I'm feeling down and freakish

[hashbrown500 0]

Hi,

I'm a newbie on this forum . I'm really feeling totally down tonight and I'm not sure my life is worth living . I think I'm a lesbian but I've never told anyone because I'm afraid that my friends and my family won't want to see me anymore .I'm living a lie , recently I've stopped eating and I think it's because I hate myself for having such feelings . I really like one of my colleagues but I'm not sure she feels the same , we spend quite a lot of time together , we laugh a lot ! I 'd like to ask her out but I don't know how ! I think I need some advice ! Do you think I'm a freak and that I don't deserve to live ???? thanks for reading my post anyway

[iJess 0]

Nobody deserves not to live, It just sound's like your going through a rough patch. Don't hate yourself, hold your head up high and be proud of who you are Everybody get's stressed and everything once in a while. If you really think you are a lesbian go for it, if your friend's don't like you for it, they're not very good friend's.

[lea75 0]

Hiya and welcome to the group

First of all congratulations on being able to write what you have written, it must of been really hard to do this.

You are not a freak in anyway...what you are feeling is perfectly normal, it is just very confusing for you at the moment. You should not punish yourself for what you are feeling, you cannot switch feelings on or off, and hurting yourself as you are by not eating will not change who you are. Your life is deffinately worth living, and once you start to understand your feelings you will be able to start looking to the future.

I would strongly recommend talking to someone hun. If you dont feel you can talk to your friends and family at the moment then try and find a support group near you who you can talk to. You need support from people near you who love you, and also support from people who have been through the feelings you have now.

If you need to talk, then I am here for you. If you dont want to talk in this thread then please pm me at any time

You will get through this...and you will be a stronger person because of it

Hugs to you hun,,,keep talking

Lea x

[Lucky Strike 0]

hashbrown500 wrote:

Hi,

I'm a newbie on this forum . I'm really feeling totally down tonight and I'm not sure my life is worth living . I think I'm a lesbian but I've never told anyone because I'm afraid that my friends and my family won't want to see me anymore .I'm living a lie , recently I've stopped eating and I think it's because I hate myself for having such feelings . I really like one of my colleagues but I'm not sure she feels the same , we spend quite a lot of time together , we laugh a lot ! I 'd like to ask her out but I don't know how ! I think I need some advice ! Do you think I'm a freak and that I don't deserve to live ???? thanks for reading my post anyway

hello.. i'm bi myself... currently with a gf (that i actually love)... don't think like that... my parents don't have a clue (ok my father know the bi part... in some ways anyway..). i had a few "fights" and fallen outs with some friends but the good ones sticked and have ABSOLUTELLY NO(!) problem with it! it's logical to EVERY relationship to have good and bad moments and of course being told no... do you know how she feels about bi/gay people? if she is ok try to "fish" her more... like if she would do anything... but because of the situation it's difficult... especially if she is straight and has used to you as a friend... even if you are not sure if you are gay/bi there is only way to find out... try... as for the how to ask her out part... normal(!)... just like she was anyone...

[Tiddly Winks 0]

You're not a freak. I think Lea and Lucky Strike said it very well. I can't add too much to this because this is one area where I cannot relate (I'm female and married to a wonderful man). But, I do know about the acceptance issue rather well.

I grew up in the southern USA, where acceptance was not something that was given freely. It isn't to say that there are not open minded people in the area where I was raised, but there was a lot of conditions given on love (which is not really love at all). This happened among families more often than you could imagine. It's very difficult to be young and to try and define who you are and what sort of person you find attractive. I have a member of my family who is lesbian, and I don't treat her any differently. She's still family, and I care for her as I always have.

Hang in there and do stick around the forum. It's a lovely place to be. I must also add that I think it was very brave of you to speak so honestly about this to a bunch of people you don't know. My only suggestion is, if this becomes too great a challenge for you, seek out some help in your area. There are no doubt community centers and help groups that can assist you in sorting things out. I hope that you find peace in being who you are and my best wishes to you now and always.

Blessings,
Yvette

[hashbrown500 0]

Hi,

I just wanted to say thank you for all your kind messages ! I'm trying to deal with all this at the moment but I know it's going to be hard !

[martina23000 0]

First of all, you're not a freak! I've been around gay people and "normal" people and they're just - people

Don't feel bad about yourself - and trust in yourself. Going the "hard" path can sometimes be very liberating - because it's your life, and you get to chose who to love - not your friends, family, or whoever. Holding back, maybe you'll miss some wonderful things that await you in life.

Your loved ones should know that it's not your fault if you're gay (if you're gay), and love you no matter what.

Regarding your friend... well, if you're at college or high school, this is the perfect time to experiment (I had my first bi kiss in college- it was fun, but I still prefer guys LOL). Maybe you should have an honest talk, see how she feels, and then - if she doesn't feel the same about you, try and not make a drama out of it, but stay friends no matter what

I wish you all best, and good luck, whatever you decide

[Fashionista 0]

aw! don't feel about who you are! i know it's hard but you have to love your self!

my best friends are made of straight gay bi and i lovem all, it doesn't matter what you prefer and you shouldn't be judged just based on that! that's a bit of racism i can say! i have friends blacks, spanish american, german, real life friends!!!! fat, skinny! i'm very open person, and i'm sure you'll find true friends too!

your friends they should love you for who you are , and not for who they would like you to be! you should judge someone when you know him and based events not because of a characteristic or a group he/she belongs to!

my suggetion is to accept who you are love yourself and i'm sure there are lots of people that love you and that they will love you!

you'll always find support and advice if you need here!

my best wishes!

[hannahbananaa 0]

i guess the hardest thing is to face the ones you love and have the fear that they wont accept who you are...

you just have to be strong and be true to who you are.
like everything in life, the first step is always the hardest.

we will always be here for you. even though we dont know each other in RL, its always nice to have somebody to help out. thats what we are here in PSFC, a family.

hope everything goes well for you

[mariesherry 0]

Hi Reading your message just broke my heart that you ffel this alone and scared.I urge you to seek out somone that is familiar to what you are going through,your fear in not talking to your parents and friends is perfectly understadable because unless they are going through the same thing they cant relate to what you are feeling.I think for you to be able to tell your friends and family first you have to be sure of what you are feeling and who you are and once you have figured that out well then you can come to accept the way you feel about yourself and feel good about it.If your family loves you and sees you happy and confident in the choices you have made then it will be easier for them to accept..If they dont accept you well then you have to find you a group where they will accept you .Most parents even if they dont agree with their kids they still love them and if your friends dont accept you then they were never really your friends to begin with.Please take care of yourself,love yourself because before you can love anyone else you have to be able to love yourself.You have nothing to be ashamed of

[RocLibrarian 0]

Hi Hash,

Many colleges and workplaces will reimburse you for counseling sessions (if you are currently in college or are employed). Be sure to check out the counselor's credentials first and make sure they are GLBT friendly (some are not). I am suggesting counseling because for me, it was the only thing that helped with issues of acceptance. I suffered extreme rejection from my parents when I told them I didn't want to be Baptist anymore (my mother told me she wished I hadn't been born). My parents and I get along okay now. I am also a bi woman and it has been very difficult for me to talk about this with people. I have kept my relationships with women very private. Talking with a counselor about this has also been helpful to me to understand more about why I so often feel, as you say "freakish." Feeling unwanted or rejected can be extremely painful and can make you feel suicidal. It is important to know that other people have felt this way too and overcome it.