Not Ever Fitting In

[mjtorrence 0]

Hi to All,
I have been thinking as a child to adulthood I was always made fun of by others, yet I never fit in with any one group of people, I don't fit in with my brothers and sisters, I don't fit in with my cousins, I don't even fit in with the church I attend I stick out like a sore thumb. I have not ever fit in with the world I was always to weird cause I didn't do the things they in the world did such as my cousins and family. And now I don't fit in at church cause I am too weird or someone doesn't like me for no apparent reason. I am glad that I don't fit in with the world, and I would be rather weird than normal as some of them think they are. But not to fit in, in the church is very sad thing to me. I have left this church twice only to return again because God keeps sending me back there, I don't know why but he does, and yet I still don't fit in. Any insight

[Cholette 0]

Are you involved within the church?? Could it be that you are giving off the impression that you think you are different in whatever way and you have the unseen "repellent" on that is keeping people away?

I think you need to change the way you see yourself. You mentioned how you were made fun of. I'm thinking you have worn other peoples definition of you and in some unknown way, you are separating yourself from others because you are afraid of the rejection.

When I first came into the church, I didn't know anyone and it seemed that everyone was in their clicks. I went to the assistant pastor and asked his advice. This is the scripture he quoted to me...

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

When I began to smile and give off a friendly disposition, I began to make friends. The wonderful thing about the second half of the verse is that Jesus is a friend you will always have and He will NEVER let you down or make fun of you.


I'm sure that once you reconcile some things within yourself and find out who God says you are, then you will see things change around you.


I hope this helps.

By the way...you will make some wonderful friends here so stick around...

[Christina 0]

Beautiful insight, Cholette.

MJ - Your post touched me deeply and you are so loved in my heart right now! I don't know how anyone could think you are wierd!! Your message is so honest and open - all I can say is keep trying and don't give up!! If you feel the Lord wants you there, I'm pretty sure it's not to torture you. But i'd like to pray with you:

Lord Jesus, I pray with all my heart that You will open the door to warm friendships and equal relationships for our Sister (Brother?) in Christ, mjtorrence. Hers has been a struggle for her place in this world, and with the innocence and trust of a child she has come here and opened herself up to us - and to You, Lord. You are a good Father, and I boldly ask for your benevolence to provide for such a simple request as loving companionship. You who are so Great and so Good will surely help our Sister find or grow into the place You have for her to feel like a valued member in her congregation. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

I love Cholette's suggestion about getting involved & try to look at your interaction with others differently. Could you maybe be thinking others think something that they really don't think?

We are glad you are here!

[Dove-Solutions 0]

I so agree with both comments. And come into agreement with Christina's prayer. We are your friends here and even when you feel you fit no where else.....you fit here.

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[Nyagali 0]

I agree with Cholette. Why do YOU feel God sent you back? God doesn't play games with us. Either he did send you back or you heard that wrong. I loved your honesty.
Joy

[mjtorrence 0]

Thanks to all for your wonderful comments towards me and for the prayer I am involved in the church as the Personal Assistant to the Pastors Wife. The reason I know and feel that I don't fit in is like I said I just don't please don't take this as a post that I am wanting others to feel sorry for me, because that is not the case I was just being honest about How I have not ever fit in a particular click, family (church or my own). To me it's ok cause I like being alone to me my alone time is the time I spend reading the bible and with God, I always know that he said he would never leave me nor forsake me, so that is a good promise in which I stand on. I just know that I don't fit in no where. By the way I am a female I just used my initals my real name is Missouri yep your read it right just like the state Thanks to all who have posted replys

[Cholette 0]

Missouri (cute name, by the way)

I didn't sense that you wanted anyone to feel sorry for you and I also know how hard it was for you to be this transparent.

