But opening the door and allowing him to look and then hold you while you cry, that is different.

I pray you will be hearing that doorbell again soon, I pray that the beautiful, gentle Holy Spirit will sweep clean the corners of your heart and mind and fling open your doors for the sunlight to stream in and heal you.

Bless you,

Diane

[mjtorrence 0]

Bless you all for giving me so much love in this time I will surely let my husband in and your right he already knows something is not right yet somethings need to be dealt with between God & me first then I can go to my husband after thanks ladies

[Dove-Solutions 0]

Mjtorrence,

I so can relate to your situation. I had a very similar past. Healing from this is like peeling an onion....it is done one layer at a time...the Lord will bring you through it. Hang on to Jesus and when these feelings come to you....go to him and tell him and cry on his huge shoulders. He will wipe away every tear and bring you joy in the morning.

I will be praying with you for your healing!

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[mjtorrence 0]

Thank you Connie for your words of encouragement yes it is like peeling away layers upon layers of a onion and yes I am so glad in my heart that Jesus is there for me just be glad when I can finally say I'm thru this trying time

[Dove-Solutions 0]

I understand completely. It took about 10 years for me to heal. I had a big onion to peel. Just remember, 1 layer at a time. Hang on to Jesus.....I will be praying for you.

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[mjtorrence 0]

Thank you Connie for the prayers