Confused about church I'm in

[Freeprincess 0]

Hi All,
I'm new to this forum but I really need some support. It's a long story so I'm not sure if I can explain it all but I will try to. The church I am going to has a move of God in it. I feel His presence and I do get something every time I go. When I first started going to it though, I was ignored. They were small and they just had a Friday night service/worship meeting I would go to but they just prayed for one another much more than me and I had to wait and wait and was lucky to get prayed for or even talked to. They are a house of prayer but at the time also had a small gathering on Sundays. I had been out of the church scene for over a year because of my not feeling connected to the last church I was in except for the pastor who left and then my brother committed suicide so I just for a long time remained isolated until I got in contact with my former pastor and was able to get some support to re-enter 'society' (& church). Anyway, I didn't feel accepted for a long time. They tolerated me. Part of that may have been because one of their friends was a mentor to my son while he was in a halfway house and took advantage of my son sexually. My son was around 20 and this man was 36. My son was in the halfway-house with mental health and addiction issues. They expressed to me that they felt my son was equally responsible as the mentor but I disagreed.

At first I didn't do much when this happened...I had just started going to this church but so did the 'mentor'. When it came to light it seemed like no one did anything in regards to my son and was mostly concerned with The mentor's family & marriage. I guess I got into control because I kept confronting the pastors & leaders about why they were allowing this man to be on the worship team and acting like nothing happened to my son. I maybe should have just let God do the work but it was a hard situation to be in. Especially since our track record in the church as been one of being abused by it...my son was molested by deacons kids in a church when he was young and then we were persecuted because we were angry when it came to light about all that was going on.

Back to the present time. They finally asked the mentor to step down after my persistence and he left for another church. At first I was ignored, then tolerated, then somewhat accepted. It seems when I was started to get accepted and was invited into their home groups the presence of God was so thick. I felt so privileged and it felt good though I continued to feel uncomfortable around them. I always felt like for some reason I couldn't relate to them because they seemed so close to one another and because they seemed to know or be in on God more than I was. I finally found out why I felt that way. I was invited to a women's group and was told it was for new women but when I got there a lot of the ones who had been there before I was there...and I had been there for 2 years. It was never announced at church and so I felt that was sorta strange. I was upset that I had been there for so long and never invited. Then I was thankful I was in it and a little scared and felt the pressure not to tell anyone...to keep it a secret or I would be the one not allowed anymore. So I went for a while.

Then they suddenly stopped the home groups and the Friday night meetings and "said" it was for everyone to take a break. But I checked on some things and confirmed it with some people and they actually just invited a "core" group to meet on Fridays...I and alot of people weren't invited. So that left me with nowhere to fellowship in. I felt angry and had a couple of times where I got emotional. For instance, I walked into intercession and this person who is on one of the core teams as usual ignored me although the others in the room said hello. during the prayer I prayed against rejection and people being stuck up. Okay that was childish and no excuse for it. But I have tried to talk with the leadership before about things and it does no good. They seem like they listen but they have not followed up much on things.

Anyway, now I just feel really left out and kept out from them. they say it is my imagination or that I am "creating" the rejection. There is a "homegroup" up north from me about 30 minutes. But I live here in this city and I use to live up in that area...not good memories. I don't see why I should go all the way up there when they could have a homegroup in this city. I somewhat suspect they have one but aren't telling me. Even so there is still the Friday night one I am not allowed to.

Then I talked to a lady in the church who also felt some things that were wrong and told her about the secret groups. She said it just confirmed what they were suspecting and didn't understand why they were so secretive about it. Now, though I think she has been invited to a "secret" group and hasnt told me and has gotten distant from me.

The main reason I'm writing this is that I do not know what to do anymore. They seem to put it in my face that they are "together" when I go to the public main church. At the most it hurts & makes me angry, at the least it is annoying. I feel like giving up but I know the presence of God is there. I want the presence and the Love of the Father but I feel torn to go to the meetings because there is the beautiful presence of God and then the opposite is the way they are treating me. I don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry for writing so much.
Thanks for listening.

[True Flight 0]

I think you painted a beautiful picture of how God feels about our religion and clicks in a church.
I can relate and I'm sure others on here can too.
There is no reason you cant start your own small group, you are the Church as much as the rest of them.
I keep a tight group of friends for the very reasons you have laid out here.

Simply put : Be the Church within the religion.
If God is there, he see's something great in this congregation.
Find your friends, if there are any and dust your feet off, at the rest of them.

I may sound a bit harsh, and I am a harsh person, but what I'm trying to say is....

YOU be right with God in all your ways and dealings.
God will bless that.

