When is enough, enough? UPDATED

[daphanie02 0]

So there is a person I know that is older than I, but operates mentally the way someone in middle school would when it comes to emotions. Keeping this in mind, I've always taken what that person has said with a grain of salt and most of the time keep my mouth shut. What's worse is that I witness this person cutting down their own children the way some people would a dog. I keep my mouth shut because it's not my business and just pray they get better. I also offer advice when it's not obvious I'm preaching to them about their parenting skills. ANYWAY..I cant tell you how much I've overlooked in the past. But sometimes, when I feel this person is attacking my parenting skills, I get fighting mad. THis is really the only time I've ever spoken up to this person and been rather angry. So last night I dreamed about the person and they were talking to me..suddenly I got my glass of tea and dumped it all over the person's head. They're breath was taken away and I said "don't talk to me like you would talk to a little sister, I AM NOT YOUR LITTLE SISTER!" Then I apologized and told them I wished I hadn't acted that way but then began to tell them what was really on my heart. I knew this would cause a lot of drama. And yes it would if I did IRL...just the slightest thing I say or do in contrast to this person's ideals or state of mind causes unrelenting drama... Anyway. I figure the dream is real because usually when I have dreams of this sort there is a confrontation of some sort that happens. I don't want confrontation. I just want to do the right thing and say the right thing at the right time and speak out of love. Anyone else have people that are difficult to deal with? How do you handle it? Have you found a scripture that helps? Thanks!!

[Cholette 0]

Ugh...this situation reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. I worked for a difficult boss and he used to talk any kind of way to me. At that time I was a new Christian and new in dreaming and I wanted to show Christ in the way I treated people. I never responded to him so I just let him yell at me. One night I had a dream and in the dream I stood in front of his desk with my hand on my hip and went off on him. When I woke up from the dream, I didn't know it was a literal dream or one that would come to pass, but it did. I was asked to go into his office one day and he began yelling at me for something someone else did. All of a sudden I put my hand on my hip and I began yelling back at him. The dream came back to me as I was yelling. The interesting thing was that it shocked him as much as it shocked me. The good thing was, I was able to let go of all the pinned up anger and hurt I felt and I just let him have it. Was it a godly way to handle it? No, but God just showed me that it would be something that would take place.

My relationship with that boss changed after that. I think he felt empowered to be able to talk to me like that, but once I told him off, he realized I wasn't as docile as I seemed and he could no longer use me to "empower" himself. I later found out that he was being mean because he was sick. He later died and I was able to minister to him. Not sure if he's in heaven or not, but I would like to believe so.

My advice to you is to find a happy medium to how to deal with this person. God doesn't want us to be doormats. People just can't talk to us any kind of way. Being a Christian is standing behind TRUTH. Truth is our guard and our protection. When you approach a person with truth, then you don't have to be concerned with how they receive it...the Holy Spirit takes over. The Bible says that when we know truth, it's the truth that will make us free. Your motive is to bring freedom to her through the truth.

There's nothing wrong with being stern with another person. Who says that's not love? Love is in the motive of the heart...not necessarily in our tone. We love our children with everything in us, but there are times we need to speak in a tone that helps them understand that we mean business. I believe this is what this person needs from you.

Not sure if I've helped, but this is how I handle things now...with love in my heart and with TRUTH as my rear guard.

Praying for you...

[dreamster 0]

hi daffy ,,i jus read ur post an was ,thinkin about it b4 i read cholettes ,,well i got tha thang dont be a door matt, ,,then i jus read cholettes post sayin same thing, um ur position is very noble, ,,but wen ur verbally assalted by this person,,its time 4 u 2 stand up an be counted, i think its a prelude 2a coming event an lordy probly prepareing u 4 it, ,,look at the werds spoke2 religos,, it wasnt pretty,, we dont hav2 suga coat everythang we say, ,,,,,,,, D,,, got tikets 4 ok coral..

[TheWhiteShadow 0]

Hi, Laura -

What Cholette said is awesome. There's nothing I could add to it. I only wanted to reference your dream and share a personal experience.

I've had literal dreams where I'm in a discussion...or argument...with someone, and we reach the point where what is said causes the whole thing to melt down. When it's manifesting, though, the dream is almost always in my mind, and that person is saying exactly what they did in the dream. However, because I know what will happen if we keep heading toward that breaking point, many times I've been able to choose my words and prevent that from being reached. So, the literal dreams end up showing me what COULD have happened.

-Mark

[daphanie02 0]

Right Mark, EXACTLY!! Me too!!!

THANK YOU CHOLETTE!!!!! That was a wonderful word and I'll put it to use! THANKS SO MUCH GUYS!!!