You hold a position in the church and that's good and maybe it's the position that keeps you NOT fitting in. I will tell you why I say that. I used to be my former pastor's assistant and I worked in the office as the church administrator. There were two types of people I dealt with. Those who were messy in their lives so it caused them to not want to be around me because I was too close to the pastor....and there were those who wanted to be seen by the pastor so they got close to me. I had MORE of those who didn't want me around them because they figured that if they said something wrong about the ministry or others, that I would tell the pastor. This was NOT the case. After I closed the office and worked my other ministries...I was a church member again...I knew how to separate the two.

I'm beginning to believe that YOU are not the problem...it's those who are around you that are the problem. I have seasons where I'm alone (I'm in one right now). I don't have many people around me and a lot of what I do (movies, dinner, concert, etc.) I do alone. I love it that way because, like you, it's my time with God.

I wouldn't put too much stock in what is happening right now. Continue doing what you are doing and make sure you have a friendly disposition and everything will be okay.

As far as not fitting in with the family...girl, I can write a book on that. Just love them...God may be pruning and molding you. Remember David...he was a shepherd boy...all alone with the sheep and then one day he killed Goliath and then he became King.

[Christina 0]

Ooooooo - LOVE the David analogy! Preaching it in the Spirit!

Ditto of not fitting into my family - at least in seasons (weeks, days, moments...).

Wherever your place is on this Earth, Missouri (once lived in KS, Kansas...pretty close to Missouri...) - if your heart is for friendships and companionship and is not met on Earth - the Lord will overwhelm you with His in His Hereafter.

[Christina 0]

PS - I was pretty sure you were a sister, but I've made that mistake before... :)

[Christina 0]

PSS) - I don't feel sorry for you - just touched by your honesty and your needs, and I so would love to see the Lord fill them!

Love ya!

[mjtorrence 0]

Thanks for the wonderful comments, I do have my husband and three daughters(neices who I adopted) that are there for me when I need to be around people, otherwise I do love the alone time to all who responded and thanks for the compliment on the name

[Virtuous 0]

When you're set apart, you're not suppose to fit in. That's the purpose of being set apart. You can't be like and be around everybody else even if you tried. You'll feel more OUT of place fitting in.

[mjtorrence 0]

Thanks Virtuous that did come to my mind about being set apart I now know why I not ever fit in but like you stated it is a feeling of being out of place thanks again

[Dove-Solutions 0]

Mjtorrence,

I do know what you mean about fitting in. I have never truly fit in anywhere myself. I always felt the same way. I had family and friends and have good relationships but I have always felt just a little different or somehow seperated somehow. That was because the Lord set me apart from the world......I feel different because I am different. I totally misunderstood your comment the first time around and I apologize for that. I think that we feel or sense that difference because the more we know Jesus the more seperated we feel from the natural world. Am I making any sense. Just know that you are seperated onto the Lord and that is why you feel the way you do. Now I am not fitting in and loving it. LOL

Hope this has been helpful,

God bless and love in Jesus,

Connie

[mjtorrence 0]

"I think that we feel or sense that difference because the more we know Jesus the more seperated we feel from the natural world."
Thanks Dove-Solutions, Yes I do understand I like the quote that you stated above this makes more sense to me now. Yes I do enjoy my alone time with the Lord and I am very glad that I don't fit in with norm crowd so to say. Thanks for the reply

[heavenlymama 0]

Hi
i read your post and the words that came to me were that you fit in but you just havn't found your place (area) yet and maybe thats why you don't feel you fit in but God has a perfect place for you.

Maybe God is drawing you soo close to Him that you will see wherever you are you fit right into Him and that inner security will cause you to shine whereever you are.

oh and another thing in your post you sound pretty unique and thats an amazing quality

[mjtorrence 0]

Thanks heavenlymama, for the encourging words thanks I am very sure that I always fit in with our heavenly father no matter if I fit in with the rest or not. thanks

[His Beloved 0]

