I attract mistreatment and abuse somehow.

[+<>< 0]

Today I talked with another christian I've known for awhile, and he said that there is something in my presence that attracts people to generally mistreat me. I believe that I'm shy and reserved when communicating with someone in person, and my self-confidence is pretty low. Yet I've been tramped on most of my life, so I just consistently endured it because fighting back never made it stop anyway. Besides, I chose to be very modest because I wanted to be nice instead of hurtful in telling anyone off. Does this mean I should draw people in to hurt me, or else treat me like I have a lesser value as a human being? I certainly don't believe so.

I want to stop this in my life now because I'm recently starting to become upset that many people treat me like this when I express personal views about my faith they don't agree with or when I tell them I disagree with something they believe in as fact. It seems to me that people close to me are trying to control my beliefs about God and the supernatural by not treating me with respect after I tell them I don't believe exactly the same as they do. They may do things like make excuses that they're too busy to talk to me and have to go (basically evade me somehow) or just mock what I tell them. How should I manage this?

[hind'sfeet 1]

I've had few experiences like that because of my faith, but I did use to be mistreated in general. I think I get the most persecution from my bio dad and my husband.

When I finally got angry about it in highschool and started using the word NO, it came to the point after several years that I easily tell people off, and I'm not nice about it either. Don't fall into the opposite of what you are like now, it's just as bad.
Other than that I have no idea.
Jesus said that we should be glad when we are persecuted for our faith. You should look up the verse in biblegateway.com

[mjtorrence 0]

I know exactly how you feel I at one time felt the same way, and at times if I don't catch myself I do tend to attract users and abusers either verbally or mentally, yet when I have tried to stand up for myself I am always told that I am too mean, I don't think I am a mean person, I am just as fed up as you are about how people can think they can treat others

[Cholette 0]

What I think is that you've been treated this way for so long, you expect to be treated this way. Not only that, you have adopted the fact that you DESERVE to feel this way. People will walk over you when you allow them to.

The fact of not speaking up most likely gives off a sense that you are weak (that doesn't mean that you are). There IS a way of getting your point across confidently without being rude and mean. The way that happens is being secure with who YOU are. Mistreatment and Abuse sends messages to your soul and you BECOME how people treat you.

When you understand that you house the very deity of God and that you ARE a temple...a HOLY temple...you will talk, walk and act like that. It will send a different message to the people who are around you. We know in our heads that we are the temple of the Holy Spirit, but to get it in our hearts and TRULY connect with the fact that you house a SUPREME God, people will treat you differently because you will SEE yourself differently.

I used to be shy and quiet as a teenager. I wasn't a doormat, but I was just quiet. When I came into the church and began understanding my purpose in God and who I was, I changed. I didn't try to change, it just happened. If I can say so myself, I am nice person, but when I'm passionate about something, I stand my ground...not in a mean way, but the person or people I'm communicating with get the message and there is no strife.

Find out and UNDERSTAND who you are in Christ. The Word has a way of changing you and you begin to give off the scent of confidence and people treat you accordingly. There is NOTHING wrong with you...you just need some tweeking to understand who you are...that's all!

[Nyagali 0]

Amen Cholette! We are a child of the King Himself! He adopted us, He made us co-heirs, seated us with Him, loves us (number one!)....and SO much more. Know who you are (in Jesus Christ) and you will live that way without a thought of trying. Jesus does it all in you from the inside out.
Blessings.
Joy

[+<>< 0]

Thank-you everyone for your insight on this; I have to see myself as having a greater value with God being present in my life.

