First things, first. Take a deep breath. Pray that God gives you peace. Youneed that when bad things happen. Right now, you may think life sucks. It doesn't. Anyways, somehow, I fell I can sympathize with you. You feel heavily burdened, confused about what to do, frustrated, angered, misunderstood, mistreated, mournful, and alone. Believe me, you are never alone. You are not even alone in your house. God is always with you. Just ask for his presence. pray that God knocks some sense into.your church leaders. If they are still terrible, then join a different church. Even if you have responsibility, you should go. It's your responsibility as God's follower to find a church that helps you grow in the things of God. Have some space between you and your bf. Tell him that, although you have feelings for him, you don't want to get that serious. Also, if you.need someone to talk to, talk to Jesus. I know you want someone physically here, but you should avoid temptation by not pouring your heart to the guy. you are with. Also, tell him that you feel guilty after almost having sex and to respect your desicion. And pray that God will protect you and to help you cope with your father's death. God loves you!