Grey Butterfly

I wrote that last post just before I went to bed... and I prayed for you last thing... and then:

Last night I dreamed of finding scads of razor blades under my seat in a kind of bus. I pulled them all out along with some junk... just paper rubbish. I woke up and wrote the dream down - I had no idea what it was about and I focussed more on the odd transport [it was small, like a golf buggy only longer and with the seats running lengthwise down each side] In this kind of transport the drivers are required to sound like a recording [I don't know if you have recordings in your trains that tell you which stop you are approaching and where you are going all the time... but the drivers are required to do that - in this funny dream land] but the "robotic" driver was very nice when I told him about the razor blades... he still talked kind of robot-ish, but he stopped for me and was kind and wanted to help.

So, this morning after I ate breakfast, I thought of you and prayed for you... that was when I began to think that perhaps I had dreamed my dream about/for you... because:

A 14 year old girl I know put the razors under the seat in my dream... the girl in my dream was [I now believe] symbolic for you.

The robotic driver and the small bus thingy makes me think of your small church pastor... the traditional one. [I don't know him at all... but perhaps, even though he seems unapproachable, he would end up being kind?]

Jasmine i care about you very much... I will continue to pray for you. Please stop cutting again??? You know you can do it.

Bless you dear one!

Diane

It is hard to give up something that feeds something that so strong and that feels so important. I will pray for you Jasmine :o)

You need help with this one though... and it's ok to ask for it... everyone needs help sometimes.

He loves you heaps xxx

Thanks Mark :o) I have no idea what time it is there is Wisconsin probably the middle of the night since it is afternoon here... hope you sleep well :o)

I hadn't thought of the cats being two people... will have to give that some thought.

I have been thinking about Nanna all day today, asking myself who was she really? I was 17 when she died, and she was just Nanna. I don't know that it is even important for this dream... What I do know is that she could not have resisted a stray cat or a stray person... that seems to resonate with the dream, because there was no question in me that i would take care of the cats.

I know too that she loved me. I felt bad that I hadn't seen her for 6 months when she died. I was busy with a new relationship (my husband) and just didn't have time for her. In my thinking today i have realised that if I had gone to see her she would have scolded me yes, but then she would have forgiven me and loved me. That has been good to see after such a long time. :o)

Anyway, thanks... I will pray about this some more, especially the John 10 verse.

Blessings to you

Diane

Hi,

I dreamed we bought my Nannas house. (IRL She has been gone for 27 years now, and the house was sold when she died.)

I was standing at the bottom of the path that leads from the back gate to the house (the way we always went in) and my Aunts cat "Em" walked towards me... (this cat would be long dead too) I called to it by name so it would not run from me, and cuddled it and knew I would care for it now... another cat came down the path behind me - I knew it's name too and would also care for it. (IRL Nanna and my aunts lived in this house and had several cats)

There was more to this dream, we took Nanna out to a restaurant and I ended up making cups of tea for us after our meal cos' the owner wanted to close up the shop... he said I could have the key so I could put the cups back (they were beautiful cups, colourful)

My question is why dream of my Nanna now??? My aunt sometimes turns up in my dreams, but not my Nanna... even when I have dreamed of her house, she is not there.

Do you think that buying her house and taking care of the cats - is symbolic of taking on something? Something of hers perhaps? I don't know what that something could possibly be... so even if it does mean that, I'm still in the dark - LOL.

Thanks :o)

Diane

Hey Jas,

My response is very late.... I wanted to reply anyway cos'
I can't get over how proud I feel of the fact you stopped cutting. In all the conversation above, that was the thing that I kept coming back to... and, you fasted for a day and a half when you were sick [on medication for gastroenteritis or an ulcer and your knee went and you were so sick they sent you home from school] You are one determined to get back with God girl!!!