One of the ways that people have hurt me before which still bothers me was what happened when I tried seeking advice and prayer from another christian man from out-of-state. I met him on a different forum website pertaining to divine healing, and he said he wouldn't mind calling me. It was during the first call that he 'admitted' to me before I said anything intimate about myself that he used to watch "hard-core" porn on YouTube. I didn't know back then that no one is allowed to post such material there, but I think someone who works with technology and security systems such as himself must have known this unless possibly these images were on YouTube at one time before being totally removed. I fell for his false honesty, as I believe that's what it really was, and afterward told him personal things about myself because I mistakenly thought I had to confess such things [that I really didn't know whether or not were sinful/wrong] in order to be forgiven and physically healed by God. We continued to communicate over the next seven or eight months, and his prayers for me weren't going anywhere or resulting in any positive changes. I also noticed multiple times that he was starting to evade me when I'd mention my opinions on his beliefs; he might say that he's busy and has to go/leave while on chat or during a call if I explained my disagreement with any of his thoughts for example. He was in with others who eventually ganged-up on me and had the main moderator bash me although not ban me. (Keep in mind that I didn't tell anyone else on that site anything personal about myself before I talked with this man on the phone except for my age at the time, which I think was nineteen, my physical infirmities with the durations I've had them, and how unworthy of God's help I felt then.)

What exactly happened then and why? I think it's obvious, but is there something else I'm missing? I believed I could go to these people for help during a time in my life when I didn't think I could go to anyone else. (I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer in 2009, I didn't think I could talk to my father, and I have no siblings and no close friends my age.) They seemed like that nicest people you could ever meet when you first talk with them-the man I talked to on the phone even told me I was "a beautiful person." I never had an experience with guys like this one before, and I wasn't expecting this at all. Furthermore, the man who trashed me finally who was also the main moderator on that site didn't post hardly anything at all while I was there until the time he decided to get me and afterward, and another man I talked to in chat never participated in the tele-conference calls which I did unless he never spoke up and maybe did after I quit taking part in them.

How do I forgive these people now when they believe their treatment of me was right? In fact, I think these people feel that everything they do is right even though they're now trying to hide things by using coded words [that have number and other sybols substituting letters] in their current posts and by not saying as much or just mainly quoting scriptures.

[Dove-Solutions 0]

~Hi,

Forgiveness is a conscious choice to give it to God and let the feeling go with it. For me I had to give it to God at times 1 moment at a time. There are some people with more severe cases than others but in the end forgiveness is the same it is just difficult for some people. The Lord said that we are to forgive to be forgiven. In other words he cannot forgive us if we do not forgive others. I just ask the Lord to take away all the pain and the bad feelings and lift them up to the Lord and lay them at his feet. Then I say Lord for today I made a choice today to forgive xxxxx for doing this to me. I pray blessings over them in all phases of their life. Then every time that person comes to mind and I feel angry I have to say Lord, I made a decision to forgive them and then I tell the thought to shut up.....cuz we know who is interjecting the thought. Hang in there. Each day gets a little easier.

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[Nyagali 0]

Let me share with you how God has dealt with forgiveness in my own life. For me it has all hinged on the Truth of "you shall know the Truth and The Truth shall set you free". I spent many years with my husband doing drugs. He was an addict and along with that comes the baggage. We all have our own baggage and our own stories but the fundamental issues like forgiveness or neglect or pain are in a sense the same. Different stories, same issues. What the Lord shared with me was that I do not have the capapibility within myself to forgive. Jesus suffered and went to the cross and didn't do one single little tiny thing wrong--yet was a human like us. He depended on the Father for his life and every step he heard the Father speak to him. We experience wrong done to us by someone, as Jesus also experienced, yet, without sin. But most often we crumble and are offended until God takes our lives and shows us who is in control.

How did Jesus let it go? How do we let it go? I tried and tried for a time to let the pain and hurts go, to forgive. I couldn't. I tried to do the right things, say the right prayers, read the word, hoping by doing the right things God would miraculously then do his part. But I knew deep inside that I couldn't forgive my husband for some things that had happened. I found out that isn't how he works in my life. Turning to God only lasted so long, then my junk started to come back up again...it was a cycle and it went on for years until one day I said, "enough of this!!" You see, this is where Jesus has to get us. A place where we come to where we recognize that we can do NOTHING without Him. Our weakness is his strength. How on earth can we get to this point without coming to see our weakness? God doesn't want us strong. We can't get there ourselves. He does it, or gets us to this point in life, by the difficult circumstances that come into our lives.

