Hot and cold

[GoldenEagle 0]

I've found a man who blows hot and cold. he comes from a very, very troubled background and has problems with intimacy. Sometimes we are so close and sometimes he won't answer my calls... am I beign a sad, deluded female? Should I move on? I really respect hima nd his values but sometimes he is very difficult - he's got so many defense mechanisms that sometimes I feel like I'm walking across a firing range.

[True Flight 0]

Are you equipped to deal with it long turn (if it never changed) ?

My wife is like that, and it can be tuff at times, but I was older and wiser when I married her.
It can be very hard at times.

He will not change because you love him or will it, only God can do that.

If it is itamacy you desire and he cant give it, why would you even think twice about it.

[Cholette 0]

WHOA!!!!!! Good word TrueFlight...I ditto EVERYTHING you said!!

[GoldenEagle 0]

Ture Flight, I know I have a minimal acquaintance with you, only ever having reada few lines you've written on the Internet, but I think it's entirely possible that you are one of the wisest people I've ever met.

[GoldenEagle 0]

Oh, and you're picture is a ginger cat which means you have taste and discretion aswell, lol.

[True Flight 0]

GoldenEagle wrote:

Ture Flight, I know I have a minimal acquaintance with you, only ever having reada few lines you've written on the Internet, but I think it's entirely possible that you are one of the wisest people I've ever met.

Thats very humbling, but people allways give me the answer. I just state it a diffrent way.
You answerd your own question just by asking the question.
All I did was listen and say what you allready knew.

But Thanks for the compliment

[dreamster 0]

ugh,,sweety,,um is he a depressed person?? kood he be bypola??? ,,um i dont think ur sad or deluded,,every person wants love an 2 be loved ,,its a fundamental human need,,he may hav his moments of greatness but ova all sounds hard work,, D

[GoldenEagle 0]

Yes, dreamster, he has severe depression which he's been treated for but it recurrs quite alot.

[newleaf 0]

Just my opinion-
RUN from this!

[dreamster 0]

ditto....

[GoldenEagle 0]

See, I find it easier to run TO somethign than from somethign, and pathetic thouigh it may be as I approach my mid thirties I just can't help wondering if I'll ever meet anybody, for wand of a better word, normal.

[dreamster 0]

ok i get u,,

[newleaf 0]

Your happiness in the future is at stake here
There are "dealbreakers" in dating relationships
*abuse- verbal/emotional
*drugs/alcohol/addictions
*mental illness including depression
*unloving behavior
If he is like this when you are dating and he is on his best behavior -what will he be llike when he isnt trying so hard?
How does he reconcile that with his faith?

[GoldenEagle 0]

I don't think you can discriminate on the grounds of depression - statistically one in for of us will get depression at some point in our lives, and since both his parents have just died depression is a given! I myself have been treated for depression due to a longstanding painful condition and the death of my father. I think it's quite cold to reject some-one on the grounds of an illness which is no differenmt to having diabetes or asthma - it's a condition. I have worked in the field of mental health and I feel very strongly that it is totally misunderstood - just because some-one has depression it does not make them a danger or an emotional drain. I live with my mother who has had severe depression ever since my father died suddenly, and I don 't feel that being close to people with depression has harmed me in any way.

However, I totally get you on the unloving behaviour thing - of soem-one is hurting you, why stay around to be hurt?

[newleaf 0]

I once dated someone with bipolar depression whom I met in church and unlike diabetes which would not affect you -depression does affect how that person relates to you and it was a major mistake!

My husband also gets depressed and it is not fun to live with!

Just my opinion from a bad experience!