karlo

Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke this morning with a huge correction. My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary. My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta's, his little face lit up when he tried to walk.. Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage. I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders. All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!' Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready! Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'what would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please' She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!' Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, so I've named him Leicester. I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!' Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!' Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.

I blame old age at least that's my excuse and I'm sure as hell sticking with it

Not really mate, managed to hold the bike up with me foot lol, just a very slight bit on front of the can and mushroom hardly noticeable and a banged knee. Oh and a tremendously huge piece of pride, first time in 21 years of road riding, what a plonker

Yeah guess which Prat forgot his disc lock

Keep your eyes out for those f'$$^%^%EW$$£^W% car park inspectors though.

? 07489652931

ok m8 how will we recognise you ? are you still coming Dan ? You can't miss me I'll carry a newspaper and wear a red carnation in my lapel!

I'll be in the car park at the tea hut for 9am.

oooh bizziie lizzie's

Not sure yet watching the weather, may do a early morning cuppa in Matlock.

Cable tied around the bar riser on the Fazer

Speeding - The limits All UK forces abide by national guidelines regarding the speed thresholds for enforcement. These figures are published by Hertfordshire Police, but certainly South Wales and other local forces comply with the same, even if they don't openly circulate the fact. The threshold for all enforcement is 10% + 2mph. Then up to 10% + 9mph gets you a National Speed Awareness Course. Up to 10% + 21mph means a Fixed Penalty Notice (or RIDE where available). 10% + 22mph and over earns you a trip to the magistrates (Report For Summons). 30mph limit >> 35 - 42 = NSAC, 43 - 54 = FPN, 55+ = RFS 40mph limit >> 46 - 53 = NSAC, 54 - 64 = FPN, 65+ = RFS 50mph limit >> 57 - 64 = NSAC, 65 - 74 = FPN, 75+ = RFS 60mph limit >> 68 - 75 = NSAC, 76 - 84 = FPN, 85+ = RFS 70mph limit >> 79 - 86 = NSAC, 87 - 94 = FPN, 95+ = RFS http://www.advancedbikerblog.com/search/label/SPEED%20LIMITS%20IN%20THE%20EU%20-%20EUROPE

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he spots a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship". The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat". The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft". Then, out of the surf emerges a gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wetsuit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!" he says. She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! That is good!" Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!" Then she starts unzipping this long zip that runs down the front of her wetsuit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?" And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a motorcycle in there!"

1 I tend to use a fair bit on the bike is the W***** sign

"LOUD" pipes save lives.

Quite cheap on ebay Dave 36mm Socket

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=278557128828504 Planned route from Swadlincote to Matlock or Glossop to Matlock OTG: £5 entry Southern start Civic Car Park, Swadlincote, Registration from 9am Northern start from Municipal Building, Victoria Street, Glossop, Registration from 9am Official start 11:00am The timetable and route for the Swadlincote run are... At 11am Depart from Swadlincote and head up Swadlincote Road to the Clock Island in Woodville A514/A511. Continue along the A514 into Hartshorne then on to Repton and on to the A38. Then on to Derby, turning left on the A6 to Duffield before heading to Wirksworth, Cromford, Matlock Bath and then Matlock, finishing at County Hall. To raise funds for The Royal British Legion Pat Murray (Southern) 01283 219637 or Jean Wharmby (Northern) email: pat.murray@south-derbys.gov.uk or jean.wharmby@derbyshire.gov.uk You don't have to be a rider to take part, you can come along and the guys off... Meet them in Matlock or to them on route

\ Hey karlo was up your way last week installing a water atomizing system for the dry ski centre I'd have come say hello if I'd have known.

Cor takes me back a few years first bike after passing my test.

Fazer, Got a Gen1, Love it and It's been Ivanised (Full Monty) yesterday so it's now pushing a minimum of 135bhp at the rear wheel. Grin factor .....Oh Yes!

FZS1000 Fazer in the UK FZ1 for some strange reason in other country's?

Me and my trusty Fazer M1 southbound from Donington Services. Inside lane next to Dave the loonatic waving