Pray.......

[ThisIsSparta 0]

today, i had what i hope to be the LAST fight i EVER have with my dad.


today was the worst.


my dad got on to me for NOT going to school this week...i'm not a child...i'm 21 years old...i NEVER wanted to go to college...my dad MADE me.


yes, my abusive father has MADE me and RULED OVER ME all of my life.


it's gotten proggresively worse these last 3 years...


my dad is the SINGLE MOST destructive force in my life...


he is a psycho...he WON'T let me be independent...he WON'T let me live my own life...he WON'T let me make my own decisions(no matter what it's for)...he WON'T even let me make my own mistakes.

i have been praying and crying today...as i have been for the past 3 years but even more than that.


i want to be FREE of this man...


i want to be FREE of my lacking.


COMPLETE and PRECIOUS freedom.


my dad has made another ultimatum...get a FULL TIME JOB/GO TO SCHOOL or GET OUT!


it is so hard to find a job.


i need God's LOVING deliverance.

[butterfly 0]

[Dove-Solutions 0]

[lola21st 2]

Sparta -

I will pray for you as well.

I have a side question - if your father weren't an issue, what would you be doing career wise? Don't worry about training, education, experience...if you could become anything you wanted to careerwise, what would you be doing?

Blessings,

Lurdys

[ThisIsSparta 0]

lola21st wrote:

Sparta -

I will pray for you as well.

I have a side question - if your father weren't an issue, what would you be doing career wise? Don't worry about training, education, experience...if you could become anything you wanted to careerwise, what would you be doing?

Blessings,

Lurdys

hello,


i really don't know how to answer that question and here's why...


when i was in highschool, it NEVER once came to my mind what i should do or wanted to do afterwards, i didn't think about it...


and as a result, i can't now either...

[LovetoworshipJesus 0]

I pray GOd give you a peace of mind and you and your dad can have a better relationship!! I know how you feel!! igrew up in a controlling house and also abusive but through it all GOd has and still is healing me, because of this trying time I had. The minstry in me will be so powerful. GIft of healing, deliverance, teaching, and many others. I think you should ask GOd WHAT ARE YOUR GIFTS AND FIND OUT WHAT IS YOUR PASSION AND FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. I think once your da see being productive he will back off. then pehaps you can start making money and then move out. I pray peace for you in Jesus Name.

[Virtuous 0]

hello,

i really don't know how to answer that question and here's why...


when i was in highschool, it NEVER once came to my mind what i should do or wanted to do afterwards, i didn't think about it...


and as a result, i can't now either...

Maybe it's time that you do. Your dad was obligated to take care of you until you got grown. You're 21 years old now and he is no longer obligated to take care of you because just as you said; you are not a child.

As long as you're under his roof...you're under his rules.

[Mvuyi 0]

I believe that Christianity is about realtionships with one another. You get the relationship aspect wrong, your whole life goes wrong. I think you should work on the relationship aspect of your life. Make it right, both with parents, friends and with God, then you will see aturn around in your life's circumstances. You will start enjoying the benefits of being a son of God. Pray that God helps you to get that aspect right!!

Love,
NM

[Guest Guest]

Shalom My Friend,
Do not feel sad..all can be fix..I know what I am going to tell you will not have a sense in your brain...but trust me...the soft word calm down the rage spirit..Humble yourself in front of your Dad ,,For Jesus our God..
Perhaps your situation is hard now..no where were you can find support..no independence..I have been there too..
But humble yourself..despite all ,I know your dad doesn't mean evil..perhaps there are things missing in his life too..
Do not judge..do not let others to measure with the same rule..
Do as I say ,,and you will see the Lord working on your behalf..
The pride is the devil's seed..I am praying to my God For you . Do not fear and do not despair..
Many will give it all for have a chance to go to school..think about the Lord ..because all authority is giving from above..you don't know if it is the Lord bringing up all this..
As long as you remain faithful to the word of the Lord ...Honor your father and mother...no evil has power over your relationship..or you..
You will overcome this evil by the word of the testimony ..and the Blood of Jesus..because you are submitting yourself to Jesus..Do not waste this opportunity in front of heaven to show you are ready for great things...the Humble heart will be rewarded with honors..
Remember your Dad is your blood..perhaps He had problem communicating..but deep in his heart he means no evil...He suffers as much as you do...perhaps he sees your potential..and you don't
Trust me my friend and follow my advice..I know is hard..but Do it for Jesus..beacuse He loves you...and also to receive the blessing you must be in line with his word..
the Lord wants to bless you ...don't let the sun come down without settling this issue in peace..courage my friend ..walk trought your mountain that your reward is at the doors.
Faith my brave friend..Jesus Warned us about this..the more you seek ,more things are going to be shaken...but do not fear ..teach the devil...a lesson today he come to steal and kill..but with your behaviour you will be telling him...not only of bread a man shall live..but from all the word that cometh from the mouth of Jehovah.
Courage!!!
Jesus assures you Victory..
Shalom...