I understand where you are coming from I have felt like this for the most part of my life since I was about 4 or 5 trying to fit in playing with my older cousins. I am 29 now will be 30 next year. As God has matured and has given me revelations about my life, my purpose, my ministry for him. I see that everytime I didn't fit in i was always the girl that got picked on , hair pulled, talked about jumped in the locker room during gym. I have come to learn that then I was not supposed to fit in I was already "set apart" even then that why the enemy will work so hard to attack my self esteem and in fact he did .I carried it and it became a stronghold through being a teenager to an young adult I had struggled with so many insecurities when you do the so-called normal teenager and young adult things like going to parties and dates and so forth. It was so funny to me because even then when I thought I had finally achieved the being popular status quote there is always someone there or God send someone there to remind you. Hey what are you doing here you don't even look like you belong here and you don't belong here and go HOME and to be honest it was the God honest truth. I look back at it now and just laugh with JOY because the Lord broke me free from the bondage of those strongholds, I am growing and knowing who i am in him I am like Wow I was predestined to be here before he even thought of me in my mothers womb, I am set apart and set aside, being molded trained for the masters' use HALLELUJAH I PRAISE HIM because of thethings I could have gotten into the roads i could have went down he is definite a keeper and most definitely the lifter up of my head. I THANK YOU LORD. MJ as far your relationships in church i once felt that way too and it can be a hurtful and alone type of feeling. I am a loving person and I give love and show love. I was yearning for that within my church family. I 've been at my church for a little over 5 yrs now God had me there to heal first, once healing and deliverance took place I was there to learn, study my word ,seek the presence of God. He had me set apart for a reason there was some things that he was trying to get out of me and some things that he was trying to put into to me. You have to be careful and be strong in your spirit regarding of who you let into your spirit. Everyone that goes to church as we may all want to believe are all saints but I am sure we know the ones that are not. I get along well with anyone and I show my self friendly all the time They actually call me SMILEY at church that's just my personality, but with that i did feel like i didn't fit in for a long time. BUT how wonderful God is when its time or God's timing He'll bring the friends to you who he wants you to have. The friends that I chose at my church the Lord removed them from my life and they caused me some heartache. But he replaced that friend with many more I am so blessed to have them in my life and I know that they'll be with me for a lifetime and they are there for my husband and kids we all do functions together go out to eat and just fellowship When God does it he does right the way it's supposed to be and whover he puts in your life will be someone that ca deposit into your life naturally and spiritually and you will be able to do the same for them. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers may God continue to bless i like your name too Missouri that's a Unique name for someone that is "set apart".

[mjtorrence 0]

Thank you Carrie for the kind words, I have just come to conclusion that I am ok with not fitting in with the so called in crowd, as far as "church family" I just don't believe that the church I attend are consider my church family, the reason I say this is because like you stated not everyone who is in church is a true believer there are some wolves in sheep clothing too, I look around and I see the cliques that are formed in church and to me why isn't this supposed to be the place where all the believers fellowship with one another not just a few here and there. Any-who thanks again for sharing I know that God has set me apart from the beginning and now I am starting to be ok with that

[Delightful soul 0]

I read the first two replies, and agree with cholette especially.

I have recently started attending church again after being in and out of different churches feeling the clickiness. This time i came to a church with a mercy ministry and they are very open and welcoming.

Sometimes there are clicks but God is also showing me that yes indeed we need to make ourselves friendly.

I learned strangely enough from some material I was given that is from worldly counselling and it said basically that if we are afraid of being rejected then we put walls around ourselves and people perceive this as unfriendly and thus it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy that we get rejected.

Good stuff huh!

My old pastor once told me that at times I can seem really mean and unfriendly and so instead of getting really upset about it (I was understandabley shocked and upset when she told me) I thought maybe I have put walls around myself also and give off scary vibes. Anyhow, I think it is a combination of both. Not everyone will like you in life but a smile goes a long way you know and someone may just react positively to your smile and friendliness. Don't worry about those who reject you. PRaise God for those who accept you and smile because of it and others will be drawn to that joy!


Hope all goes well for you at this church. If it is not the right place, you will eventually know and if He has you there, perhaps He wants you to press through the crowds and touch his garment like the woman with the issue of blood.

