My friend that just commited suicide.

[steadygaze 0]

Hi beloved friends of God.

I tell you it has been such a heavy and weary walk for me. I am thinking about seeking grief counseling.

My friend Keri Miller who was like my kid, I mentored her and loved on her in the Lord. Keri took her life August 14, 2011.

Keri FB me and told me she was not doing well and gave me her number to call her because she changed her number. I told her I would call her when I was done with this project I was doing,and now it is toooo LATE!! Crying or Very sad

I have been dealing with all kinds of emotions. I at first felt guilt but knew no matter what she had her mind made up not to live. She struggled just with life etc. Keri was only 36 years old and had so much to live for. She worked at a Pshyc ward and was going to school to become an RN and this was her last year of school.. She had a heart to help others ect.

emotionally it has been this roller coaster one min I am angry the next it feels distant, then I am okay then I am teary. I have a church that does not give you time to grieve and they think what is wrong with you, you should not feel this much. ect. I want to run away for awhile by myself.

I lost another best friend back in August 22, 1993. we had our Birthday a day apart so we would celebrate it together. She called me the night before her death telling me she was getting a divorce and I was concerned and asked if I could come over and be with her. She told me, no, and that she was fine and she sounded to fine to me. Early the next morning they found her hanging in her bathroom. I was devastated and carried so much guilt I did not know the Lord then and I wanted to even take my life. It was the worst pain ever.

It is strange how both of my close friends took their life in August.

On May 6, 2005 my brother was murdered and they never found his killer I did not even think I would make it through that one it was as if half of me died. One week after my brothers death my mentor was killed in a head on car crash. May, 12, 2005. When I was a 15 my best friend and I ran away with, was raped and murdered. The list goes on and on of people close to me dying tragically. I have prayed that the Lord would break off tragic shock and loss off my life, and memory. I have had prayer but I do not think I worked through the grief cause it all comes up with this tragic loss of my little friendie and spiritual child.

Please pray for me in this time. I am getting ready to go to India and I feel all over the place not sure what the heck is happening to me. I do not go to India until November. So I just need counseling or something.

It is hard to walk through this because you feel what you are feeling is wrong.

Do you know of any good forums or grief places I can go to?

Thanks so much.

[Genevieve 0]

Steadygaze, I'm so sorry. Nothing I say can make you feel better so I will just pray. I'll be thinking and praying for you xxxx

[Deborah 0]

Steadygaze may I say this to you? THESE DEATHS ARE NOT YOUR FAULT! I have a sister who commited suicide so I know a little of what you're feeling. With my sister what it boiled down to for me was this: SHE made the choice. As an adult, she was responsible for her own choices. We are to help bear one another burdens, but the burden Jesus asks us to carry is light. Maybe you weren't there for Keri and your friend once but how about all the times you were?

[hind'sfeet 1]

Father I ask that you give our friend Steadygaze peace. Calm her heart and let her rest. I ask you to take any burden of false guilt that she is carrying and replace it with Your love. Please provide her with someone who is wise in You that she can talk to.
Father, you let her go through all this pain and suffering for reasons that you have not revealed yet. I ask that you bless her like you blessed Job. I ask that you bless those that hear her stories with salvation and healing.
Father, give her strength for today and brighten her day with Your "I Love You" blessings in that wonderful way that You do.
Thank you Father for my sister in Christ, Steadygaze. In the Holy name of Jesus Messiah, Amen

[Cloud 0]

bumping


this was touching and needs more prayer