[Daisy 0]

O man...I had a whole long post ready to post on this one and I lost it somehow. I have had a similar situation, and know how hard it is to be in this position. I will be praying for you Laura...

[Dove-Solutions 0]

Laura,

Tough love is good thing. We do it with our friends, our family and sometimes with others. If we truly love people we speak the truth. That is tough love sometimes. There is nothing wrong with speaking the truth in a loving way. Be honest as this prevents resentment. I would just calmly tell her that although she may not agree with your parenting skills, it is your decision to make and that you will promise not to tell her how to parent if she will respect you enough not to do the same. I would leave it at that. If it happens again I would keep repeating the same thing until she gets tired of listening to the same response from you. She will get it. Just like we tell our kids no so often sometimes they quit asking. See what I mean.

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[dreamster 0]

[daphanie02 0]

Wow thanks guys!!! Thank you Connie!!!

[Dove-Solutions 0]

No problem Laura, I pray that helped.

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[Delightful soul 0]

I haven't read the comments, however I would say this.

Forgive her and perhaps MOVE ON.

If she is family this may be hard, but for a friendship, it can be really simple. Get some space. If you do not wish to break off the friendship then just set some boundaries and make them clear to her that you love her as a friend and that you just want space. If you think she is that touchy I would not suggest talking to her about this as she sounds to me like she is a bit immature and therefore would "rebel" against any sound reasoning. In my opinion get some space from her.

Hope this helps.

[daphanie02 0]

Delightful soul wrote:

I haven't read the comments, however I would say this.

Forgive her and perhaps MOVE ON.

If she is family this may be hard, but for a friendship, it can be really simple. Get some space. If you do not wish to break off the friendship then just set some boundaries and make them clear to her that you love her as a friend and that you just want space. If you think she is that touchy I would not suggest talking to her about this as she sounds to me like she is a bit immature and therefore would "rebel" against any sound reasoning. In my opinion get some space from her.

Hope this helps.

Hi Delightful! The truth is that I have a heart of grace when dealing with her because she's really much like a child. Though what's infuriating is that I'm younger than her so she thinks in her mind that she should spiritually mentor me. She is family and she lives right next door to me. I've set bounderies and she knows them, but lacks the maturity to carry them out all the time and then takes offense when she feels I'm trying to enforce them. Today was difficult because while she was here, the dream manifested. She was very upset because people at her church were offering to pray for her daughter. She took offense at it and asked me what I would do in a situation like that. (I'm guessing she didn't think her daughter needed prayer.) So I told her I would simply tell them "Thank you." She was very upset that I hadn't sided with her. Another thing is that the Lord has spoken to me about pointing out other people's faults all the time which I have found it difficult NOT to do when I'm around her. So when He shed that light on my personal shortcomings, I've had to stand my ground when I'm around her and that's causing conflict. She asks me my opinions based on things she's offended by others and instead of taking her side to appease her, I tell her the frank truth. She doesn't like it. Im hurting inside because I love her dearly and I know she's over at her house offended right now, but what else could I have done? It's so much like the dream too, and what I told her about not being her little sister. I'm tired of her thinking she has to teach me things cause in her mind, I'm a little lost sheep because of my age.

[Cholette 0]

You handled that Just Fine Daph! She's offended because she's full of pride. You can't help that. Like I stated, stay on the side of TRUTH...which you did...ad it will protect you. She may not like it now, but eventually, she will appreciate you.

I go back to the example of our children...we discipline them and they don't like it, but when they mature, somehow they seem to come back and say how much they appreciate us for not letting them go astray.

STAND GIRL!! God has your back...and so do I. Still praying for this situation!!

[Dove-Solutions 0]

Hey Daphanie,

You are being obedient to the Father. In all things you are just fine in this situation. I agree with Cholette that it is pride. Like I mentioned earlier....this is where tough love comes in. We have to do it to help them grow and to show them that we love them. She may be upset for the moment but when she looks back on it she will be thinking you were the one that spoke the truth and showed how much you loved her by being honest. God has your back so hang in there.

Love in Jesus,

Connie

[Delightful soul 0]

amen sisters!!! Hey mate, I just want to add I feel for ya with her living next door. But this is a boundary issue. People with boundary issues have difficulty with frankness and well, boundaries.

Also too, don't own her pain, let her own her pain at you being truthful.

Jesus did to others who were disappointed at what he had to say. Like the rich man right? Sister, trust Him when I say this, she is acting like a child and she sees you as the one with the problem. Also could this be a religious spirit you are fighting here behind all this pride she is showing through her patronising judgement of you?

Just a thought. Bless ya hun