Let me ask you Jasmine... if you had a small sister and she had messed up. You were watching out for her and praying and hoping that she would turn around and smile again because you love her sooooo much and her smile just melts your heart, and then, if she came to you with tears in her eyes and held out her arms for you would you reject her? Would you not snaffle her up and bawl your eyes out for the joy of having her turn to you? And when she had made progress, she was still suffering terribly from depression but she was not cutting anymore... would you slap her? would you tell her "I don't care if you are sick and have homework..."

If you would not... how much more God!!!

Oh Jasmine - HOW HE LOVES YOU!

He sees you in white robes of the deepest righteousness, glowing, pure and lovely, he sees you as though you had never ever sinned. All of the spiritual realm see you as his daughter [I believe it is visible to those who live in that realm] even Satan can see what you cannot... that is why he pours bile over you...

You have nothing to make up with God.

You have no ground to travel to Him.

Just hold up your arms and believe you rest on his lap... for that is truth.

Will that change your earthly circumstances? Probably not. But you are not a sinful/weak/broken girl in your circumstances... you are the Holy and set apart daughter of the King of kings deliberately placed in the dark so she can shine brightly. You are where you are for a purpose, you are strong and determined, just look at what you have done! But..... You don't need to prove anything to God, as the others said, you don't live under the law and he loves you to bits, he is your cheer squad and he can't stop looking at you... you just need to move on from this point with a new perspective.

Jesus, I want to pray for my little sister, she is 14 and she has been through so much! I ask for strength, I know she has strength and I thank you so much for giving that to her already, I ask for your love to burn brightly in her, may she know it for herself and be a beacon for others, may others see her and know that you exist and you are love. All of this can be a bit theoretical when life is tumbling you God... When you are feeling pummelled and you can barely breathe, it is hard to see that shining with your character is a possibility... it is hard to shine with your love when we can't feel that love ourselves at times. I pray therefore that you will meet Jasmine where she is, love her with such depth that she will feel like she has been coated with honey, that she will feel that every wound has been bound and all her nerve endings (physical, emotional and spiritual) have been quieted and comforted... I pray that you will let her know deep inside her how loved she is, that she is yours and no-one can take her away from you, that she only needs to lean back an inch and she will feel your chest...

I pray Holy Spirit that you will heal Jasmine of depression, miraculously, instantly, replace that feeling with a lightness that grows as she acknowledges it and chooses to go with it. I ask that the lightness of spirit will soon show on her face and she will feel like the clouds have parted and the sun is shining... I pray she will bask in your light and let it soak down into her bones like a confidence and a peace that will become the seat of her strength.

Amen.

Bless you Jasmine :o)

Jasmine, I just read in your other post that you are 2 months clean from cutting, now I will cry!

Well done!!!!

That is the princess of God standing right there!

I will pray for you now about the fasting... I saw that Astra answered you, I didn't stop to read her answer yet, I was hit by the fact you were not cutting any more.

Bless you precious sister, bless you!

Hi Jasmine,

Can I suggest an alternative?

I read your reasons to cut, and I wonder if you would temporarily deliberately decide to use something else to find your identity in [obviously you have an identity in Jesus already, you are the daughter of the most high God... you are beloved and beautiful, if people could see you as God sees you, as you really are, they would fall on their faces in awe] It is hard to get a handle on that when you are depressed and in need of something to do with your hands... so, I wonder if you would try using another method... there is one I can think of that would be useful too for displaying strength...

So, as a temporary thing, a first line of action thing, do you think you could do something else when you feel like cutting?

My idea would be walking... if you signed yourself up for a marathon for example and then you begin to train for that marathon... seeing the pain of training in the way you see the pain of cutting... you could focus your energy on it. Lets face it, you would have to be strong to complete a marathon, those who do that are people of tenacity and courage. Of course, the up side of that idea is that exercise can actually help with the depression because of the hormones it releases.