[mjtorrence 0]

I know how you feel the church I used to attend was like this they had there clicks and I was always left out of the secrets in which I didn't care but who would want to attend a church like that attending church should be of great fellowship in the Lord not in the clicks be blessed

[Daisy 0]

I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening to you free princess. It sounds to me like you want to stay committed to this church, but you wish the others were treating you better. I will def be praying that things will get better for you. I will also pray that God brings at least one or two really good friends into your path, so keep your eyes peeled for those who may also be feeling left out of the clicks and in need of a good friend. Sometimes that's all we need to feel connected, one really good friend! True friends are far and few in between and you will know them by the fruit they display in their lives.

[Deborah 0]

True Flight wrote:

Simply put : Be the Church within the religion.

I love this!

[greyfort 0]

Like the others, I've been there as well. I've learned that its so easy to get offended and want to walk away - especially those of us with a background with abuse - I think we tend to want to "flight" not "fight". I'm a part of the Messianic Jewish movement. I'm not Jewish but its where God has placed me. A Rabbi I knows requires all new members of his congregation to read certain books. Since he felt so strongly about this book I decided to get it and have read through part of it. I would strongly recommend it to you as well.

Do you want to stay at this church? Does God want you to stay? I suspect that the answer is yes on both accounts - since you seem so torn up about it.

I used to feel like no one liked me - that at the best they tolerated me. Somehow God has taught me that wasn't the case. That there were people who did like me; that admired strengths that I have (when I thought all I had were weaknesses). I pray that this Sunday someone will come to you and say something sweet, and encouraging to you.

I agree with the others - that you could start your own home group (perhaps there are other women who are feeling left out as well; but that you don't know it).

Also pray for the other women, truly pray for them. They may not realize what they are doing. They may realize completely. But I suspect as you pray for them; God will do a might change in you.

Praying for you!

[Freeprincess 0]

Thank you all for your posts. They are very encouraging. I have been praying for direction and crying out for relationships...just a few that really "want" to be with me and stick with me in growing in God together. I haven't been there in a month since I've been out of town almost every Sunday. Tomorrow I am thinking of showing up there. It's so daunting to be around them. For now, I guess, I should remain there until I hear or feel the Lord drawing me somewhere else. I've wondered if I should not go anywhere and just spend time with Him til He directs me. Has anyone done this? Thank you for your prayers. I really need them.

[Daisy 0]

Yes freeprincess~I have done that very same thing. These are just my thoughts, but I personally believe its so important to have a home church, and until God shows or speaks something different to you~that you should stay planted. When I was debating about leaving my church...the Lord spoke personally to me that He wouldn't lead me out until He showed me where He was going to lead me next. That he wouldn't lead me out without having anyplace to go. (I think of a potted plant, if you transplant it into a new pot it normally is fine....but if you leave it out of the old pot and dont put it into a new pot chances for optimal growth are slim) In my situation, when I had a peace about leaving my church and I had my next church lined up (where I felt I was getting spiritually fed the most), the transition was smooth. Hope that helps somehow.

[Delightful soul 0]

Look alot may disagree but have u thought of actually shaking the dust off your feet and going somewhere that is real and where you feel accepted? I relate to the clicks. I personally go to church not to be accepted but to find those he wants me to connect with. If the church as a whole plays these sordid games I have enough common sense and turn away. Its casting your pearls before swine at times. Did Jesus hang with the Pharisees as much as the world? Ask yourself this. If the Pharisees crucified Jesus, who did Jesus feel most connected to? Sure he mixed with all types but those closest to him were his disciples/ friends. He felt closer to Mary than Martha. John than all his disciples. He was comfortable with sinners and was persecuted by the CHURCH of the day. Sorry to say but God is doing a new thing. Read proverbs its full of common sense. God hates the proud. What these ladies are doing isn't Godly. Who are the real sinners? Those who do not obey Him. Love is kind. Are they being kind. Insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different result. Is it wise to allow yourself to be tortured like this? Go where people actually practice what is preached. You'll be surprised where Jesus takes you. ;-) God bless sis

[Freeprincess 0]

Hi Everyone,
Things have really stepped up and gotten intense here. I have been gone for a month at this church because I was out of town every sunday but one. Then on the one I didn't come to I just got back from vacation and was too tired & didn't feel up to the daunting ordeal of what I feel is rejection & other things. Now I have just had 2 communications from people that I have "slandered" the leadership. I am not the only one who feels rejected there or have been excluded from their little groups so slander is a pretty strong word here. I have just talked to someone today who feel the same and know of several others who see that spirit of exclusion that causes people not to feel welcome and feel rejected. So I may have expressed my feelings of rejection because of the secret groups, but I do not believe I have slandered anyone. I was only acting out of the hurt of being/feeling rejected but I do not believe I had any intent to slander anyone. If anything they are slandering me by saying that I am trying to slander. They told me that I need a deliverance for the spirits of rejection & self-hatred and that me saying I am rejected is not true, therefore it is slander. And one person recently emailed me trying to put the pressure on me saying basically she will not get into relationship with me without the deliverance and that she has to see proof and the fruit of my repentance. My suspicion is many others have banded together to not 'relate' to me. As I said hello to a person on Sunday and they didn't respond and I knew they were doing it on purpose but i didn't know why yet I didn't really feel they had anything against me.