Bless you so much, I feel for you!

[mjtorrence 0]

thanks I do understand about being friendly but after you have been burned many times you do tend to build a wall to keep others out but to God be the glory I rather have Jesus then friends any way

[Delightful soul 0]

maybe the Lord is turning you to see Him as the best friend and that once we get our self worth from Him then we can ignore the people who don't accept us and just enjoy the ones who do, rather than feeling isolated.

Sweety rest in Him and know that He accepts you and that as you look to Him to meet all your needs then you can give of yourself and break through those walls. No more hurt for you matey, I believe God is doing a new thing and hope you understand what I am saying.

Bless you

[mjtorrence 0]

thank you little one I do understand although I do still know that I don't fit in I just recently quit a job that I only worked for a month due to the ladies in the office stating that I wasn't "bubbly" enough, yes this hurt my feelings but I am happy that I don't have to return to that job again.

[daphanie02 0]

I know how you feel. All my life i've felt this way. In High School i had a difficult time finding my friends. I hung out with the "in" crowd and found out the only way to survive was to be fake. I didnt like that so i hung out with the not so in crowd and still i was weird LOL BUT accepted and loved :)
I always felt different around my family and friends...i have a strange humor that doesnt always make sense and i have a metaphor and analogy for almost everything. I also scared my boyfriends off with forcing them to listen to my dreams from the night before. LOL

Finally God revealed something to me.

Two springs ago i bought like 30 baby chicks and one lone duck. They all grew up together in a closed in pen with a large feeder and a large water bowl. i then started noticing strange things begin to happen. The duck would scoop up the feed with its large mouth and seemingly hord all the chicken feed by scooping and swallowing faster than the chickens could peck! I also saw that he would immerse himself entirely into the water bowl and get it really dirty before the chickens had a chance to drink. He started to annoy me....really bad becase frankly...he just didnt fit in. LOL :(

So one day...the Lord says..."Put him in the kiddy swimming pool"

Oh my! When i put that duck where he was made to be, WHAT A TRANSFORMATION!!!! God made him different because he WAS different!! He was made to swim!! For the Glory of God he was different and unique because he served a different purpose than those silly chickens!!! Who wants to be a chicken anyway when you can SWIM and really FLY!!!!

I knew that was me. I am a duck not a chicken. LOL i've been forced to live amongst chickens my entire life and they do not understand me and i might get under there skin sometimes, but Im ME and for the Glory of God i was made different!!

I feel like this ministry is my pond and WHAT A TRANSFORMATION has been made in my life since i have been here!! I no longer feel like an idiot when i talk about my dreams 30million times a day.

Also God gave me a short dream the other day that came to pass.

I was hanging things out to dry and my work was fininshed. there was a giant window of glass in front of me and an angel told me to look at my fingerprint. I did and i was expecting to find a whirl...but instead, it was my very own arch that i was born with. I was amazed because my fingerprint was beautiful and amazingly clear. At first i was dissapointed because i'd always wanted a whirl, but then i heard the angel say..."place your fingerprint on the glass, God wants your touch." I assumed he meant God wanted my unique touch and placed my finger on the glass.

This dream manifested in an amazing way...I was using my sons Itouch ipod the other day to access this website and i noticed my fingerprint on the glass face of it. Then i remembered the dream. More confirmation that I am where He wants me to be and that He uses my unique touch for His glory!

Why on earth would i want to be any different way ?(the whorl)

i love Him!!!

[mjtorrence 0]

[Delightful soul 0]

I hope all goes well for you matey. Not sure why God has you in a church that rejects you if it is what they are doing. Pray more about where you are meant to be. Maybe there is a swimming pool church you can go to that will accept you and nurture you and be accepting. We as the body need to be more accepting. I guess also too we need to look at both sides. Our own representation of who we are and also whether others are just plain mean.
I really think if you are meant to stay in this church then either they have to change or you do. One or the other, otherwise why torture yourself?

Blessings