[ThisIsSparta 0]

well i quit school.


i know one thing though...i need God's forgiveness for my rabbid sins i commited last night...i won't go into detail.


just taking advantage of God's grace.


i feel so stupid.

[Virtuous 0]

So it's safe to say that you've found employment?

[ThisIsSparta 0]

hello.


no, i haven't found employment yet.


i hate doing this, am i supposed to STRIVE like this to find such a basic commodity in life like a job?

[Virtuous 0]

So what are you going to do?

[ThisIsSparta 0]

i've been looking for employment.


i'm sick of never finding anything.

[Virtuous 0]

my dad has made another ultimatum...get a FULL TIME JOB/GO TO SCHOOL or GET OUT!

I see you thought it is best for you to find employment.

[ThisIsSparta 0]

will i ever find anything?


would God CONTINUE to let me produce nothing of my life?

[Virtuous 0]

Do (did) you attend an online university or were you attending an in-class setting?

[Virtuous 0]

My reason for asking is this.

You say your dad won't allow you to be an adult and he doesn't let you make your own decisions. You made the decision to quit school.

If you're in the in-class setting (where you go to class with an instructor and other students), that is time away from your dad. Have you checked into work-study programs (jobs) to keep you busy?

[ThisIsSparta 0]

yes, i quit school yesterday.


it was in-class.


school's not important, finding ADEQUATE employment is important.


i have to make a certain amount of money to be able to live on my own...that's just common sense.


again, is THIS what GOD wants me doing? WHAT DOES GOD WANT ME TO DO?!?!


when NOBODY is hiring or an employer TURNS ME DOWN even when they ARE hiring...it makes me wonder what god REALLY wants.

[Virtuous 0]

So you quit school (actually doing something that will enhance your ability to get adequate employment that will also provide stability) to do what? Look for a job? Does that take all day? Was that using common sense? Now you're at home ALL DAY doing nothing. More ammunition for your dad to lay it on thick at your expense.

when NOBODY is hiring or an employer TURNS ME DOWN even when they ARE hiring

You know this, yet in still you quit school. Were you failing? Were you unable to pay for it (i.e. grants, scholarships, loans..etc.)?

Stop blaming God. If you are seeking God for answers; did He tell you to quit school?

[usemeLord 0]

May God bless you with a job and renew a right spirit in you in Jesus name.

[Guest Guest]

Lord I pray to You this morning..Asking forgiveness and help on behalf my friend in Jesus here..Only you search the hearts and understand the motives..Be mercifull even if we do not deserve it..
Do not send us away with empty hands...because we seek your face..knowing that you are God and there is none like you in the heavens..
Show to him your peace and guidance that is need it at this moment..
We are sheeps of your flocks..and you promise to help us..hear us in the day of trouble according to your faithfullness
In you Oh Lord is my hope..I know Father that you will attend my pray and will grant me the request ...
open father the doors that has been closed...show to my friend the way he should go...let this be your will..and give him wisdom and peace,
so he can acknowledge your ways. I ask you all this in the name of Jesus..
Thank you Father because we know help is in the way..
Thank You lord..

[Virtuous 0]

mbstudent, I am in agreement with your prayer for thisissparta!

[Guest Guest]

Amen,

[ThisIsSparta 0]

Virtuous wrote:

So you quit school (actually doing something that will enhance your ability to get adequate employment that will also provide stability) to do what? Look for a job? Does that take all day? Was that using common sense? Now you're at home ALL DAY doing nothing. More ammunition for your dad to lay it on thick at your expense.

when NOBODY is hiring or an employer TURNS ME DOWN even when they ARE hiring

You know this, yet in still you quit school. Were you failing? Were you unable to pay for it (i.e. grants, scholarships, loans..etc.)?

Stop blaming God. If you are seeking God for answers; did He tell you to quit school?

no He did not tell me to quit school...He never told me to go either...I NEVER had the desire to go to school...


not everyone has the desire to go to school...


i know of alot of people my age who are MAKING IT without school...


and NO! i did NOT get a job today either...

[ThisIsSparta 0]

what is the point of me looking for a job now if my dad is just going to stop me ever so often to help him with some deadbeat fruitless chore?


i've been doing this for YEARS...since i was little.


just having MY day declared FOR ME by my dad.


how would you feel?

[ThisIsSparta 0]

he's missin in action in the 'Encouragement' department.


he NEVER misses an oppurtunity to scrutinize me...i feel like he's going to physically devour me...he just always has a look of disgust and/or anger on his face whenever he talks to me.


it's ironic...how will i EVER be competent with all his abuse and he's lavished upon me since i was a child?