So, the sh** is really flying here and I'm definitely in the line of fire. I don't think they see my side of things. So at this point I am asking for prayers of protection, revelation and yes, deliverance. And also that I would walk this out right. Oh God, give me the strength to launch a love war and not defend myself but to go through that narrow path. Please give me a spirit of prayer for them.

[Daisy 0]

O freeprincess~I am so sorry you are going through this. I will really be praying for you, to know the right thing to do in this situation! I pray that the Holy Spirit would lead and guide you into paths of peace...

[Daisy 0]

Freeprincess wrote:

So at this point I am asking for prayers of protection, revelation and yes, deliverance. And also that I would walk this out right. Oh God, give me the strength to launch a love war and not defend myself but to go through that narrow path. Please give me a spirit of prayer for them.

This here to me shows such a heart of forgiveness and love and maturity! I really hope things get better for you, or that God leads you out to a place that will embrace you for the wonderful person He made you to be!

[Delightful soul 0]

I know how you are feeling. Let me help u. SHAKE the dust off your feet ! For years I spent trying to please people. Pleasing my family and pleasing the world. When we try to please the world or even the church we get caught up emotionally and lose sight of the fact that the people who are rejecting us maybe actually not worth the effort of trying to win their friendship. Jesus said it well. If u want to be like Jesus prepare for rejection ,the worst from the religious ok. I can't say much more except this. Imagine your best friend told u all what you wrote here and what would you think about it?

[lola21st 2]

I agree with Delightful Soul on this one...I certainly agree with avoiding any rash decisions but I really don't think this situation falls under that category. With all of this in-house drama and pettyness, how can they be about their Father's business?

If you're still unsure about what to do, enter a period of fasting and prayer and ask God to clearly show you what your next steps should be.
We will keep you covered in prayer.

Please keep us updated, ok?

[Freeprincess 0]

Thank you for your advice, wisdom and prayers Lola21st & Delightful Soul. As of late I have concluded that I will probably be exiting pretty soon. But not without first talking to the leadership to determine what was exactly said that I said and who said it. Before God I want to do the right thing and will apologize for my part in anythng I have done. I am absolutely positive that they have a lot of wrong on their part and that they need much more of a revelation to their own behavior than I have need of deliverance. I also know and believe that true fellowship expressed in love which is being a friend & more than a friend should be the context in which to hold someone accountable. I do not feel they have been willing to offer that to me. I think they are blind and the Lord is graduating me out of it. I am not sure about going tomorrow or if I should just wait to talk with the leadership. But as things have gone, the leadership act like they will talk with you but then put it off. I know of a couple right now who have asked to talk with the leadership and they have waited for over a month now to talk with them. One thing the Lord is showing me is that if there isn't a Father's heart for you, there isn't an anointing to break any yoke that may be there in your life. I do not blame or want to get bitter...this is taking some work...towards the leadership because perhaps they just don't know enough of the Father's heart right now to be able to do that...or maybe they really aren't called to do that and they don't know that. I am going to have to walk in forgiveness towards a lot of the young people now who are seemingly refusing to talk with me. Thank you so much for keeping me in your prayers. I will keep you posted.
Blessings..

[Cholette 0]

Hello...

Has God led you to go and meet with them? I ask this question because I was in a similar situation. Not with the drama, but feeling the need to sit down with leadership and discuss why I was leaving the church. God had already told me it was time for me to leave, but I felt the need to go and sit down with them and tell them personally that I was leaving. That was the worst mistake of my life. I was told that if I left, my life would spin out of control and that things wouldn't work out for me because I was out of the will of God.

I had already received my marching orders from God, but man's opinion caused me to linger around a place that I should have left, for an extra 3 months...THREE MONTHS OF HELL!!!!

In your situation, you already know that there are issues. You are desiring to go to them out of respect and the want to clear the air, but in my opinion, I don't think they want to clear the air? The Bible does say to be at peace with the brethren as far as it concerns you, but that doesn't mean you have to GO to them, especially knowing that things may not get rectified...only worse. These people seem petty and like Lola said, "not about the Father's business". I personally feel that if you go, it will make you feel worse because they are NOT showing signs of wanting you there and wanting to clear the air with you. A REAL pastor would have called you in for a meeting to discuss why you felt the way you did, but they didn't. You are now labeled as a "slanderer" so I would do exactly like Delightful Soul said..."shake the dust from your feet" and keep it moving.