You are right, Jesus does cry, I know because I very nearly did when I read your post and He loves you ever so much more! You do need to stop cutting, you said that yourself... and the underlying depression really does need to be dealt with... I'm sure you know that. Would it help in the short term to have an alternative Jasmine? To have a "something" to do with that energy, till the desire to cut is gone?

My idea might not be the thing... but find something Jasmine, will you please?? And find a way to get (hands on, face to face) help, even if it means telling Mum so that she can get that help for you.

Bless you... I will pray for you too.

With much love, Diane

I agree with Cholette,

Maybe you will need to cry with Jesus first... it is hard to share our deepest hurts with another. But I want to say that it is never a burden to hear the heart cry of someone you love - it is a privelege and a blessing to see deep into another persons soul. (If he has said he doesn't want to go there, that is different), but if not, give him the choice to love you through this MJ, give him the chance to be your hero. If he is the man I got a glimpse of from what you wrote, he will surprise you and probably be the catalyst for deeper healing for you.

You don't need to dwell on (or in) your past with your husband... who wants to do that!!! But opening the door and allowing him to look and then hold you while you cry, that is different.

I pray you will be hearing that doorbell again soon, I pray that the beautiful, gentle Holy Spirit will sweep clean the corners of your heart and mind and fling open your doors for the sunlight to stream in and heal you.

Bless you,

Diane

Hey MJ,

This is a real sadness. This is a valid crying reason, this is a "can't be held inside without slowly killing you" cry.

Could you tell your husband that you have some tears pent up that just need to come out and that he has given you a safe place to cry and heal?

I read this after your post about the doorbell and so maybe it just seemed logical to me cos' that's the way I read them, but I believe that is why you are getting woken at night... safe time to deal with it, safe, alone with God time to cry on his shoulder.

How I wish I could give you the biggest hug! It is right to feel sadness... and heartbreak that those who should have nurtured you did not... they were the ones who should have stood between you and danger and instead they were the danger.

You have survived - and not only survived but grown up to be a decent human being with an open heart to love and a softness that must be the delight of your husband and of God.

No wonder the most delightful one is ringing your bell at 3 in the morning :o)

Oh Jesus don't give up! Keep on drawing her into your embrace, let her dam break in the safety of your arms, give her the space to be, the space to let go and meet her and meet her and meet her till she is empty of tears and shoots of new life are coming up in her spirit, wrap her in your embrace - I know it is the most comforting of places - and love her with your gentleness that leads to wonder and delight... love her till those shoots become a carpet of flowers and her face smiles with the delight that you have wrought in her soul... give her beauty for ashes and joy for mourning Lord. Be her Father, her beautiful Papa, the Papa who twirls his little girl with delight, the Papa bear whose gentle paws could kill her enemies with a swat... let MJ know the safety of your arms, let her heal there, show her where you were and how you felt about her sufferings... show her how you feel about her, show her how much you love her.

Bless you, bless you!

Diane.

You could ask your Doctor for an ultrasound, they would be able to pick it up really easily that way. They should also be able to pop a monitor on your belly and hear the heart beating. Unless you live somewhere really isolated or without Doctors available of course???

Failing all that, I guess you will know one way or the other very soon :o)

Blessings to you Christie.

Diane

Hi Mourningstar,

This is what jumped out at me:

it wouldn't fit on the old foundation again.

Sounds like a pretty significant change - does anything look or feel like the dream in real life?

Blessings to you, Diane

Hi D :o)

Were you trying to impress this holy man?

Or maybe you went to bed hungry -

Blessings, Diane

:o) Yep, it is pretty cool...

The creator of the Universe told me to check my eggs before I cracked them!!! The truth of that keeps hitting me in a fresh way.

And yeah Lola and Cholette, rotten eggs float to the top :o) LOL. Really fresh eggs lie flat on their sides at the bottom. It is cos as they age they get an air pocket in them.

Blessings :o)

Di.

Hi :o)

Just wanted to share something that shows how God cares for us.

