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Everything posted by madsod
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A man was riding on a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on, eat it all up or ... I'll have to give it to this nice man here." Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, So she said, "Come on. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later, the anxious man blurted out, "Come on, kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
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I managed to get out on the bike today (and again today)
madsod replied to Davehutch-hutchs's topic in Pics & vids of Bikes
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A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 163 Everard Way?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that road. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.' The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Good idea,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says 'Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time..' The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?' The farmer said, Struth lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?' The old lady replied, 'Well you could put the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'
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earth tremor here in leicestershire
madsod replied to Davehutch-hutchs's topic in The Pub "Tinker and Budget"
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"If you knew a woman who was pregnant, Who had 8 kids already, Three who were deaf, Two who were blind, One mentally retarded, And she had syphilis, Would you recommend that she have an abortion? Read the next question before looking at the response for this one. Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.. Here are the facts about the three candidates. Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes And drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day. Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, Sleeps until noon, Used opium in college And drinks a quart of whiskey every evening. Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero, He's a vegetarian, Doesn't smoke, Drinks an occasional beer And never committed adultery. Which of these candidates would be our choice? Decide first .. No peeking, and then scroll down for the response. Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt. Candidate B is Winston Churchill. Candidate C is Adolph Hitler. And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven. Pretty interesting isn't it? Remember: Amateurs ... Built the ark. Professionals ... Built the Titanic _________________
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The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Don't try this at home ;maybe at work.) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.. (Honey, I'm home . What the...?) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm.......) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig
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good cheap charger !!
madsod replied to Davehutch-hutchs's topic in Advice on Repairing and maintaining your bike
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