Sorry, I don't know your name, but you have obviously had some doozies given to you! Hurt passes down from your parents, from these gentlemen, from lies and abuse, and here it is sitting on your shoulders. All I can say is get to KNOW THE TRUTH (that is simply Jesus, he is THE way, THE truth and THE life.) Somehow as he becomes more and more of your very fiber of life, how you think, what you think, where you turn in trouble......the hurt and bitterness and pain wash away. There is no formula I can offer. I'd love to have one. I've found all my answers simply in knowing The Truth--not just experiencing Jesus but KNOWING that I AM experiencing Jesus. Did you hear that?

So for starters--look at the truth in your own situation. This man fooled you, abused your trust, ganged up on you with his buddies. That is the truth. You can't expect forgiveness from them if they see no wrong in what they did. That is also the truth. The truth is also that you can't forgive. That is the truth in the place you are before God. Be as honest as you can in your heart before God, he sees it all anyway. Keep talking this over with Jesus and he will take you through deeper and deeper until you find your heart changed. No formula, just listen to Jesus and he will heal your heart. Do YOU have to forgive them? I personally don't think so. That is what Jesus does. You can let them go and carry on. Jesus has promised, as the Word says, that HE will deal with those who hurt us. I think he can and will do a much better job than we can.

Blessings to you. I pray you find some good friends that know Jesus and don't have all this baggage that these people have passed on. The truth also is that you can throw out baggage and garbage. God will take it and recycle it and do what He does with it. That isn't our concern. Move forward IN JESUS. "Putting the past behind" is only successful if you know God is taking care of it. When we think we have a part in it or a responsibility to have our part, then we are deceived and listening to the wrong teaching.

Let me leave you with Colossians 1:14. In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins: Stop after you read the first 2 words. If you do not understand the the rest of the verse hindges on those 2 words, you will misunderstand this verse so easily!

Your sister,
Joy

[Proof of God 1]

I didn't read all of the replies, just your original post. I wanted to reply to the part about when you are talking to people about things that they don't want to hear/believe, etc.

One day I started to tell someone about a dream that I had and I heard the Holy Spirit say, Cast not thy pearls before swine.

Just prior to this I had asked God what that scripture meant. This was his answer.

The pearl was my dream. The swine was the person that I was about to tell.

The scripture goes on to say, lest they turn and rend (hurt) you and trample your pearls under foot.

I've learned that I can't share spiritual things willy nilly. I need to be led of the spirit or it usually ends in frustration and disaster. That was one of the reasons that I created the dream groups and forums. Because people like me, who have this spiritual stuff happening in their lives, and have nobody close to them to share it with, get frustrated and feel cut off and suffocated because they have all of this in them that they can't get out.

So, if it helps, come talk to all of us about the stuff that you are getting rebuked about from others.

Love,
Mia

[Cholette 0]

Thanks Mia...there isn't another site like this out there. I appreciate you for the vision and obeying the Lord!!

[Proof of God 1]

Cholette,

I am SO glad that this is home for other people like me, like you. I so totally know what it is like to feel all alone in this with nobody to understand us.

Love,
mia

[+<>< 0]

I sincerely appreciate all helpful advice given here. I still feel emotional pain from what these men did to me, but I have to choose to not let this pain control my spirit's path; I can't let it tear me away from God or devaluize myself. In fact, this may have been a good experience for me because I learned not to reveal everything in my heart to others (or else not right away) because of the risk of causing offense. I opened myself up to these people because I was hoping they could confirm for me whether or not things in my life (including my feelings about Jesus) were alright with God since I was unsure of this at the time. I achnowledge that I really need confidence now more than ever, but I also learned to let God be pretty much the Only One Who gives it to me because I can't always know whether or not people really know God or what's right concerning different situations. I think it's a matter of relying on Jesus to help me to fully know Him before I can be confident in myself or others (depending on how much their beliefs/hearts match-up with His). Thanks so much for this enlightenment!


I have already revealed some personal things about my heart on this forum, but hopefully it's understandable that I'm a little wary after what happened to me on the other I used to go to. Actually, I expressed more about myself here than I did before on the other site. I guess they were more sensitive on that forum, or else they just wanted rid of me. However, another thing I learned is that I must respect others' sensitivities and weaknesses. But what if I don't initially know what they are, especially when first getting to know someone? Besides, I thought those people would be able to take it without being offended.