I was pulling out a carton of eggs... I was about to fry some for breakfast.

As I pulled it out of the fridge, I remembered dreaming that I had tested some eggs for freshness and two of them had floated...

Now, I don't have any desire to crack a rotten egg... so I got out a pot and popped the eggs in some water.

One floated straight to the top and one was so close to it, that I threw them both out and said "THANK YOU GOD!"

God cares about little things!!!!

Blessings to all,

Diane

Thanks Mark,

I will take a look at that :o)

I have been thinking about the 4 years part too...

I will keep praying and thinking... I think that another dream is linked to it... so perhaps with the both of them I can make sense of it if I spend some time with God.

I appreciate your help :o)

Have a great day, Diane

Hi all,

I dreamed that we went on holidays and visited a block of land that we own [we do not own a block of land in real life] and found that what had seemed a big block now looked small because a petrol station - or something like that had gone in next door, our block of land looked like a strip of grass out the front of their driveway. It would not be possible to build on it and enjoy living there... it was useless.

The owner of the business wanted the land but didn't want to pay for it, he was telling us he would just park cars on it and we would never know since we only visited it on holidays (our last visit was 4 years earlier)

???

I am thinking that the land has to be symbolic since we do not own a block of land.

Thanks, Diane

Hi Lord Jesus,
Thank you for your incredible love for us, I know that you love this family, that you have them in the palm of your hand as you have me... I know this because I have experienced you and your provision and your care often enough to believe that this is who you are.

You are love, and I believe with these ladies/sisters here that you are in control and you will bring these sheep of yours into green pastures... if they are to go through a deep valley then i know too that you will go ahead of them and will be with them. Thank you for the vision of an angel to reassure Astra, you are so very good Father!

I pray for this family that you will meet their needs, that you will not see them destitute... for your name's sake. Protect your little ones Holy Spirit, surround them and give them an extraordinary peace.

Amen

Good tip :o) Thanks Deborah

Wow Deborah, thanks for that... :o)

Hatred of other women doesn't spring to my mind naturally, but perhaps there are things I have "forgiven" but not really forgiven I will run this by my prayer partners tonight and ask them if perhaps I have a blind spot :o)

I appreciate you passing it on in any case.

Blessings! Diane

Lol D, last time I checked, my heart was on the left

But... what you have said actually applies anyway, There are quite a few things happening.... and I have been taking them on board and not letting them go, I stopped praying (not intentionally, but looking back a couple of weeks, I did stop)

I really do need a spiritual checkup. Cancer grows and kills you if you don't deal with it, so I will be taking it seriously.

I will still go for the checkup at the Doctor, I'm probably due to do that anyway. But I actually don't believe I have cancer - I would be very surprised to find that I did. In the dream the lump was so big and advanced that I would know it was there if indeed it was physically.... I didn't feel any lasting worry that I had cancer after I woke up either, I felt relief that it was just a dream - and then wondered why I'd had that particular dream!

Thanks D! That helps heaps.

Blessings :o)

Thanks guys :o)

I might make an appointment for a checkup :o)

Blessings, Di.

Dog had long since exited the scene...

Thanks Astra :o) Bless you too!

Thanks Daisy :o)

I am so glad I posted that dream! I was really unsure given the content! But I can see it is just another dream and you have all been so helpful.

It partially manifested yesterday... my dog pooped on the floor in the garage... the poop even looked the same as the dream! So, while I'm going gross!!! and putting the dog outside I'm thinking how else will it manifest - does that mean it is today???

So far nothing else has happened... it wasn't even on the carpet which was rather easier to clean up! I was watchful and ready...

Maybe God averted the horrible stuff for me, as you prayed Astra... maybe the real manifestation is still to come... there were two incidents in the dream after all.

The dog is staying out today! LOL.

Blessings to you all, and thanks heaps!

(Lol D... I'm sure that's against the or something... )

Diane