I just wanted to give you another perspective because even though I did end up leaving after the extra 3 months of sticking around, but it took me almost 7 extra months to shake the condemning words from my mind. I don't want you to have to deal with that.

Sometimes, making a "clean get-away" is the best way. I should have just gave them my letter to remove my membership and kept it moving, but I wanted to do things "the right way". When something is abusive and wrong, we may have to take the way of escape that God provides and run for our lives without looking back.

Just my opinion and two cents...

[Daisy 0]

Wow Freeprincess!!! I really LOVE your post!!! Such a mature way of looking at all this! Such a heart of love and forgiveness! I love that you are guarding your heart from bitterness, considering all the wrong that has been done to you. What blows me away is that you are not just concerned about your hurt or your heart~but you are also concerned of at least holding them accountable so that they have the opportunity to grow. It is also SO GOOD to see that your eyes are being opened to see that you have outgrown this church. I will continue to pray for you, and that this confrontation goes well. I pray that God leads you to the right church home, and that you find a safe place to be planted~a place that displays the fathers heart of love for you and all others. Your heart is so precious~that is certain from reading your post!

[lola21st 2]

Re: Cholette's - , well said!

Freeprincess, I can tell by your posts that you're operating with a spirit of power, love, and with a sound mind so I know everything is going to be alright with you. I pray that the Lord leads you to a healthy, spirit-filled church where people walk the talk - they love the Lord and love/encourage each other so that they can grow in the Lord and serve Him both in and out of the church.

Good point Daisy, that's what's going on here...freeprincess, you've outgrown this church and it's time to move on...

[Daisy 0]

I JUST seen Cholette's post~I may have been posting while she was~or else I didn't see the second page. What a great post Cholette! I totally agree! I would have never thought of those things happening after confronting the situation. Yikes! It does seem like the 'right thing to do' and even though your hearts in the right place freeprincess, thinking about the emotional damage it could cause afterwards is a really good idea. I'm sure if they were open to seeing their part in this mess, they would have sat you down like Cholette said long ago. Just my thoughts...lots of prayers coming your way.

[Freeprincess 0]

To Cholette,
the thing about it, is that it is a church that has the presence of God in it and has a prayer furnace, has had speakers in it like James Goll, Patricia King, etc. It hurts because, you are right...they don't seem to "WANT" to work it out with me. I think they have been trying to get rid of me all this time when I look at how they kept putting me over in a corner on things...and have done the same for others. Still thinking about what to do...but I think you may have something about me trying to work it out with them to clear the air and it becoming worse.

[Freeprincess 0]

I also didn't see page 2, so I didn't know people were posting.

[Delightful soul 0]

hey hey, doesn't matter about names, what matters is His name.

God is doing a new thing. Go with it. Don't worry about these things. Jesus wants you to be of good cheer. Stay away from what is causing you worry. Jesus wants you to rise above and realise this more than ever. Forgive them. But also don't allow them to keep causing you pain. There are times you need to stick at things and times when it is ridiculously obvious to shake that dust girl ! This is one of them. Let God sort this church out. In the meantime, go where you are welcome.

[Cholette 0]

FreePrincess...the Bible says that where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Liberty (2 Cor 3:17). This means there is freedom. This church doesn't seem to be free to me. You must try the Spirit of this church through the Word of God.

There are no perfect churches, but the church needs to be in the position to care for those who come through the doors and have problems within the church. I don't like what's going on in that church and that is why I shared my experience with you. When we go to church its supposed to be a time for us to ENJOY the presence of the Lord and carry it with us home...and into our week. With all of this going on, I can't see how you can do that.

I'm still praying for your situation, I pray you have peace with whatever decision you make...

[Freeprincess 0]

Here is an update: I had emailed the leaders to ask if I could talk with them regarding the accusations of me being a slanderer. They finally emailed me back today and told me that it wasn't the definition they were concerned about but that someone told them that it was "poison to their ears" and that it was causing division in the body. I am not quite sure how that could cause division in the Body. they told me they can't tell me who it is or what they said. I think that's unfair since it's an accusation against me. The good thing is that she seems to have left the guilty verdict up to me & God...saying those words. So basically it seems they do not think it was important enough to come to me. I, however, do think it is important enough to let them know what I said to this person because so far they think and believe that I said something of "ill will about them" when I do not believe I did.

[Cholette 0]

Yeah...see what I'm saying? How a pastor should handle a situation like this is call both parties into a meeting and talk it out. Not only is she siding with the person who said it, she's not giving you the opportunity to say your peace.

You have a choice here...you can stay and allow God to justify you, or you can leave and find a church that has the presence of the Lord along with leadership that cares.