Is something wrong with me?

[Lara 0]

This is going to sound a bit weird but I have been alone for the greater part of my life. I haven't had a lot of friends in my life or been very popular. Even when I thought I had friends they turned out to be frenemies. When I was in high school I didn't fit in and the older I got the harder it got. Back then I compensated by trying to show how smart I was which led to people disliking me because they thought I was arrogant. I only found that out years later.

Fast forward to today and it's like I still don't have a lot of friends. I am not the life of the party. Sometimes I have social anxiety and just want to flee from social situations (this is exacerbated by the fact that I am still learning the local language). I see couples and people eating together or hanging out and I ask myself what is wrong with me? Why am I single? Why don't I have a lot of friends like other people seem to? I know that I am not the only one in the situation as it can be hard when you're trying to get settled in a country. But why is it that you pray for friends...and you get one for a time if you're lucky?

Am I cursed? Why is it that other people are good at making friends and smiling and doing all of that stuff and I'm not? I've been told that because of the calling God has on my life that I won't have a lot of friends. I think that is utter poppycock. Just because God supposedly has called you to something does that mean that you have to be lonely and can't do what other people do?

They say that God is jealous and he desires time with us but does that mean I can't have any friends or that I have to be single? Other christians have lots of friends and have romantic relationships, why can't I? Am I cursed?

Any perspective which can be brought to my rant will be greatly appreciated.

[dreamster 0]

ok ,,lets be clear,, i very much doubt ur cursed, however i wood reject the werds spoken over u which can be a curse saying u wont hav many frends, ,,,some ppl may appear 2 hav alotta frends but they may jus be shallow relationships, i wood advise you 2 treat others how u wud like 2 be treated, kindly, wiv respect, care etc, see wat intrests/hobbys u may have in commen wiv othas, hospitality is a great way 2 meet ppl, ,,remeba jon 10;10,, god isnt a spoilsport or a partypooper ,,rather the total opposite ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, d

[Cholette 0]

Hi Lara, I agree with D...you are not cursed!

The one thing that came to me is maybe you need to sit down with a Christian Counselor. I'm currently sitting down with someone once or twice a month and the things that they are anointed to see that we can't see on our own is VERY helpful.

She figured out that there were some internal things within me that could be why I've never been married before...even though I desire to be. They are things that I buried as a child from my parents dysfunctional marriage. She told me that I'm wearing it as a invisible repellant. It was a real eye opener for me.

I shared that so you can see or understand that there are things in our lives that are not normal and God sets professionals in place to help us work through things. Maybe you don't have friends because somewhere in you, you have a problem trusting others...I don't know, but a good and REAL Christian counselor can walk you through some things.

Hope this helps...

[Lara 0]

HI Cholette,
It does help. I know that I have fears about picking the wrong person and issues from my mother's own dysfunctional marriage to my stepfather. I understand what your therapist means but I don't agree 100% because there are those who came form dysfunctional situations and may have even a "visible repellant" and still get married.

So I don't think its a case of one size fits all like that's the only reason. I've done the counselling thing. At one point was addicted to counselling. I grew weary of feeling like a project. At the moment I think I am a very jaded person...I don't even trust people at church at anymore and sermons bore me. They are the same thing most of the time.

I know that sounds bad. But something happened to me recently that really cut me to the core. I have forgiven but it really impacted my ability to trust other believers because it was a christian who did the deed. It made me wary of others and their heart condition. The last time I went to church the pain from the incident surfaced. I have not been able to shake what happened no matter how I try. I don't sit and think about it, but the wound is still there beneath the surface and I don't know how trust can be restored.