[RnestseekR 0]

Sparta: I am a child of an abusive father also. I KNOW the criticism, the blaming, the unattainable expectations without help/guidance/encouragement. I have a couple of thoughts and ideas to keep you going right now.
1.) For your own reflection, not to be posted here on the forum: Are you struggling with "Why God did you put me in this position, this family, under his rule. You could do something to get me out so why don't you???" If so, play around with the idea of WHY God might be leaving you in this situation. Ask God to give you his perspective on the situation, recognizing, of course, that he might choose not to. What if someday - maybe even 30 years from now - you were able to help 1 person in a significant, lifechqanging way because of your experience with your father.
2.) Again, for your own personal insight, how is your relationship with your father affecting your views of God. Do you trust God less because you cannot trust your dad? Do you rely on your self because you have learned from your father-son relationship that you can't count on a father, even if it's your Heavenly One.
3.) I hear a plea in your postings of helplessness. Is that accurate or not? Where is that coming from? Is that truth or just perception.
4.) What was the last thing God told you to do and did you do it?
5.) I am sure someone else has given this biblical reference before, but I'll give it again: Ephesians 6:1-2. And I know your first objection to that is that you cannot honor a man who is abusive. I know you'll say that 'cause I said it too. In NO WAY am I saying that your fathers actions are right. But you want to know why you are stuck in this situation. Ephesians 6:1-2 is both your answer for why you are stuck and your way out.
God has placed a light in you Sparta. You are tenacious. You, specifically, as the person you present yourself on this forum, are tenacious. You don't quit. You don't shy away from the hard answers. And , I think because you whole-heartedly believe that God can do anything, it's harder for you when He doesn't do something big to deliver you. That kind of faith is what is going to get you through this time. You want a prophetic gifting, a small miracle, a vision, you've asked God for the "best gifts". He IS giving you the best gift, and it isn't flashy, charismatic or prophetic, but it is profound: faith. Hebrews says it takes FAITH to please God.
Now, back to living with a life-draining monster abuse-cycle - and that's exactly what it is. Let's play the "what-if" game one more time: what if, when you get to heaven, you get to look up your dad. What if he were heaven, and the reason for that was because you were obedient to this HUGE assignment God has given you of showing your dad honor and love, even when he didn't deserve it. I have this mental image of your dad throwing his arms around you and saying "THANK YOU" for being the physical example of what Christ does for each and every one of us. What if you are THE ONLY ONE who chose to show your dad mercy or grace or love.
Sparta: Please, put down the defenses and just hear me cause I've been there. I've been where you are. As a mother now, I understand the abuse even less! But that look of disgust and/or anger on his face that you reference isn't because of you. That's a lie that Satan is using to shut you down! That look is a self-reflection. A wishing that HE'D done something different with HIS life when HE was your age. "I feel bad about me so I'm going to take it out on you." It makes no sense, it's sick, but that's what abuse is about - mental sickness, mental malperception.
Listen, you CAN make a difference. Perhaps the last God told you and is waiting for you to do is to see your own home as a mission field. If you can't conquer this mission field, then you aren't ready to go anywhere else in the world (I see all work places, homes, churches etc. as mission fields). And it will haunt you and cause doubt when you do move on. God doesn't want that for you Sparta. He wants you to be confident when He sends you out. So, maybe you are hearing God right - maybe he IS being silent. MAYBE in His goodness, He's making you wait so there will be no stumbling blocks for hereafter.
He wouldn't have put you in this family at this time if He didn't think that it would be so damaging to you that you would move beyond his reach. Yes it hurts. Yes, it's hard. No, it isn't fair. Too bad, that's not what the chrisitan life is about.
One final question for you, again, for your reflection, do NOT post it on the forum: Whose authority do you submit to? Jesus? A pastor? A spiritual mentor? A small group? If you cannot respect your father's authority right now, (and that's a process, I know), where you can learn about authority? Look for places? Pray for God to lead you to places where you can learn about authority. Authority the way Jesus meant it to be.
One final challenge: If you aren't working and you aren't going to school and you don't have a passion about anything, is there somewhere where you can do some volunteering and explore what you find interesting? Start somewhere. If it isn't right, IT IS OK TO DO SOMETHING different. That won't feel right to you growing up with the criticism that you. You'll think, "I have to choose only 1 thing and it'd better be the right thing or else I'll hear about." That's a lie. Yes, you might hear about it from your dad, but if that's the only consequence, that's not so bad.
I wish I could paint a rosier picture. I wish i could tell you that moving out solves the problem. It didn't for me. I still am working on my relationship with my Heavenly Father and learning that He is NOT like my earthly father. I was mad at God once I learned about all the miracles He did in the bible. If He could do all that, who in their right mind KNOWING AHEAD OF TIME, would dump someone in the abuse I was in??? But I have something that many others on the earth don't have - a light, a love, a hope in Jesus Christ. There have been MANY days that that's ALL that got me through. NOW, I see it that there are so many who stuck in all kinds of REALLY BAD situations without the hope of Christ. I have a deeper need to reach out to them because I've been there. I take my message on a 1:1 basis to those who need to hear it. What about you? Is there anyone around you RIGHT now who is living in a hopeless situation? Just some thoughts to chew on. Do with them what you will.