help on dealing with a stubborn friend

[mathieu1986 0]

OK here goes. I've got a friend in Christ who has had some obvious hurts from the religious church type people in his life and most of the time this is all I hear about and he gripes, bashes those types of people out all the time and + the big time TV ministers that have nice houses . he says stuff like " we aren't suppose to have this glorious life here on earth" and stuff like all those rich TV ministers should put all their money together and end world hunger" and it just seems he's always critical of a lot of people. Yet he tries to act like he isn't. Anyways my question is . what do you do with someone like that? Like he's my friend but I honestly get tired of hearing it over and over and over. And there's been times where we get into arguments and he is always the first to bring up something I've done that I've told him. And throw it in my face like a rock. I don't want to be mad at him. But at the sane time I don't want anything to do with him. Is this wrong? Thanks

[Cholette 0]

Hello!

I feel for your situation and I know what you are going through from a certain perspective. Your situation is fixable, but it will call for HONESTY. I believe that when you are friends with someone, there must be honest conversations so both parties will understand each other.

In your situation, I believe that it's up to you to draw the line in what the two of you discuss. If the only conversation that bothers you is about your friend's view on the church and ministers, then you can say that you would like to steer away from that conversation since you do not wholeheartedly agree with their position.

In friendships, we have to be gracious and merciful because we are speaking about two imperfect beings coming together and fellowshipping. You have to decipher which conversations bear fruit in you relationship and stick closer to those. If you have a person that can have a healthy debate and hear another side of a topic and it end positively, then that is even more the joy. In your situation, I believe your friend's pain is speaking volumes.

Being a person myself who has suffered Church Abuse, it can definitely skew your perspective. If you feel that you can show some mercy until you have that conversation, then show it. If your relationship is in a place where it's too one sided and they can't honor your stand on not wanting to talk about it, then you have a right to move on to bring about peace in your life.

I recently let go of a friendship I had with someone for over 25 years because I no longer had the wherewithal to handle their selfishness. I reached my limit and I realized that this person was taking from me more than they were giving. I know the season that I'm in so it requires for my spiritual tank to be filled a lot more often since I'm pouring out more in ministry.

Try talking about steering away from that topic at first and if it works, stick around...maybe you have the answer to help them through this pain they are experience. Pray for them and ask God for his heart towards them. Maybe if your perspective of the person changes, then that could be your answer as well.

I hope this helps. Blessings!!!

[dreamster 0]

yep gud points, i wud talk bluntly wiv ur frend, and say if you want to continuee the church stuff is off limits, if thats too hard for him then a breif time out is best, life is hard enuff wivout extra drama focus on wat you both agree on,

[mathieu1986 0]

I agree. But I'm talking he gets upset and angry although he acts like he doesn't but his words speak clearly enough to me. I know that there is no one perfect. He's been patient with me and I have with him. But with him its always around 80% criticize his ex and her church and them religious people. And 10-15% criticize most preachers for not having a good "doctrine". And the rest is normal conversation. I honestly am just tired of it. Cause I know that's where the conversation always goes. Then he gets mad, blows up and threatens to knock my teeth out when he takes what I say the wrong way. He has a very short fuse. Hey and there has been times where I have been in the wrong. And I'm one of those types that doesn't like confrontation. I would rather try to love everyone and see the best in them rather than criticize them. I mean don't you ever just get tired of hearing people whin about everyone else

[dreamster 0]

i think its plain do you really need this in your life rite now? you need to set a boundry, hes very hurt, put some distance between you, i wud invest your time in more fruitful relationships,

[Destine 0]

Your friend seems a little argumentative. I would point on to him that the ministers he see on TV, make their living off of their Book sales, not ministry donations. In John 10:10 God says he wants you to live a life of abundance, which means he doesn't want us struggling. How can one do ministry if they can barely take care of their family? They can't!
If things still do not get better, try to steer the conversation away from church.

[mathieu1986 0]

I agree with u destine for sure. But he was saying those ministers who profit off of God. Or basically make money off of like call in now and donate. Which I kind of agree with him. But it seemed he has a problem more so with money then anything else. He is going through a tough time and I have been supportive up until he made some insulting comments. And the thing is , is I've had dreams about him. Dreams that wasn't so good. Not like I'm a better person by any means but it seamed the dreams! Were directing me to stay away from certain situations like you guys are saying. And dumb me doesn't listen. For instince. One dream I had was where we (me and him) were running through this Forrest of trees but the ground was barrain and the trees had no leaves no life to them and on the tree branches was snakes hanging everywhere I was ducking and dodging all the snakes avoiding getting bitten. And then he got bitten on the arm and I grabbed his arm and sucked the venum out and we took off again and finally reached this huge bright glowing mansion

[Destine 0]

I understand where your coming from, it's just that not all of the ministries who ask for donations use it for personal use. But, I think we all sometimes ignore what God says. We just have to repent and keep moving forward.

[mathieu1986 0]

Yep