[dreamster 0]

grt points c, ,,,um lara i undastand wat ur talking about, being severly hurt by a christian person, i kno how not 2 trust an all da feelings assciated,, ur wound will permeate thru ur life, i found i had 2 jus process it out like a emotional boil till the puss was gone every day id speak 4givness ova an over, not cos i feed like it , but despite mi anger,,hate,,resentment, it took time however the lord can step in an jus take it from u, i dont wanna limit him at all,

[Cholette 0]

Yes, like Dee said, its a process to get healed and you have to spend time daily with the Lord so he can help you.

The whole repellent comment from my counselor wasn't a general comment...it was an assessment for my life. I've lived my life for my church and for others, but never for myself. DOing those things I was using them as a repellent to keep myself single. Deep within me I was telling myself that if I stayed busy, then I wouldn't focus on being in a relationship because there was something in me that said I would fail, just like my parents. There is a lot in there that is coming out, but I would have NEVER figured that out on my own. I went to someone who didn't know me so they could be unbiased...and I'm glad I did.

Church or Christian hurt is the WORST KIND because we expect so much more from them, but let me say this to you...take all of your fellow Christians off of the pedestal because church is a place where hurting people go to get better. In the meantime, there is a STRONG possiblity that these very people can cut you and make you feel worse than any unsaved person. Why? because we expect more from them...but we shouldn't. It's called 'being human' and being imperfect. We've all done and said things to others that they may be living with, but we only pay attention what has been done to us.

Let God heal you because all that God has put in you for others is left untapped because you are isolating yourself...not necessarity physically, but emotionally. God put things in you for others to bring glory to HIS NAME, but as long as you are guarded, God can't be glorified. Allow God to help you let it go...the world needs what you have...and SO DO I!!!!

[Dove-Solutions 0]

I am a person with few friends myself. I have always had 1 or 2 close friends and that is about it. I have a lot of companions and people I spend some time with but to be honest I think I prefer it this way. I have always had trust issues in the past and I think I just developed a habit of being a quiet person at home and striving to be close to my family. The Lord is my best friend of course and I count on that a lot. The Lord said, "Do not worry about today or what you will wear....do I not take care of the birds and are they not adorned.....you are more valuable to me then they. Paraphrasing here but you get the meaning. Do not worry. Put God first in all you do and these things will be added unto you. His love is real and his words are truth and he will be with you forevermore....the most faithful friend a person could want or need. We are blessed.

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[Lara 0]

@Cholette: I don't put others on a pedestal necessarily..actually I feel bad sometimes for not expecting much of them anymore...it's just that certain things because you read about them in the bible you expect to experience them and when you don't you wonder what's wrong.

Sometimes I feel useless at church. I haven't found where I fit just yet and it's been years. Since I moved to this country...I've been trying to get settled as best as I can for the time I'm here. At first I went to an English speaking church and then I decided that I wanted to integrate and learn the local language better so I went to some french speaking gatherings and was invited to church by someone. I started going to the french speaking church and sometimes I feel so lost. I met a few people but I'm like what good am I to anyone if I can't really communicate at a high level...

I met some people during the summer who encouraged me with the discernment thing but I haven't seen them since (not that I've been attending church regularly...a habit I've gotten into that I simply must change but circumstances get in the way sometimes). So right now like I said before..I feel useless...I intend to try to step out and do something in the new year...but I'm nervous about it...

@Connie: Sometimes I am satisfied with this...other times I have these moments where I feel as though I'm missing out. I guess when I wrote this post...that is where I was.

[Dove-Solutions 0]

I understand. I just wanted to encourage you.

[dreamster 0]

[Proof of God 1]

D, I think your emotes are throwing her off.

[Lara 0]

LOL... I was too polite to say. It's very difficult for me to focus with so many emoticons.

[Proof of God 1]

[dreamster 0]

well Cholette seemed 2 manage welll ,,but shes had yrs of experiance, anyway posts in 3D r in ,,,

[Lara 0]

@dreamster Thanks for the advice by the way ..it was very deep and insightful (the emoticons are just for you !)

[dreamster 0]

,,,,,t u,,,,,,i wudnt hav it any otha way,