[Cholette 0]

When you mature more in the word, discernment comes with that. You may not always know what the next person will think or say, but you definately will know when to share and not to share. I remember reading something that a minister said...she said "go to the throne before going to the phone". The phone can be any line of communication that we use to tell others our problems. We should be going to the Throne FIRST!

I've learned this over the years and it has helped me. If something is bothering me, I go to God now and each time he touches me in a way where it doesn't bother me anymore. When I was going to the phone and telling close friends my issues, those feelings didn't leave like that...sometimes they became worse because they began filling me with their opinions.

You don't need other people to validate things to you. You will learn this as you get older. Most people don't get it anyway and they will give you advice based on THEIR life, which most times is out of control anyway. The Bible says we will know a person by the fruit that they bear. Check the fruit...and if you don't know their fruit, then don't say a word, unless God is leading you to.

Be blessed...

[hind'sfeet 1]

Mia, I discovered the same exact thing!
"One day I started to tell someone about a dream that I had and I heard the Holy Spirit say, Cast not thy pearls before swine.

Just prior to this I had asked God what that scripture meant. This was his answer.

The pearl was my dream. The swine was the person that I was about to tell.

The scripture goes on to say, lest they turn and rend (hurt) you and trample your pearls under foot."

I also discovered that prayers are the same way. I can't even ask those people that I discovered that they don't believe God speaks regularly to us through dreams, to pray for my prayer requests because they don't believe God will do it even if it's not a selfish prayer, but a prayer of need and desperation. They judge FOR God what prayers He Will or Will not answer.

[Proof of God 1]

lol Isn't that a crying shame!

[hind'sfeet 1]

It Sure IS!! They miss out on so much and don't even realize :(

[+<>< 0]

I had a falling-out with the pastor of my church this past Sunday. We have practically opposite views on divine healing and God's character. He thinks it's not always God's will to heal everyone, but I think it's one of the provisions available to all believers through Jesus' end-life suffering and death. I believe God responds according to the individual's faith in Him. This man thinks God kills, injures, and sickens people today, but I believe it's not God's will for anyone to perish in the sense of Him wanting to wreak havoc like that. Someone else once told me that it was really the intense access to God's power/presence in the Church's beginning stages along with abusing it by offering profane fire in the O.T. for example, not God just wanting to kill people because He was angry at their disobedience. The only time He actually killed-off large numbers of people was the flood incident because the human race became perverted by angelic 'D.N.A.' My pastor also debased me for not having knowledge because I haven't yet attended college. I told him that I'm not interested in any of that right now because I'd otherwise be spending money that I don't have at the moment because I'm not currently working, as is also my father after a car wreck injury to his upper back, shoulders, and arms. I'm now searching for work, but I'm honestly not interested in taking any courses right now because I'm not sure what I want to do yet besides start working a job somewhere. Me not wanting to go back to school (and I did graduate for senior high) doesn't mean I'm not knowledgable or otherwise don't have much of a value as a person.

I felt that my pastor was actually targeting me to feel better about himself and his own kids, even though one of them is an atheist. I haven't ever felt that I was accepted for myself at that church, and this event confirmed these suspicions. I told him that he doesn't have a right to tell me how to believe in God and live my own life. This was probably the first time in my life when I stood my own ground against someone else who wasn't treating me right in person.

My question now, though, is should I go back to that church? What if he targets me in his sermons because it boosts his ego? I don't want to go there to be criticized every week.

[Proof of God 1]

My criteria for a church is a place that I feel the Love of God through the people and where I feel God's manifest presence. I expect to leave church with a charge to my spirit that I can only get from the presence of God.

Being a Christian is about walking in love and exuding love, no matter what. Doctrine doesn't matter. Walking in love is ALL that matters. If we didn't know any other thing on our religious planet other than how to love one another, we'd be right on target.

[Cholette 0]

Amen Mia!!! AMEN!!!

[Proof of God 1]